A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm married 34 year old woman who recently started school. I am in my second term now and have an established schedule for study, family and spouse time. I love my husband dearly and openly he says he is happy that I am in school and how proud of how I did last term. Which is wonderful to hear, but my issue is this. I have study times when I NEED to be in seminar or working on projects. Since I am online school I am working from home. My darling husband constantly interrupts me during class/study time. "I know your in class BUT" and then what he needs is really petty and unimportant and could really wait the Hour or so I have slotted for studying. I've asked him why he does this and he doesn't know. But he doesn't stop. If I'm sitting around doing nothing he really doesn't have questions for me. But if Im Reading, studying or doing something I enjoy he cant stop asking me questions that are stuff he already knows. We have one on one time without the kids. We talk and spend quality time together so I cant figure out why he needs attention when he knows I need to focus in order to do well. I'd like to solve this without having to go to a WIFI location outside my home to study. So What is his issue? What can I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 October 2014):
 Do you inform him that you will now STUDY and do NOT want to be disturbed for the next 1-2 hours? Or did you inform him when you first started that, this is how you want it?
Honestly, that would DRIVE me mad!
Here is my advice.
HAVE a designated study areas that is NOWHERE near the family high traffic areas - preferably with a door to close.
PUT a sign on said door (or have a little whiteboard) with the time when you're done and don't disturb me till then.
YOU (as annoying as that sounds) HAVE to train him to leave you be. IF he still comes in, tell him, I can't help you right now - talk to you at 6pm (or whenever you are done) TELL him please respect that this is MUCH harder for me when you keep interrupting.
And as " like I see it" mentioned ASK him BEFORE starting to study if there is anything he needs to talk about or discuss because you rather NOT be interrupted.
However, with that said. I don't think he interrupt you out of malice, but because he isn't quite adapting to this new situation well. This is YOU doing things for YOU, and you DO NOT seem to NEED him. He will get used to it if you REINFORCE the fact that you NEED peace and quiet for study time with NO interruptions.
Since school (for the kids) have started back up, Saturday is my day for sleeping in. The kids know it, the hubby knows it (the cats ignore it.. ) But in the beginning my husband would wake me up for the DUMBEST reasons ever. Like he couldn't find the measuring spoon for the coffee or whatnot, instead of just using another spoon he had to wake me up.. SERIOUSLY!. IT took a few times "bending it in neon" for my family to get it, but they do now. (and It's not like I lay in bed till noon lol I sleep til 8.30am which is sleeping in for me, as I normally get up at 5 am mon-fri.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2014): Just tell him from now on, if he disturbs you you're going to have to ignore it because as your studies progress you're going to need to make sure that you are concentrating as you only get those allocated time slots.Speak with him and use the others posters suggestion about saying you will ask him before you study, is there anything he needs to ask you? If not, it will have to wait. Then you shut yourself in a room!I'm studying for my degree at the moment and am very fortunate to have been supported so kindly by my husband. He works crazy hours and shifts but on my busy days he has made sure he's made extra portions of dinner so I have something quick to re-heat and kept the house tidy. Once your husband gets used to it he'll get better at not disturbing you! Not that I am in anyway suggesting husbands are like children...but maybe give him a few jobs to do while you study so he is occupied and out the way...lol perhaps asking him to get some items from the shops, mow the lawn, prepare dinner...Good luck in your studies, it will be the best thing you've ever done :-) enjoy!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 October 2014):
 Find a room to be alone in, and hang a note on the door saying "Busy. Do not disturb". Or put the note on your back and then use earplugs. Often, people just need a visual reminder. I bet he does ask you things when youre free as well, its just that you dont notice it as much as when you are studying. Use the notes. They help. My former boss used to do this all the time, because just closing the door to her office didnt do the trick. But the notes worked wonders. I know, because my office was next to hers. So I saw all the people coming to talk to her, who only turned around when there was a note. A closed door jut meant they knocked before disturbing...
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (2 October 2014):
 First off, congratulations on going back to school!
If I had to guess I'd say your husband has probably become accustomed to having your full attention and so the classes are taking him some getting used to. Subconsciously he may want to know where he rates on your list of priorities now that you're back in school (essentially, increasing your personal and professional value) and getting a response from you when he interrupts your studies may be something of a reassurance to him (again, subconsciously) that he's still more important to you than all that.
Also, I'd assume you're not studying in a room where there's a TV on in the background? So if he's in there alone with you maybe he just feels awkward sitting there in silence and is then compelled to fill it with small talk. If, on the other hand, you are trying to study in the main family room then moving to one less frequently occupied might be enough.
Vacating the house to do your studying may ultimately be the best bet, but you might also try enlisting him in some other concentration-heavy task or activity while you study so that he doesn't have the opportunity to distract you. "Honey, can you help Susie with her homework while I do mine?" "Do you mind seeing what that notice from the utility company was all about?" If someone calls earlier in the day with a non-urgent message, wait until you're about ready to break out the books and then remind him - "Oh, I almost forgot, Steve called for you this morning; you might want to call him back." Put your kids up to asking him for stories read aloud, if they are in an age range where they'd enjoy that. And so on.
You might also consider asking him, "Before I go to study, is there anything you need?" which says without saying that you are looking to study without interruption. if he comes in later with some unimportant question, the fact that you *just* asked him whether he needed anything may help him to be more conscious of the fact that he is now about to interrupt you over something trivial after all. Hopefully he'll think twice about it and wait until you're done.
If none of the above works, then yes, it is probably time to move your studies outside the home. Given that you've already discussed this problem with him and given that he wasn't able to offer any insight as to why he does it, or to modify his behavior, there may not be much to gain by continuing to bring it up to him. Relocating may also serve as a sort of wake-up call to him that you really do need peace and quiet while you work, and perhaps he'll even offer to leave you alone when he sees that instead you are going all the way to the coffee shop (library, community center, etc) to get it.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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