A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes: I tried again, am done being the nice guy, romantic, sweet talker, opening car doors ,poems,I've tried, an tried again, woman say they want to meet a good guy, well I've had it, am not going to be a bad boy, just don't give all I got.So ladies , can I meet, an hold on to a woman, when I act like I don't care? But that's not me. How much more can my heart take? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 November 2015):
 I think you might be over-doing the whole "courtly-love" approach.
Not every woman is going to be knocked for a loop over sweet-talking and poems. Poems are lovely for SOME ladies, but I think they are appropriate ONCE you know that person well, and for special occasions - not as a way to getting to know someone or show appreciation.
Opening doors is about manners, either you have them and use them or you don't. If that is part of who you are I'd say keep using your manners.
But I gather from your posts (you have posted several times about this) Is that you don't seem to understand tact and perception. You are oblivious to (not at all reading the woman) you are trying to impress. You think all these things, poems, sweet-talking and opening doors should MAKE them respond HOW you SEE fit. That they should immediately fall for you, swoon and be all a flutter. That is not reality.
If you are trying to woo a woman who isn't into poems and sweet-talking, you are not going to get very far.
Or if you are trying to woo a woman who isn't interested in you, you are not going to get very far either.
Personally, I would find it too "rehearsed" or "fake"- basically too much flourish too little substance - because this is not who you are 24/7. This is the side of you, you want a woman to see first. And while I DO love a good John Donne, William Blake, and my favorite Robert Frost. But I for one... would find it awkward to have a man try and write me poems when he truly doesn't know me. Poems are VERY personal, writing one to a "almost" stranger is impersonal.
WHY not.... BE yourself? Try to get to know these ladies (if there is mutual interest) by talking to them as equals, finding common ground, hobbies, interests -spending time together? Seeing places, doing things.
After all... IF the courtship works out and you two are with each other long term, she will want to BE with a real person, not a made up persona.
Doesn't mean you have to be a "not nice" guy, it just means that you HAVE to pay attention to your partner. Be a REAL person, not someone who lives in a Barbara Cartland novel.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2015): Be your own man. It is o.k being a gentleman with the ladies but at the same time have your own life and pursue your own goals in life. Let them look up at you not down at you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (25 November 2015):
I'm not going to give you any advice but I can't help empathize with you. Just yesterday I was having a conversation with a talent agent regarding a production I'm involved with. The name of busy and popular 'B-list' actress came up and he asked me if I knew that she is also a noted artist (paintings and drawings). He doesn't rep her and wasn't aware of it (I was and really like her art). This woman is as sweet as they come, is also paying her way thru flight school, and will soon have her commercial jet license. To boot, she is highly attractive and mostly gets glamour roles. I'm sure she's not over 25 yo. The agent told me that she had recently dated another actor for a year, a total bum of a guy who has a major drug habit and sucked her out of some money. I was floored.This is the most extreme example I can think of, but it is heavy on my mind as it happened just yesterday. I, too, am the guy opening car doors and just being the all-around nice guy. And I'm not doing any better than the guy who fills women full of lies (we see plenty of them on this site!). So, Aunts...let us nice guys know why women continually get attracted to guys who are bad news. And how do nice guys fight back?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2015): Are you sure you are not chasing the women you like but who are less likely to like you.
I'm not saying you should force yourself to be with someone you don't like, but maybe yous should examine what kind of women you are interested in.
...............................
|
