A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why would a guy in his late 20's and still a virgin, not want to havesex? What does it mean when he only wants bjs?? He is a nice guy and touchy handsy but when it comes to the topic of sex and lets do it, he freezes? How to get him to relax? Thank you
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (23 August 2010):
 While the previous posters do have their points I suppose its vaguely possible he's just scared he won't be able to please you or something.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): Te reason he is not having sex with you is simple. You are not 'The One'
Think about it: He is a virgin (well a technical virgin) so he must want a virgin too. You then give him blow jobs. He gets his but it also tells him you sort of put out. So he sticks around for the blow jobs but doesn't want to honour you with having full sex. Plus he knows that he can get it from you so you aren't much of a challenge.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): I would take ask older sister's advice. He clearly does have an issue with sex, not a healthy one, and you getting involved with him might affect the way you feel about yourself. I also agree that he probably hides his true colors behind the "virgin" image.
I dated a "virgen" who didn't like sex...it turns out he was a hardcore porn addict.
This man is not who you think he is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): Wow this sounds so much like a guy friend of mine. He's in the same boat, he wants to have sex but he's scared. He spent his teenage years and early 20's terrified of getting a girl pregnant and because of that, no sex. Now he wants to have sex but is scared and doesn't know why. Maybe it has to do with being older and feeling like he has more to live up to now when he finally does have sex. When you're 16 or 18 fumbling around it's not as bad as when you're in your mid or late 20's or later. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that but I can imagine it adds to the pressure to be good at it. My advice is to ask him why he is against it. If he's scared then you may have to initiate it or wait til he is more comfortable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): Hi all, thank you for your responses, i am the OP...we have been seeing each other for 5 months, he is kind and seems genuine and when we first met he was straight up about being a virgin and waiting for the right moment and person. Went out a few times and i know for a fact we are exclusive, we kiss and he touches me everywhere but when it comes to sex, he freezes, like all of a sudden he has to leave, he loves me byebye. And im left increasingly frustrated. I told him how i felt and all he says is relax, its not the right moment. Granted we are both very busy with work..im just confused and thinking its time to move on. In all other aspects he is AMAZING..thank you again
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): what does touchy handsy mean? will he give you oral? is your question only about penetrative sex?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): Hi,
Its amazing how you women (person 1234 & Ask older sister) may have it COMPLETLY WRONG!!
The original poster didnt say that he doesnt satisfy her in other ways!!
If the guy is a virgin as you say, he's probably nervous..or maybe he doesnt really know what to do. Maybe he doesnt want/know how to wear a condom or want to get is woman pregnant.
Its not nesessarily about him.
Why dont you ask him why he doesnt indulge in penentive sex.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Oh I misread the part about only wanting BJs as you offering and him refusing or something. Yes that changes everything. It means what OlderSister said. He only wants it to be about him. If he has sex, he has to worry about pleasing you as well. He's being very selfish. I wouldn't give him anymore BJs until he reciprocates.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 August 2010):
He's probably just really nervous. You can't make him relax, but have you tried to initiate? Obviously you shouldn't pressure him into sex before he's ready though. If he doesn't want to have sex even if you try to initiate (so he doesn't have the extra pressure of being shot down) you should just ask him what's up. Maybe he has a moral or religious reason he hasn't talked about yet.
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