A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been dating a guy from work (and keeping it on the DL) for about 2 months now, and I really like him. It's different for both of us, me especially, since he's never dated a white girl (but has dated interracially) and I've never dated a South Asian guy or ever dated interracially... Anyways it's the weirdest thing really, he reassures me when I express doubts but for some reason I just don't trust him - he's very metrosexual and into looks and fashion, but I'm not really; my point being that if he is so "into" himself, what's to stop him from thinking he deserves to cheat? What's more, I don't feel like we really connect the way I'd like to. I've tried to tell him this, to tell him I'd like to connect on a deeper level, that I would really love to talk about personal things and reciprocate feelings and stories and all of this, but he says he's never shared so deeply with someone... that it will take time for him to do this. I don't know, I fear he just isn't "deep" enough, but how could I presume to know this? Like I said, I really like him and I don't want to end things, especially when I know he likes me and I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting... I know the best way to handle this: give it some time and eventually I will know if it can work out. But my question is, how do I stop acting like a "crazy" jealous girlfriend, stop feeling so emotionally needy, and get over this depression I've begun to feel since he's been out of town??
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 I think that you are wise to question your connection with him and pay attention to your feelings. It's not wise to ingore them or sweep them under the rug. But there's certainly no harm in continuing the relationship to find out if it's going to develop into what you hope it will. Time will tell if he is deeper than he's letting on, and if you are satified with the way that the two of you interact. You are young, so you've got the time to let it develop a bit further. Have you ever considered that the difference might actually be a cultural one? You didn't say where or how he was raised. Some differences in attitude and relationships between people might be different for him compared to what your expectations are and the way that you were raised.
How to stop being crasy... You didn't elaborate about why you think your behavior is out of line, but I can tell you that I still miss my guy when he is out of town, and we've been together for 35 years. I try to keep busy and do things that I can't do when we are together, like surf the net in PJ's all day or have breakfast for dinner. I actually enjoy my alone time and look forward to it. As long as your not SO depressed that you are bursting into tears at the drop of a hat, just try to keep your mind occupied. Hope this helped, Cheer up, He'll be back!
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