A
female
age
30-35,
*eather016
writes:My boyfriend is stationed at another state. Every weekend, he would drive 35 miles to meet me. He sometimes would come to visit her sister here who's in college now. Why would he rather spend his time alone in the shopping mall, instead of asking me along to have dinner with him? Since we don't meet that often and he has to travel 35 miles to my place, why wouldn't he just drop by to say hi to me or to take me out for dinner? Why not? Is it normal for me to feel so? Or I should 'give him his personal time'? I just don't get it. I wouldn't want to ask him again about it because we would always get into arguments if we talk about it. He always says that I had always been okay with meeting every weekend and now when he comes to the city during the weekdays, I want to spend time with him too. Is it wrong? During the weekends, if he takes his family to the city, he wouldn't drop by my house to even say hi or take me out for dinner. Why? Why does he have to maintain his individualism and separate me from his life or his family? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (18 June 2011):
 I was dating a guy for several months who did this. During the few months it was fine..we were getting to know eachother.
After 4-5 months, he was still kept parts of his life VERY exclusive. (While he enjoyed and had access to mine!) He did not open up those parts of his world and it was making me VERY uneasy.
I asked him about it and he told me that NO ONE ever gets complete access to all his personal life and social circles. I told him that I did not want to see him any more.
I am a FULL believer that ALL relationships are ENTITLED to have a balanced life between friends, family, and self.
But, when it is clear someone has NO intent of including you in other areas of their life EVER....
Time to ask, what part DO I play here?
I would say that if you have been exclusivley dating this guy for over 6 mos-you should be included to meet friends. Family might be a different deal. That may be a sign of serious commitment, ie engagement, in his family.
Best Wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): clearly he's not ready to get 'engulfed' in a relationship with you, and maybe he fears that engulfment is what you want.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 June 2011):
 Does his family know about you? Have you both been together for a long time? Maybe he just likes to keep things separate. Or maybe he is just not ready for you to meet his family yet. I guess he is the only person that can answer this, if it is really bothering you well then you do need to talk to him about it.
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