A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why does every man I have ever been out with feel compelled to mention how ‘hot looking’ girls are to me? I have been going out with a guy for 8 months. I appreciate that men look at other girls (they wouldn’t be men if they didn’t), but the comments about other girls affects my self-esteem. I don’t have a problem with men looking at girls, but lets just say I feel my boyfriend’s ‘mask’ has slipped and I feel myself thinking ‘here we go again’. We had been out drinking the other night and bumped into another couple we know on the way home and went to their place for a few drinks. The lady commented on how awful the girls looked at this place they had just been to because they had very few clothes on. Anyway, after she had gone to bed, my boyfriend and her partner were chatting and my boyfriend was saying he didn’t have a problem looking at girls with few clothes on and acting all laddish. I honestly thought my boyfriend was above all that laddish behaviour. Several times my boyfriend has stared at girls to the point where I may just as well not be there. On one occasion my boyfriend spent all evening staring at my boss’ daughter who had only just turned 16, she might just as well have had no clothes on at all for the little she was wearing and was acting a lot older than she was and finding reasons to bend over in front of my boyfriend all the time. It was totally gross. I felt like shouting at the pair of them, but felt I had to endure it because this was my boss’ daughter. On another occasion, he even craned his neck around me so he could get a better view of a girl. Afterwards, I thought to myself I should have said to him ‘Shall I move out the way dear so you can get a better view?’ (lol). I wouldn’t mind if any of my boyfriend’s constantly told me how fit looking I was, but my current boyfriend has only paid me one compliment in the whole 8 months we have been together. Other men have told me how fit I am, but I have never had that from my partners? Are they scared to compliment me in case I get big-headed or something?It is always the same problem that affects my relationships. I wouldn’t mind if they were fleeting glances at girls, but they are long stares at them and in the case of my ex involved commentaries as well. I have always felt that my boyfriend can stare as much as he likes when I am not around but it is hurtful and disrespectful to stare at other girls and comment on them in my prescence. Am I being fair?I just feel really disappointed and to be honest I am not sure how to deal with it. My boyfriend said he had a possessive ex and my concern is that if I challenge him on how much this is affecting me he will accuse me of being possessive.I did think about reversing the behaviour to see what he thought of me staring at a man all night and then bringing the subject up but I don’t know if that would work. I tried this with an ex-boyfriend and I really enjoyed watching him squirm. He hated having the tables turned!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): I Have A Female co-worker at work who doesn't say hi to me while passing me in the halls but Stares at me when I'm not looking. 1.Why doesn't she say Hi to me? 2.Why does she stare at me when I'm Not looking?
A
female
reader, Pom +, writes (3 May 2008):
If he knows it upsets you and he continues you need to get rid of his sorry ass.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): I don't think this is a huge area of concern. Obviously the comments about other girls have to stop around you. It also sounds like the staring is a little out of control. But this behavior probably reflects more on his previous relationship than his one with you. After a possessive relationship he might not have any real idea on proper behavior. Let him know he has to tone down what he's doing. After that set an example with your own behavior. Flirt with boys but don't go overboard. Show him how to be fun, flirty AND respectful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): This is the truth, I'm a 10 by my face, beautiful. My body brings me down to a 6. I guess my overall rating would be 8. I said all that to say this, men do this when you're beautiful and attractive to them but you're not a 10. These men don't think they could get a 10 on their own and try to content themselves with you the 8 so they instill all this insecurity in you. It's sad and pathetic but it's true. It's a way to keep you in your place, "you're not a 10 they're saying,"! Now the good news, not all guys do this. One of the guys that did this to me, I really changed my personality. I started acting more outgoing and flirty and noticing men which were many who were more handsome than him. It worked perfectly drove him insane and he was like we should only notice each other and work on our relationship. Yeah?? of-course now but I got out of that relationship because I want to be sweet and kind, a bit soft spoken I'm not the type to notice or talk to guys so I didn't want to pretend.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Thats wrong! Tell him how you feel!!! My BF looks at other women ... and I look at other women and men as well.. .we all check out other people .. but haveing comments about them its WRONG! He is disrespectfull to you .. dont let this happen again!!!!!!!!! You can do better than that girl!
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (19 February 2008):
 I guess we all have a type we are attracted to, it seems you are attracted to the types who feel it is okay to stare at other girls in front of you!I think you are being fair, it seems your boyfriend is pretty immature (at least in that aspect of his personality) and you should say something. There is a difference between being possessive and expecting someone to show you a little respect!You want to feel attractive and wanted by him, his constant ogling of other girls doesn't do much to make you feel that way.If he can't tone down his staring for the sake of something real then he has problems!
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