A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I need some good professional or exact advice from a professioal or from someone that has gone through what I am going through! I have a no sex marriage, when I no sex I mean no sex, in any way, touch or any form at all whats so ever. My husband after almost 2 and one half years admits after I guessed that he masterbates,thats it, he can't give me no other reason for our no sex marriage. If addicted to it what are the signs? and can he be addicted to masterbastion withpout porn? Becasue he has none, i know for sure. At first he said he was to tired, well he has no more use with that excuse he switched to a very easy sit down job, now it's I will, or he just can't answer,he freezes up changes the sugject,or walks away. I do know one thing he has no porn, no computer, I have searched everywhere nothing, so if he tells me he loves me and trrats me good other than ignoring me sexually I mean compleltly no comments, nothing,I feel this is abuse, becasue at times he gets really unruly and hollowers at me,this is not right and not my fault I don't hound him I let GO BY 3 TO 6 monthes go by before I bring it up again, he always promises and it never happens.He lies to much he promises, to be with me, A Husband should promise to be with his wife, so I know thats a out and out lie, if he can promise then he can be with me right when he makes the promise, I feel stupid for taking his promises, I thought yesterdy he agreed to sign a paper that he won't ever masterbate again and be with me only,well what good does doing that do he signed it, handed it to me and now we are into our second day and still no advances no sex, I know I was grasping at straws to agree to do something that stupid, why did i, knowing he has no intention on sticking by it, who does he think he is signing and writing on a piece of paper he promises not to masterbate and be with me his wife?, and if he doesn't he will leave, what does anyone think of this crazy lame idea i fell for? Does a healthey man of 47 to50 masterbate, do they usually have sex? and how often for a normal healthy one? Ineed to know this people? I really don't know what the norm is here, I am living a very unnormal life, that is why I am writing for some good advice. Please I need it to save my marriage AND MY SANITY. IF I LEAVE I WILL BE LOOKED DOWN ON IN THE FAMILY BECASUE NO ONE KNOWS WHAT I GO THROGH HOW DO YOU TALK ABOUT SOETHING LIKE THIS? HE IS A GOOD GUY BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THIS HE CAN GET REALLY GET MEAN AND IRRATE WITH ME. I try, no response, nothing, he's had a check up i checked with the numbers his t levals are great, but wouldn't they have to be good to be able to masterbate each week that he has admittted to, ? I need some good advice i seem not to blieve him, can a man stop wanting his wife and chose pleasing hsself over a good looking women, this is a horrible thing for me, i love him that is killing me, but enough is enough, when do i tell him a CHANGE or it's over, I don't even expect intercourse I would love just some attention touching with the hugging ,hugging is his max and a kiss. Why can't he do MORE TO SHOW HE LOVES ME? My husband can not touch me in the least bit I mean sexually at all. What is wrong with him? couseling we been,I'm at my wits end please I'm at my wits end scared my marriage is dead!
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male
reader, rogerw +, writes (8 January 2012):
Having been there, and not gay, I'd say that to him, jerking off to the Internet is less stressful than having to perform for you. I have to imagine that you directly or indirectly put a lot of pressure on him to perform. Women tend to bring that belief that "men are always ready" from their 20s into their 50s no matter how the woman looks or behave. Well honey, it isn't true, after about ~age 35. You are not 20 anymore. You're not as attractive as you were when you were 20. Farting/belching constantly, putting on 40 lbs, dressing in baggy sweat pants, acting bitchy at every turn is NOT turning us on. Of course he still loves you, but getting it up for you is an entirely different issue. Don't believe me? Bring in a cute 20 year old and see what he does with her LOL. Seriously, let up. Remember what turned him on back then. If he's let himself go? Well then, decide if you want to let your end go too, or work to fix it.....Otherwise leave the bastard and move on. I prefer to spend my evenings in the gym by myself. From my own experience I'd love for my woman to experiment, to dress sexy, to try working out, to look sexy, to not fart once we start getting intimate. Instead I go home to see yawning, complaining and a fat ass. Aww hell, you all get the message.
