A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I just want to know what others think to this.I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months. We don't live together yet but are planning to next year.He was my first love and after a number of years apart and us both having been married to other people we have a second chance together which is amazing.My problem is he says things but then denies saying it.We have an amazing love life and really connect together in a way we both love so much but things are bothering me.There is a sexual position I want us to do but he's never been interested and never instigated it happening.That isn't a big deal in itself as like I say we have a great love life.A couple of months ago he told me he wanted to do this certain position with someone else a long time ago in public with some girl but she lost her bottle and when I mentioned it to him a couple of days later and the fact that's something I've always wanted he denied ever saying he wanted this with someone else. I heard him say it clear as anything so why is he denying it? I was annoyed because there is nothing wrong with my hearing and when he saw I was annoyed he said he couldn't remember saying it and maybe I'd taken it the wrong way or possibly he'd said something along those line. I had repeated what he said to me word for word so there was no getting it wrong on my part.I had hoped that this would happen and in conversation today I said he often doesn't listen to me he then said he does and I brought this up saying this doesn't happen he was adamant this time he hadn't said this and was trying to say I had made it up. He's even said its a position he isn't sure of doing. It's me on top so hardly hanging from chandeliers or anything likely to cause injury. A normal position that most couples enjoy. He just doesn't want that with me sadly and I said that to him which annoyed him. I was really annoyed along with other things like him eyeing up other women when we are out and not just a glance but really looking.Again I said this to him and he denies it saying I'm imagining it or he hasn't seen whoever he blatantly looked at.He gets jealous over my previous partners and there hasn't been that many considering I was married a long time.He on the other hand has had a lot which I never worried about because it was his past. In the beginning of us I even put up with him saying things about women like celebrities and his past conquests and didn't feel jealous but I got to the stage after a particular sexual comment he made about a music video we were watching and how the woman in it was 'swollen' and wanting the guy she was dancing with. It was a case of enough why make these comments and why the hell would he need to say that about some woman's crutch for gods sake??!! He did at least admit then that was an inappropriate comment he made after I had a go at him and walked out telling him to carry on acting like a pervert but I'd had enough and was going home. He came after me after a few mins and we sorted it out but it did upset me.He says I'm the only woman he's been in love with and he wants to marry me but I feel with the lies now I would be making a massive mistake to carry on with him.I've told him I want honesty otherwise we have no future and he agrees with me and is sincere.I just know it will only take one more lie or inappropriate action or comment and I will walk away for good.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2015): Thank you for your reply Nora BHe seems to be making a real effort and although he still insists he didn't say he wanted that with someone else I'm trying to forget it. Easier said than done though but it's not something I think about too much which is a positive. He wants that with me despite his reservations. He has always said our love life excels anything he ever had before and I do believe him so again that's a positive too.He had a troubled childhood at times and was closed off for a number of years emotionally. He fell for me when he was 16 and I was 14 but being young we didn't communicate with each other like we should have. I guess it just wasn't our time back then despite then getting together for a fling when I was 18 and he 20 we still didn't tell each other how we felt properlyWhen we look back it's frustrating but now is important and that chance to be together. He now opens up to me so much which I love and he is like a breath of fresh air. I never doubt his love for me or the lust in his eyes that's always there when he looks at me. I just don't want lies because that will destroy us and I've told him this.
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (28 November 2015):
Yes this is a difficuly situation to be in with lies and misunderstandings.At this stage would you consider going to a counsellor to talk things out.Because this way he would know that you are quiet serious and maybe he would listen to the counsellor.As you have stated -one more lie and your gone.So outside help might be the best choice.Best wishes NORA B.
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