A
male
 ,
*reenman
writes:HiCan any women help? What is the real reason you want to 'stay friends' with a guy you have dumped?My g/f dumped me 3 months ago after a few arguments but wants to stay friends. I have asked her to get back but she said no, so she doesn't want me back? We live in different countries so we can't even go out together, just talk on the phone. I can't be a back up plan either because we live so far away and i don't think she's letting me down lightly because we are already finishedWhen we talk I can make her laugh more than ever. Please , if any ladies can shed any light on this friends thing?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): She may keep talking to you seeking the heavy emotional support you used to be for her. It would be nice if you can stay on good terms with her, but don't hurt yourself in the process if it's too painful. You have a right to cut things off if you need to. And don't start being her everyday confidant too much. If she has moved on and is dating other guys but she still NEEDS you for this, then she's probably dating other guys who won't give it to her. That basically means she's picking guys who are willing to sleep with her but not do all the emotional work a real partner does. Don't help her do this by fulfilling the duties she's not demanding from them.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 You are like being the car's spare tire.
If her new tires get bald or punctured, you maybe her answer.
It is one of those options when you are just friends and can be upgraded when she wants it.
Sometimes , you may never know ,a friend can come in handy
A friend is better than an enemy.
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A
female
reader, Rolly +, writes (4 June 2008):
I didn't want to remain friends with my ex. He hurt me deeply. Don't tar women with the same brush - we are not all the same. ;)
But I suppose in your case ... you live in different countries, and you said yourself - far away. Maybe she thinks it'd be difficult to remain in a deep relationship with the distance, but still wants you in her life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I think she probably has found someone else,when i want to let a guy down gently i always say let's be friends because by being friends will ease her conscience.I could be wrong but i really do think that is the case.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I totally agree with Eyeswideopen. I remained friends with my ex wife for about a year after she left me. Actually, a bit more than friends on a few occasions. I would have also liked to have had a continuing friendship with one of my ex girlfriends after we broke up, but she would have had no interest in that. We didn't break up badly, but she probably just wanted to forget about me. I still talked to another woman who I dated breifly after we stopped datimg. Neither one of us was looking for a serious relationship, so that is probably the reason that we still talked. It depends on the feelings of both parties toward the other person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I'm guessing for the same reasons that men feed women the very same line.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Sometimes a guy is close to being Mr. Right but no cigar. But the attraction is still there on many levels just not sexual so the relationship just has to be downgraded to friendship. However it takes two to make a friendship so if you don't feel comfortable about it then go your separate ways.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Hiya
Hopefully she told you the honest truth as to why she wanted it over in the first place, but to want to remain as friends just suggests that she doesn't want a intimate relationship with you. If you want to be with someone (long term/ marriage etc.) you wouldn't end it with them and still want 2 just remain as friends. You both need to talk enspecially if its bothering you. Ask her if she has thought about it properly and how you feel about it?.
Maybe she has found someone else, dont mean to be so direct and sound rude but you shouldn't worry about it - meet someone local.
Just tell her how you feel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I am sorry, but i cannot answer this one either. i wouldnt want to spit on my exs if they caught fire, so talking is out of the question. But my friend is still friends with her ex and they even go out for a drink from time to time. Once they push you away, who the hell want to be friends with them, not me. Sorry, if this isnt the answer you wanted to hear. Maybe other aunts on her can explain it, and then i can see why as well. Remember you only go down the path, that you want to go down. So if you dont want to be friends, then dont. If you do, but dont want to take things further, then dont. It is your life, so you call the shots.
take care
xx
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