A
female
reader, bitch +, writes (13 November 2009):
Try counseling then if that doesn't work leave this man. He is not right for you if he doesn't want to please you. If he loved you enough, he would try to please you. Who cares what your family or his family thinks about you if you leave him, it is YOUR happiness that counts in life. If you aren't happy, what is the point?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks all who wrote i rated your advice highly, i think i can use alot of your response for help with my terrible siuation. To the resonder that asked why don't you masterbate to? I just have no desire to do that, it is not a bad thing, actually a normal thing, I just feel I am married why should I have to?This make me all the more mad and I just plain have no desire to go that route, I feel why bring my self to his leval, I want a normal loving relationship that i know we can have, and to the reader that responed he is hiding maybe a std? I don't think that either I see all his medicines which are are and few if any, he is Healthy, I do feel in my heart he loves me, he tells me daily, I do feel he does separtate the word I love you and love making into different categorys, I feel he thinks giving me a kiss, and saying I love you and helping me aroud the house with anything i would ask, is eenough, this man would go out at 3 am and get me anything I wanted if I asked. So why can't he make love to me when i ask??? There is something I am missing, and again in my heart I may be wrong could it not be the masterbating? And soething else? What in the world could it be? I have check everything, went to counseling many times, one time the couselor asked to see him one time alone, and that was the last time we went, I think I made a big mistake BY AGREEING TO THAT, but what can I do? He was a therpist a good one, to this day I am not sure of the truth of what was said in that session I was not at, my husband says the therapist said soe men get use to what they had when living at home with his mother before he married me, i asked what he meant he said the therapist said he was acting like a baby and spolied, For some reason I think that part is true, but I believe 100% there is alot more my husband let out?? What is anyones guess it could be? I am thinking anything from not liking the way I look anymore, by the way i look the same as the day he married me, I am pretty, but he doesn't say that to e only in rare occasions say if I put a new outfit on, but i'm alays fixed up i never go without my hair and makup fixed and pressed clothes,there i go again thinking it is me, I know it could be, but it would all be in his mind if it is me? Could he not like my looks? anymore? I'm not eavy either? Anymore help would greatly appreciated, what do you do if you can't get your husband to open up, I mean he won't budge. I did ask him one time if I ever passed away would he date evenually, i asked in a way i tricked him into a anser, he said probally after a long while but never marry again, then i asked him how often he would date, he said immesdialtly about once a month, then i had him, I asked real fast then I said well then if you would date would you have sex? Guess what his anser was? He said yes! Now what's wrong with my husband, when he ansered that he knew real fast he was conned into it by me, he imediatly said then no I mean I will never want to go out if soething happend to you. You see these signs I catch him in say he can have sex and would with other women, so people what can i do to get him to want me again? I have to get a good advice fast, the therpist part has been done and over,it is up to my husband or me to get him to open up, but how????????????????????????
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A
male
reader, Waderex +, writes (12 November 2009):
Upon reading your question, my gut reaction is that your husband is gay but afraid to say it or unwilling to accept it.
The 2nd thought is that he suffers from some form of erectile dysfunction and is afraid to confront a medical condition that can be caused by something as simple as a pinched nerve in his back.
I would STRONGLY urge you to seek professional help. When you have worked through the issues with your personal therapist, then talk to him. NOT BEFORE!!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (12 November 2009):
 First of all, it is true that men in their 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond may masturbate, as do women, but usually in addition to sexual relations with their wife or one or more girlfriend(s). While normal to some degree, it is usually more of an addition to regular heterosexual activities with a man's spouse or lover, but that is just my opinion. Masturbation can, under certain circumstances, become addictive and even replace normal heterosexual activities between a man and his wife, as you seem to describe.
Your description indicates a rather extreme situation, in my opinion. We can not, and probably should not, advise you here. You state that professional counseling has been conducted. My advice is to continue the counseling and ultimately heed such advice.
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A
male
reader, Seadansr +, writes (12 November 2009):
The simple thing to ask him if is sleeping with someone else. Then ask him if he has a std. Cause he probably caught it and is afraid that if u get it then his secret is out
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