A
male
age
41-50,
*omorewill
writes:Why does a girl become so cruel to a guy who loves her?There's this girl at work that I have a crush on. She and I were very close, just as friends. But recently she found out that I had feelings for her the whole time, and now she is behaving cold towards me. It hurts so badly.I never did anything to hurt her. And I wasn't really lying to her. All the other guys flirted with her because she is gorgeous. But I didn't because I knew she had a boyfriend. Somehow she took to me. Only me. I didn't pursue her at all. In fact I chose to ignore her - firstly because I was shy, and because I knew she wasn't going to work in my office permanently, and I didn't want to get too attached to someone I wouldn't be seeing again.But she reached out to me. We were so close. But I came to know she is going to leave for a far away place soon, making my emotions raw. I wouldn't see her again after knowing her for 1 year. She found out I liked her all along. Now our conversations are so formal. She avoids me. She makes sure she ends all the conversations first, with an icy "bye" that stabs my heart every time. What did I do to deserve this?
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male
reader, nomorewill +, writes (19 April 2012):
nomorewill is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey wanna thank all you guys.And some updates on my situation. Turns out she was using me all along. Should have figured it out since she already had a BF. Guess I was blinded by her charms and subtle flirtations. I guess she was just lonely and leaned on me emotionally.I don't obsess over me now. But now I feel so pathetic at myself. I guess I am just a sucker for a pretty face. She's totally out of my league anyway.Question: how do you tell if a girl is leading you along, or just using you?
A
female
reader, michie6  +, writes (15 April 2012):
because whenever a guy likes a girl and the girl does not like the back... the girl wants to show the guy that she does not like him.. to show the guy the girl says all sorts of hurting stuff
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 Maybe it's not fair, or rational, but she MIGHT feel deceived. Obviously she is a good looking girl ,used to get attention because of superficial things as her looks and charm,... and with you, she thought you could see her as a person, and you liked her as a person, not as an object of lust or romance. She thought you liked her because she is HER, not because she is a female, and an attractive female too. She finds out this is not the case- and she might feel a bit disappointed, deceived even. That's the downside to play buddy-buddy with someone you have a crush on, instead :)-when they find out, they don't feel flattered, they feel they have been sort of duped by your misrepresentation of your true feelings.
That's a possibility, because I saw it happen other times.
The other is that... it's just your impression, or your imagination:). Now you are obviously very sensitive to every single word or glance or gesture by her , and you refer them to you.... but it may have nothing to do with you at all. Maybe she is simply going through a bad mood, or feeling less social than before because of her own personal problems ( at home, or with her bf, for instance ).
Either way, ...don't overthink it, what's the point ? This girl is not available anyway, so focusing that much energy on her is self defeating . Try distracting yourself with other thoughts and other people.
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A
male
reader, nomorewill +, writes (15 April 2012):
nomorewill is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, thanks for the replies. :-) I agree with you all. But why does she act so hostile towards me? Only me. Many other guys flirt with her but she doesn't look like she wants to kill them.
Every time I walk past her, she glares at me with these angry eyes. It is as if she is angry because I deceived her. I never deceived her. I was the one who kept trying to keep a distance from her. But I also made time for her as she always said she felt lonely not knowing anyone here.
It is going to be a torture for me since I still will see her everyday for another month. :-(
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 April 2012):
Some times you've got to be cruel to be kind. She does not want to lead you on and illude you. She does not want you to get more attached than you already are.
And frankly she can also be a tad annoyed and irritated with you. She let herself get close to you, probably JUST because you weren't tryng to flirt with her and pursue her and to compete with her boyfriend, she tought you could be friends , just friends without romantic or sexual undertones. Then she finds out this is not the case, so backing off a bit is a normal reaction.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 April 2012):
Some times you've got to be cruel to be kind. She does not want to lead you on and illude you. She does not want you to get more attached than you already are.
And frankly she can also be a tad annoyed and irritated with you. She let herself get close to you, probably JUST because you weren't tryng to flirt with her and pursue her and to compete with her boyfriend, she tought you could be friends , just friends without romantic or sexual undertones. Then she finds out this is not the case, so backing off a bit is a normal reaction.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 April 2012):
 It's not that you did something wrong, but she probably doesn't want to lead you on. And really, the only way you'll ever get over her is if you create distance. She probably knows this and wants to create that distance. I know it's hard, but in the end it's for the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): "Why does a girl become so cruel to a guy who loves her?"
She's not being cruel, she's being honest by not leading you on now that she's aware you have feelings for her she can never reciprocate and especially since she knows in a short time you will never see each other again.
It will be very difficult, but it would benefit both of you if you can apologize to her and wish her well so you can part on friendly terms, believe it would make you feel a lot better over the coming months after she's gone.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 April 2012):
 She thought you were her FRIEND. I'm guessing she thought it would be best NOT to be friendly since you have feelings that she can not reciprocate.
Leave her be.
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