A
male
age
26-29,
*ordanheartbroke23
writes: So its my senior year of high school and its supposed to be one of the best years of my life. But its not I find myself alone most of the time I only really have one true friend but when hes busy I have no one. Its because my ex I was with her from my freshman year to my junior year. The problem with her was that we would be off and on and when we were off she would find someone else. And everytime I would fight for her back, it caused me to lose alot of friends along the way. Most recently one of my close friends has been very close with her such as texting, snapchatting, and hang around her all the time. This has caused me to feel even worse and more alone. I feel like I've hurt myself by putting all my time into this girl thinking she was the one. I don't know what to do or who to trust the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of a fresh start at college next year. Would really appreciate some advice to anyone who has some for me.
View related questions:
my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2014): You my friend just got a healthy dose of life, and you've begun your journey into real manhood/adulthood.
What a lot of young people don't realize is that the relationships we have in our preteens and teens are trial relationships. After puberty, we usually start to realize our sexual identity; and start pairing off with our first romantic attractions. As you get older these trial relationships get more and more intense, and our emotions get more focused on a particular individual. Some go completely overboard! Head over heals! Stupid!!!
You are the cool serious romantic-type. Your feelings are deep; and when you care, you care deeply. When you fall, you fall hard.
This is a learning exercise in Love 101. You shouldn't idolize someone you have romantic feelings for, and you shouldn't place them so high up on a pedestal that they are so high we don't expect them to display human behavior. We can't see their faults. They will make mistakes, they are capable of hurting us, they will isolate us from others if they're greedy; and they might also manipulate you. If they know you are too infatuated with them.
You abandoned and pushed everyone away; so you could focus all your feelings and attention on this one girl. It didn't even matter if she was reciprocating. You were so in-love with being in-love, that you feel friendships had no value. Even worse, you thought you had outgrown your friends. You were so totally whipped, dude!!!
The lesson you've learned and will now be able to take with you on your journey is; you don't sacrifice your support-system/bros like you don't need them anymore.
You don't toss people who care for you like trash; because you think you've found something more valuable. You don't turn your back on the people who were around before the girl. Other girls and guys, who invested their time, trust, and love going way back. People knowing you before you had pubes and had a squeakier voice. Your boys. They had your back when you were threatened, and made you laugh when you felt like crap. Friends. Now you know the value. You need them when your heart has been broken. Always remember your friends.
Dies ist gut!!! This is the best lesson.
We humans are designed to have lovers, and our friends. They have a purpose and responsibility. They keep us level-headed, they catch us when we fall, and they cradle us when all seems to go wrong; or we have a huge loss. The expect us to be there when they need us. Big time trust!
If you find a girl who demands all your time, requires you to focus all your attention on her, she doesn't really care about you. She needs fans and admirers. Your feelings are just something she uses to control you by. You're so caught-up you may not see this.
Friends are there to remind you when you're losing touch with reality. They are always waiting on the sidelines, the minute something goes wrong. They got your back! They know when you're being setup for heartbreak. They do everything to try to warn us, but we take it as jealousy and interference. You cut ties, but live to regret it. They see what you can't see, and try their best to save you! You think she's so precious and perfect. If they say one thing bad about her, you'd fight them; or end the friendship on the spot. If it comes down to that, you've got real bad!!! Real bad!!!
You can have friends and still be very faithful to your girlfriend. No one is your everything. Dissing your friends makes absolutely no sense; it kind of makes you look simple and a bit crazy. Now you're alone and learning their true value. You also learned she was an ordinary girl and not a goddess. You cannot survive on the love of one girl.
You have some extra time on your hands. Swallow your pride and see if you can rebuild a few bridges. Your one friend isn't too busy, he may be dismissing you just like you've treated everybody else. He blows you off when you decide to contact him; only because your girl is gone, and you've got nothing better to do. He doesn't appreciate being an afterthought. He thought you were bros!
Everybody else got busy in the meantime, found your replacement, and they're mending the wounds left when you hurt their feelings and let them down.
There is still a little room left in their hearts to forgive you; even if they don't take you back as a friend. If you've burnt bridges in a bad way, perhaps apologies all around are in order. They may still miss you, my young friend. You got time on your side, I wouldn't completely give-up on old friends. You can also start making new buddies as well, and start from scratch. You never burn bridges.
You've learned a valuable lesson, and your post shows the decent and caring guy you really are. No one will fault you, they can relate. Give it a try. Don't drag your ass around until next year. Go let them know you didn't mean to let them down.
Seriously?!! What have you got to lose?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 October 2014):
 You are suffering from heartache. But do not despair. It passes. Dont get hung up in ideas of how your life is "supposed" to be. Life is life, cant be planned, and has a tendency to just happen the way it happens. The idea that youre "supposed" to be especially happy or live your life a certain way is really dumb, to be honest. I dont know who is telling you you are supposed to have the greatest year of your life now, but whomever it is: ignore it completely. Youre not supposed to feel anything different from how you actually feel. And when suffering from a broken heart, how yiu feel right now is quite normal.
...............................
|
