A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, I met this guy online and we live in different states, we've been talking on the phone for about 6 months and he says he really likes me, and I really like him too, sometimes we get into arguments about little stuff, then usually i would just stop talking to him and then later he will usually be the one to initiate the call or send a msg. I do believe he has interest in me. I don't know, maybe its nothing, but I don't like it when he mentions any of his ex gfs.But once in a while (few times)when we're talking about something he'll mention about his exes for example like 'oh yeah me and my ex gf went to _________, her sister lives there and was showing us around' He mentioned that when I was telling him about the trip I just came back from, the same place. I didn't say anything to him that I didn't like him mentioning his ex, because I wasn't sure if it was ok or not. I'm thinking about asking where our relationship stands at, because we've never officially said we are bf/gf but with the way we talk and what we talk about its like we are a couple already and one thing is because we live in diff. states. After i'm done with stuff here, i'm planning to move, and find a job there to be with him.Ok so he recently went on a trip, we were talking on the phone, and he told me that its such a small world because he didn't expect he would bump into his friends that he hasn't seen for years in such a far away place, and then he mentions that he bumped into his ex gf (different from the one above) and says that he hasn't seen her for 10 yrs, and said he wonders why and when she moved there. It sounded like he was in a little deep thought about it, then he talked about other stuff. I'm not sure, but I know i'm a sensitive person, insecure and easily get jealous, I hope I'm wrong and just thinking too much. I asked him before if he misses his ex and he just said 'uh, no, why?' Because I found him on those relationship advice sites like this one (i didn't tell him though, of course) and in the forum it sounds like he really loved her and at that time tried ways to get back with her, and it was about a year ago that they broke up. So I'm also worried that he might still want to be with her and that I might be just a rebound girl.But besides him mentioning about his exes out of the blue once in a while, everything seems fine, I don't feel like i'm explaining or wording this out right, because it sounds confusing and I am jumping around (sorry), but i am CONFUSED so...thats why i'm here asking for some good advice, especially I'm thinking about moving to where he is, that is something to think about if he really is interested in me and not just want me as a rebound, or whatever it may be. Thanks for taking the time to read this, i know its kinda long and doesn't make much sense..sorry . anyones help and advice is greatly appreciated! Plz feel free to tell me if i'm just crazy for thinking that way about stuff I mentioned because I know I often drown myself with my own thoughts and go nutz..*PRAYS* Thanks again!
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broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, insecure, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your great advice guys! I feel much better, i told him about it and he apologized and asked if it would be better if he didn't mention those things. He explained he just said those things because he didn't have anything to hide and that he understands where I'm coming from with it...but i hope he isn't mad at me for it even though he said he understands :(
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 January 2009):
 People you meet through out your life will leave an imprint on you. They will in one way or another always mean something to you. Same goes for your BF.
Some people like your BF likes to share his life, I think that kinda shows he is over the ex-gf's he talks about. You have no reason to be jealous about them, they are ex's for a reason.
Most likely he's not even aware of it. Some people don't talk about their past and past relationships and that might make them seem secretive, he just lays it all out there. It might also be part nervousness on his part. You mentioned a place and he wanted to share that place with you, because he had been there.
I don't think you are a rebound girl, unless all he likes to talk about is the good qualities of his ex and how it hurt to break up.
Stop over analyzing everything he says:) I know that is harder said then done, but it is possible.
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A
female
reader, TT  +, writes (5 January 2009):
 definately insecure...... i often bring my exes up in RELEVENT conversations, as in, you mentioned a trip, and therefore it was appropriate for him to comment on it; it just so happens that it involved his ex girlfriend.I'm in a pretty new relationship now, and both of us would mention our exes as it's all a part of who we are. The important thing to remember is that they're exes for a reason, and that if you're starting a relationship together then you're bound to want to know every little detail!!..i think the ex files are often good to look into in a certain respect, as you can learn more about the person you're dating!!It's not like he's saying "my ex was the most beautiful thing i've ever seen, god i miss her"....???I know it hurts...sure everyone gets that niggly jealous feeling...but deep down it's not important, and you should let your relationship flouirsh.If it bothers you THAT much though, then by all means, talk to your man about it!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): Hi there,
It's probably because he wants to share it all with you.. And he says whatever comes to his mind and is going on in his heart.. But if he really appreciates you he should also add later on that he likes being with you. And actually just shut up about his past.
I know it hurts and it hurts like hell but just wait and watch where this goes. If you don't feel okay about it then pull yourself out of this relationship gradually. Stop thinking about it too and don't let it carry you away.
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A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (5 January 2009):
 Theres a good chance he's not 100% over them and there still in his mind for good or bad reasons..
Being able to talk to someone about it helps to over come it,when you love someone it don't die over night,even more so if there pain...So get use to it,if you like him then tell him anything he got on his chest you'll listen and try your best to understand..
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