A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I just cannot understand this man! I havent known him long and we havent had sex. I met him on holiday and of course I understand holiday romances, but it would be so easy for me to see him where he lives as I have a friend who lives not far from him and I often go over there. When we departed from hols he said see you in....soemtime when youre over there. I have his home address and phone number and he is widowed.He wants to see other women but he doesnt want to see me!!!! he knows I like him and I thought he liked me a bit but obviously doesnt. I can understand him not wanting anything special at the moment as its less than two years since his wife died. however why is he happy to go with other women (he told me) but not me now even though we have never slept together? we have so much in common. I too have had a lot of hurt, so could have helped him through but he said I mustnt see him-even though he was happy to when we departed from hols. I have emailed him and asked what his problem is and he says he doesnt want a relationship, ok then why is he going out with other women, why I cant I be one of his women? Why cant he ask me if I am happy to be one of them - surely that is my choice?Or why cant he be honest and tell me why he doesnt like me? he was e mailing me then he stopped. I know I have to move on, but I wish I knew why he had turned against me especially when he wanted sex, and we have never done it. surely he would take up the challenge IF I was willing to go along with it as just one of his women.What have they got I haven't??
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female
reader, Angela.B +, writes (4 August 2008):
 Of course it would be your choice if you were happy to be one of his women, but as he hasn't asked he obviously doesn't want you to be. I can see three possible reasons for this from what you have said.
One is he is just looking for sex - as you didn't have sex while together if that is all he wants he might presume it isn't worth pursuing.
The second is you aren't really his type and it was just a holiday thing. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, just that he has different tastes.
The third is he isn't ready for a relationship and he thinks more of you than just someone to have a good time with. In other words you have more than his other women do, but he just isn't ready for that yet. Judging by his email to you this seems the most likely and it is through respect for you that he doesn't want to treat you like the others (which presumably are just fun for him).
Either way, the ball is in his court to do something and he has made his wishes at the moment known so there is little you can do other than to respect those and move on. Perhaps in time he will contact you again when he is ready but you can't put your life on hold on the off chance that he does.
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