A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a little over a month, but he and I have been "together" (friends with benefits) for 5 months. I like him, I kinda love him, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to say it to him yet. The problem is that EVERYTIME he and I hang out he mentions his ex. Honestly, it bugs me a little. Sure, I'll mention my ex if there was a story behind it, but he mentions her all the time.As far as I know they dated for 2 years, but they had a terrible relationship. They were on and off again all the time and she treated him like dirt. Is there any way that I can hint on that I don't like him mentioning her in front of me without being blunt about it?ALSO. Another thing that I really dislike about him is that I don't know how many girls he's slept with. What really got me was when he said that he and his ex used to sleep together, but a friend (my friend, his good friend) reassured me that it was only about 3 or 4 times. He also told me a story about another girl he cheated on his gf with that he fingered. I'll admit that my bf and I have had sex a lot, and for our first time he asked if I was on the pill, when I said no and that he needed protection he said, "I never wore a condom before. I'm always used to girls on the pill." Say what? Girls? Plural? He's REALLY a nice guy. I trust him, but this is bothering me! He's "dated" over 13 girls. I've dated more guys, but I've been innocent until my last bf. Should I confront my bf and ask him? Or should I just lay low and trust him? I really need reassurance.
View related questions:
condom, his ex, my ex, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE:
Female anonymous:
It matters because he and I are both young, I feel like if I found out that he slept with alot of girls then I might be another girl on the side for him (that happened with another guy before. I don't want it to happen again). Like, I really do think that he's really nice, but his friend's aren't too great. He's in some kind of "gang" with these other guys, and they're really tough, I feel like if he's this tough gang guy then he shouldn't be the nicest person.
He kept saying that he was over her. He made that clear, but he just keeps bringing her up.
Thanks for your post! =]
Basschick:
Yeah, I guess I should trust him. But he only told me that he slept with his ex but made it seem like he slept with other girls. So, naturally, I'm curious.
Well, he and I met around the end of September. The day we met he broke up with his gf. The next week they dated again then broke up 3 days later. Then he and I got together. So, it was right before we went out. At first I thought, "Ok. So. It's only natural." But it wouldn't stop. This could really end our relationship if he keeps talking about her, 'cause I know they're really over when it comes to their relationship but I feel like he's not over her.
Jen1689:
Woah, we're, like, twins. Yeah, he brings her up everytime and I've heard TONS of stories about how she ruined his life, basically. But, which makes me question why he dated her for so long. Yeah, she's in my head now too because when I'm going to say something to my bf, or I'm going to do something nice for him I always think, "I wonder if she did this?". That's what my bf claims, he says that he's soooo happy and I'm so sweet and adorable that he needs to be reminded that it's reality. I'm not blunt enough to blurt out that I hate him talking about her. And as for sex with her, I feel like they did it a lot and I'm being compared to her. Like, I have really low self-confidence, I don't know what his ex looked like. I've heard I'm prettier than her, but I feel like my bf secretly prefers her with all his talk. Like he told me about how she was on the pill and sex was easier with her since they didn't need condoms. But I can't get the pill. My mom would FLIP. But, I'm glad we have the same situation, that makes me feel less alone. =]
Anonymous male:
I'm not sure if he's the type to sleep around. I don't. But, I just wish I knew, it bugs me to think about what he did with his "over 13 girls".
THANKS FOR YOUR POSTS!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): "Guys usually have more sexual partners than we do because they have the capability of having sex with someone but not having feelings for her. So it's "on to the next" for them."The ability to separate sex and love is one thing. Actually going out and sleeping around a lot is something else. A few guys sleep around A LOT, but the majority of guys do not sleep around any more than women do. This is true at all ages.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 My partner did the exact same thing, when I began dating him. We would be hanging out and she would come up literally out of nowhere, but they were usually stories that related to our current situation. Or he would mention how much better I was than her. Like your boyfriend, my fiance had a VERY bad relationship with his ex, that lasted for two years, on-and-off. She was a terrible person to him. I've heard countless stories multiple times about how she wronged him. Yes, it bothered me. But the worst part is, I didn't say anything until it was too late. Now, she's an obsession. I got so used to him mentioning her and so used to hearing the same stories that she would automatically pop into my head, out of nowhere, because I would find some twisted way of connecting her to our current situation. Weird, right? My partner was definitely over her. He was just so in awe of how happy he could be with someone, that he felt he needed to remind himself of it and make sure it was real. We're engaged and have been together for over two years now. But trust me, TALK TO HIM about it. Tell him that it bothers you, and I assure you he will stop if he doesn't want to lose youAbout how many partners he's had... Boys will be boys. I never had sex with anyone before my fiance, but he's had two partners previous to me, and while it bothers me to think about, I don't want to hold it against him. When guys are young, all they want it sex, and they don't care who with. Sometimes, if a guy is in a horrible relationship with a girl, the sex is the only thing they have, or the guy feels it is the only thing that will make the girl happy. As long as she's happy in the bedroom, maybe she won't cheat? I couldn't tell you the logic. But guys are much different than girls, especially when they're young. Just don't talk to him about it anymore and I'm sure it'll leave your mind after a while. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Guys usually have more sexual partners than we do because they have the capability of having sex with someone but not having feelings for her. So it's "on to the next" for them. If I were you I wouldn't press the issue of how many lovers he's had. You probably won't like the answer and he'll probably leave out a few for good measure. What you can do the next time he brings up the ex, is make light of it, say, "Hey I got a great idea, how about we neither one talk about our ex for the next 2 weeks (2 months, forever)..." and then just sort of smile or laugh so he doesn't think you're mad, but knows you're serious. If he persists you could press the issue further, "Hey I once read, if you always talk about your ex, you'll never get over them...." I personally don't think he's over his ex. You didn't really say how long ago they broke up. And regardless of how she treated him, or how rocky the relationship is, I'd be willing to bet he still has feelings for her, and would probably take her back tomorrow. Go figure.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): Why does it really matter how many sex partners he's had? So he has a little more experience than you do...that just means he should be better able to please you, I'd think. So long as he's free of STDs and you both are being safe, I don't see how it's a big deal how many people he's been intimate with.
And the reason he keeps talking about his ex is that he's not over her. If he were, she would never come up. Simple as that.
Definitely confront him about it though. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable when he mentions his ex.
Good luck. :)
...............................
|
