| A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: Why woman always becoming so powerful,when she gets dumped,or living alone,but when they fall in love ,they lose their power? Also usually man ,even married, are very attracted to this free and powerful energy,so many times ,they live their destroyed lady for a divorcee. I see wonderful woman totally let it go,when they are in love,but some of my friends,when they broke up after long ,unhappy marriages,always full of life? Why?Going back to school,losing weight,start their own business etc. Why is that?I myself struggling in an unhappy marriage, what sucks my energy,yet I don't feel I can quit,because,I feel like after a giant storm,when you can't find your own belongings..Why leaving a man, changing a woman to an action movie character?Like there is a strange rule ,when you are mad at your husband ,you can move mountains. When you are married,even happily,you feel powerless. I even noticed,that some woman ,who stays married,but can't stand their husbands ,are more energetic,than the one ,who is trying too fix their marriage. Is this true,or do I see this wrong?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 April 2011):
Hi there. It all comes down to attitude and how you feel about yourself.
Women when they are single and not in a relationship, have their own friends, hobbies and interests. They are free and independent. That's a great thing.
What often happens once those same women meet a nice young man, is they often give up everything just to be with him. They put him at the centre of their universe. They constantly make themselves available to him, believing that they must do this. It's a huge sacrifice and it's totally unnecessary.
Big mistake.
Why it's wrong is in giving up your friends, hobbies and interests you are putting the entire responsibility for making you happy on your new man. So if he takes a step out of place and disappoints you in some way, then you get angry at him and you start to feel lost. It's a downhill slide from there.
Another thing about giving up your previous life for a new man, is sometimes there is a tendency to feel that you are doing more of the giving than he is - that's when resentment sets in. Then there starts to be a sense of imbalance and consequently, much unhappiness.
It's really important to keep your freedom and independence your whole life long. Of course, not to the point where you shut your man out, but just nicely in balance.
We all need our own personal space.
With independence, it makes for a very happy, contented life and everything runs a whole lot more smoothly. It's very empowering indeed.
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