A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My ex broke up with me over 2 months ago now, during the time from then to now - we have been in contact a lot and just basically can't seem to stay away from each other, no matter how much we say we will.We have repeated again and again to each other that we will leave each other alone, stop talking to each other and just stay away. It does get hard as we both see each other out occasionally.. however even when we're not both out or see each other for some time, we still find a way or end up contacting each other.We have both admitted to one another that we think of each other every day and miss each other, however it is hard as he ended it as he didn't want to be in a relationship at the moment as he felt there was a lot of pressure. We have tried to be friends, which we both know is quite impossible to do. We have also tried to just forget about each other, but that isn't something we seem to be able to do either.I am just stuck on how to go about this.. It is a complicated situation and has been since we split up.We have no hard feelings towards each other at all, we get on well and when we are together it feels different and we feel happy.. however when alone we are not sure what is the best idea and we can never come to a decision (more him than me, as he has said his emotions are everywhere and he doesn't know what to do).I'm just really stuck with this. We both miss each other very much however cannot seem to come to a conclusion or how to settle this. It's hard for the both of us.Any ideas on what I can do? I do believe that I don't try hard enough when trying not to contact each other as I give in.. however it is a very hard thing for me to do, and I don't think we can ignore how we think of each other and also how we miss each other.I am not sure if there is a way this can be sorted or what we can do - as right now we keep having to ignore how we feel as we can't come to a decision, but then it always comes back up and we are kind of going in circles.Any views or help would be good?
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 June 2016):
 Honeypie is on point. You should always cut contact for 3+ months after a break up, unless kids or divorce are involved (or something similar).
You're both getting comfort from this, but he's probably gradually moving on and you're clearly not. That's okay, in the sense that you're bound to still have hope while you're healing, but not letting go - however, you'll be worse off for it, if you continue like this.
For your own sake, cut contact completely for 3+ months and see how you both feel afterwards. During these 3+ months, though, you need to try to forget about him; if you hold on to hope, constantly thinking about it/him, you'll sabotage any chance of you moving on and he'll probably move on without you.
A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (27 June 2016):
Totally agree with honeypie He is getting the best of both worlds here in afraid. He doesn't have time to miss you, to see if its enough to want to get back, but enough to bring him comfort while he MOVES ON. That's what he'll be doing, bit by bit, as you help him with your contact.Meanwhile in your world, you maintain the contact in hope... Be clear- his reasons are not the same, his reasons are not about hope as your are. My opinion is that you will he left in the same place, feeling the heartache for the first time and still having to deal with it while hes moved on and isn't in that place, thanks to you.Tell him its best you go no contact. Start with a month in your mind. Tell him its for the best as he's made it clear he doesn't want you as a partner any longer, and you are going to respect this.If he wants you, you'll know about it.. But not through some crappy half hearted text of I miss you. You want to see action! Not his emotion of sticking to his decision - its not for you to help him through his feelings for dumping you! If hw wants you, and wants to dare again then that's your decision. But for now start your healing and go no contact. Men or women who dump then allow contact to continue are selfish and only thinking of themselves, not the person they dumped. They keep them around long enough to help through their pain. If you want, you can have no contact for a month, then chuck a casual text to provoke a good memory like 'hey, just been to (wherever) and it reminded me of (nice memory) hope all is good for you'. Gives him an opportunity to engage, ut trust me on the no contact for a month - you'd be amazed how differently you'll feel
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 June 2016):
 I would cut the contact fully for at least 3-6 months and then see how you both feel. If there are the same then either resume dating or fully cut the cord.
Right now, he is still getting the "GF- experience" with you without having to commit or really work for it. You are familiar to him so it's NICE to have you around and... no one likes to be lonely.
You on the other hand, hopes that he WILL change his mind and you two will date again so the reasoning behind the contact is skewered in "his favor".
You CAN care about someone and not want to date them. And you guy can manage a friendship down the line, now is just not the time - because there are still romantic feelings lingering.
Yes, cutting the contact will mean you will miss each other, but it also means that BOTH of you will see more clearly what you want, and how to move forward with or with out the other.
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