A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I recently got into an argument because I got mad that this girl kept flirting with him. He didn't go along with it but he didn't make her stop either. She used to call him petnames, until I begged him to make her stop. She knows we're together. She lives in another state so he thinks it's not a big deal, but it really makes me mad. Now he's not talking to me. He does this a lot actually...sometimes he just ignores me for days. We've been taking a break for a while now because he's trying to get a job and just started college. This is his first relationship and idk if that has anything to do with it. It's been about nine months now, and I'm tired of him doing this. One minute we're perfectly fine...two weeks later he's ignoring me. He once said he doesn't want to get hurt and won't say he loves me because he doesn't want to speak out of turn, which confuses me because he used to say it all the time when we first got together. How do I get him to stop? How can I make him talk about whatever the REAL problem is? Is he mad because I confronted him about the girl? That was like two days ago
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Don't make someone a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 Commitment is not just what we say to each other, but also what we communicate to others. This long-distance girl is probably not a threat to you, but I can understand your feelings that pet-names from anyone other than you are inappropriate. I share them.
I suspect he ignores you because he can and your discomfort with it grants him the power in your relationship. Begging him to stop having that girl call him pet names, being SO vocal about your jealousy (while not inappropriate) again feeds his belief that he holds the power in your relationship. In fact, quite bluntly, it gives him the power.
Let’s be honest with each other…. You are either 16 or 17 years old and this guy is very likely not the man you will marry and spend the rest of your life with. If he were, he would nipped the flirting in the bud without your urging and would not treat you this way. He is therefore practice for dating until you meet that man.
So I recommend appearing not to notice he is ignoring you... be too busy to notice... do not let him see it affect you. In the beginning you may have to fake it, but if you are successful, in time you will feel it for real. I like to call this tactic “fake until you make it” and it works in SO many aspects of life!
You are not jealous of the girl or her pet-names or her flirting. Oh? Was he ignoring you? You are an exciting and interesting and busy young woman who does not play silly games. You didn’t notice. You were out with friends doing interesting things or studying or painting your toenails or whatever, but certainly you are not noticing what he is or isn’t doing…. Why not let him chase YOU around for a while?
This tactic - and in fact demanding respect for ourselves through our behaviour in general - is not easy when we start.. but it IS very simple. And once you create the right habits, it WILL BECOME easy... Trust me on this... I know. ;-)
Good luck.
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