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female
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anonymous
writes: I have just found out that my boyfriend looks at porn. We have been together for about 9 months. He went to work abroad and I've been out to see him twice now.On my last visit I was using his laptop and found the link in his drop down menu. I did ask him if he had been on the site and he said yes, ages ago. I felt sick and so unsexual. I couldn't speak to him as I felt sad and felt as if I wasn't enough for him.I came home and we spoke about it over the phone he said he has always looked at it but didn't look at it when I was there with him. He said I'm not there all the time and he looks at it the odd time if he feels horny. I told him it make me feel as if I'm not satisfying him and I'm not enough. He said that is not the case at all. I know we live in different countries at the moment but we send texts and we talk to each other on the web cam nearly every night. We even have web cam sex every week. This is what hurts as why does he have to look at porn when he has me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2006): Get some spy software and install it on his computer, if you have access. If you are having web sex, he may be using it with others. I know this sounds harsh, but it's happened to me. Be careful what you wish to know, you might not like what you find out. I wish I could be more positive, but I'm glad I found out the real truth. Peace of mind is worth alot and knowing exactly the extent of your problem is a great first step
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (7 June 2006):
 I am afraid to say that it is for the titilation and considering he is in a foreign country to you men think about sex (I think the old quote was something like every 30 seconds - well you get my drift). Anyway, he is looking because he doesn't have you right there next to him and the other alternative is that he gets sex elsewhere from someone real instead of the virtual sex.
Porn on the net is so available these days that it is so much easier than going into a shop and buying it off the top shop and being put into a brown bag and being carried discreetly out of the shop - men in raincoats etc in the olden days.
A lot of men will look at porn on the net but some can control it where others can't and it can get quite depraved but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is in a foreign country and using it as a form of release rather than having an affair with someone. What would you prefer?
If he has always looked at it, then I am pretty sure he will not just stop overnight.
Is there any plans for him to move back home again? The only true way of monitoring it is if you are living together and having a good sex life yourselves. Having said that men can still look even if you have an active sex life as some women prefer their men to do that than continually request sex.
I know how you feel about not feeling sexual but you are and you should remind yourself of that fact.
It all depends on how the web sex goes each week and whether he continually talks about your sessions instead. Get yourself some sexy clothing or shoes etc and you will soon feel very sexy and tell him about what you have bought or show him online. Be his online lover rather than someone else instead.
Make sure that you have a secure connection though as you wouldn't want others seeing what you are doing as it should be a private showing.
It is a hard one to truly advise you on as you are not living together and he is in a foreign country.
It all comes down to solid trust and how much you love someone and understanding but if it is all too much to bear then you need to address that. It is not an uncommon thing for a man to do, quite the opposite infact.
Don't blow it completely out of proportion and stay strong.
At the end of the day it is you who has to decide if you can live with it or not. You are basically giving him an online show instead of the images you saw on his laptop.
Best of luck.
BFN
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A
female
reader, M.A. +, writes (7 June 2006):
Your boyfriend watches porn. Just like a lot of men, actually most men and it has nothing to do with how he feels about you. The occasional time that he watches porn is okay, it doesn't mean that he doesn't find you to be "enough". The only time that I'd be worried would be if he was frequently watching it and the porn was taking away from your relationship. Otherwise, I would not worry, it's quite healthy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): Dear anonymous, As a male myself, I find it ok for what your boyfriend is doing. First of all, he might get lonely considering the fact that you might not get to see eachother so often. Also, most men before they are married watch porn, even with girlfriends. Men aren't like women, we aren't as ladylike. Don't feel down about your boyfriend, it is normal and should not go in the way of you two sharing a thriving relationship.
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A
female
reader, sibaan +, writes (7 June 2006):
 you need to tell him that his porn makes you feel worthless and that it affends you. he shouldnt need porn concidering you do all that. your man needs help. but then again be thankfull its just pictures of other girls and not actual girls....
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