A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why are some women so stupid?Not trying to be sexist, trust me, this is why I said SOME women. Let me define, specifically women that will remain trapped in an abusive relationship, not only once, but then walk right back into it thinking it's be better this time around.We had a friend who was in this relationship for years and left him many times. Well like two years ago she left him. She hadn't before because she was afraid he would kill her, as he had threatened her as such.Anyhow, she starts dating again, meets 3 guys over 2 years, all of which end up being deadbeats, all though none of them were physically abusive, none of them showed her much attention past the first date.So here's the kick, she got so discouraged by the dating scene, she ran back to her original BF and not only started dating him again, but married him! She announced her marriage on Facebook a day after Christmas.She then announces they are going to Florida to celebrate. ok....We all know what is coming right?You guessed it.....the Facebook post saying that the Vacation went to hell, she is returning home!I guess he beat her up and then when she went to another room (they were stayin with other friends and had several rooms reserved) he was banging on the door to give him his wife back. They called the police who came and escorted her to get her stuff.He taunted her in a foreign language. telling her he was going to kill her, which she translated to the police. He told the police she was lying that he simply said he loved her and why was she doing this?Anyhow, they filed a domestic violence report and she left immediately. She is getting a restraining order and changing the locks on her apartment.This isn't the first time their relationship has gone wrong, but it is the worst. It's not the first time it's been physical, but she always returns to him.This was actually an joke before as we all were joking that what a joke it was to bring a wedding present, knowing that their marriage would be a disaster.But why do these abused women run back to their abuser?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Abuse victims have very low self esteem because of the abuse they have suffered.
They may leave but then run out of energy and strength and confidence to maintain being alone and starting life over so they would rather return to the only relationship they have (the abusive one) than to struggle with being alone.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (4 January 2011):
 Women run back to their abusers because of old, old instincts driving them to try to secure the protection and genes of strong, aggressive, dominant males. Their offspring will be more likely to be successful that way, at least in the ancestral environment. Our instincts are adapted to the cave life, not to the modern one.
All women have this instinct. In most of them, it just creates the normal (if frustrating) attraction to bad boys and jerks. In a large minority of cases, though, you get women who love their abusers, even as they hate being abused. The conflict between those feelings makes them feel worthless, and they throw away years of their lives raising children for abusers before they come to their senses.
I'm pretty convinced that a substantial portion of the abusive guys out there would be normal, healthy adults if their behavior wasn't consistently rewarded with sex.
So, it's not so much stupidity as a failure to use one's brain to overrule instincts and emotions. Not sure the distinction matters to you, but to me, it represents the only hope for improvement.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 It is a little presumptuous to call these women 'stupid' for returning to an abusive ex. It is after all a part of an abusive relationship, it is a physical, emotional and mental drive, a powerful delusion of improvement, progress and change. Similar to the delusional jealousy some partners may feel. Their mind finds ways to prove things will change. There is also the fact that the abuser usually inflicts doubts upon the victim, making them feel as though everything that has happened is their fault when in reality, they did absolutely nothing wrong.
You can never judge until you feel it, until you are abused. Never assume it is because of stupidity, it is so much more than that and it is not often so easy to escape it.
I hope that helps.
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