A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi!Im 15 years old and im with a little problem. My suposedly best friend is a girl with a big breast , brunnete and beautiful thats why every guys love her. The thing is that im a little bit tired of that , when i meet a guy and we are close to make out he knows my best friend and then he doesnt care about me anymore and the most impressive thing is that it happens with all the guys i know, i have body issues like i have really really a small small , but really a small breast too small for my age , im too skinny and as i see im totally ugly anyway i dont have a good image as my best friend and as i have body issues when the guys dont care about me to go with her it is just bad , my self -esteem its always low and i spend my days crying . This is bad i mean why do they prefer her? Why am i not hot as her ? why when we see old friends they say she is diferent and hot and with me they ignore and dont say anything ? why when we go to the beach im always trying to hide myself because i know that she is the one who is going to be the "star" ? why im the one who is always in the back side ?Why i dont have her body or a better body?....There are so many questions to ask , and i dont understand anything , im confused , lost.I dont know what to do , please help me !
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): People choose her because she loves herself the way she is. Confidence is attractive.
When I was younger, my bestfriend had a straight up boyish body and many people who didn't know her told me she was plain looking when they saw her (I thought she looked great).. But I was self conscious and depressed at that age due to stuff in my past, and she was happy and confident. O had a great, curvy body (chest size on the lower side of average, definitely not big, but she literally had none. I've got an hourglass figure though.) I've got a pretty face and a great personality. I'm 5'6" (I also hated my height- I felt too tall and she was only 5'2") and weight 115lbs and I look great. I am who I am, and I would never change that. I'm not perfect, but I would never want to be. At the time, I didn't think that way.
Every guy who liked me or got close to me immediately liked her more and left me for her. But now that I have confidence, a lot has reversed. I get a lot of male attention, and have caught the eye of most of her male interests. I am very happy with who I am with though, as my fiance found me first before I even had any confidence.
So yeah. Develop some confidence. No man is attracted to girls who hate the way they are or look. That's probably a huge pet peeve, actually. And yes, they notice.
You're friend might not be prettier. I always thought my best friend was prettier, and it turns out everyone is telling me I was.. And as I look back now, they were right. But she still got all the male attention. Why was that? Because of me and my lack of confidence.
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (2 September 2010):
Don't ask why questions about things you cannot change. That would be me asking "why haven't I won the 14 million dollar lottery yet? It's not fair damnit!" See how useless that is?Look, life isn't fair. I know what you're going through as when I was your age, I was the most unpopular girl at school. Guys and gals shunned me and I was told I was ugly all the time. I know what it's like. So what to do? Some suggestions:1. Don't take your anger and resentment out on your friend. She can't help she's prettier. Also, it's not as nice as you think having guys hunting you because you have big boobs. Her personality will be overlooked most of the time. So realize the downsides of the attention she's getting. 2. Accept what you have and work it. Look for the good things about you and make them stand out. Got striking eyes? Draw attention to them with some makeup. Got a flat stomach? Get low pants and a short shirt to show it off. Got strong arms? Wear a tanktop. Got tight legs? Wear hugging jeans. The list goes on. Look at famous fashion models. Most of them are flat and skinny, but because they know how to make it work for them, people don't see it as a bad thing. 3. Work on your posture. Maybe take some dance classes. They will teach you how to move confidently and gracefully and this makes all the difference in how you come across, believe me. Also you will tone your body so you will look more streamlined. 4. At your age, EVERYTHING can still change. I looked like a mosquito when I was 15. At 18 I started getting boobs, but not a day earlier. So don't lose hope. Your body is changing and trying to find a balance. Girls with your friend's bodytype often find it hard to control their weight later in life and their big chest often puts stress on their backs. So don't brand her as being blessed and yourself as being cursed because the world isn't that black and white. Besides, the androgynous look is IN right now. 5. Don't sulk, sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. There are many people who are worse off than you. Try to remember that and find pleasure in life. It will make you more attractive to other people as well, because noone likes a depressed person. So hang in there!Hope this helps and I'm here if you want to talk.
...............................
A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (2 September 2010):
 I had a situation like this with my friend last year, every guy we met liked her. She's skinnier than me, blond and very pretty. I know how you're feeling but guess what, I woke up one day and realized that I had to stop comparing myself to her because it was bringing me down. It showed too and guys were turned off by my jealousy and self esteem issues. You might not think people notice that stuff, oh but they do.
its all about confidence. When I realized that I was jealous of my best friend, I changed my behavior, because I loved my best friend, she was and still is truly awesome. Once I dumped my jealousy and confronted my insecurities I SLOWLY became more confident and proud of myself. I stress on 'slowly' because confidence can't happen overnight.
Love who you are, when you get dressed in the morning pick out clothes that tell your beautiful personality and fit your body structure. Do what you can do make you feel better about yourself, that clothes thing helped me along with working out (because then I'd respect myself more because I was working on being healthy and after working out I felt in shape and well, pretty). I also am still working on not being a people pleaser, because that screams insecurity and not confidence.
warning: don't be fake confident, let time slowly turn you into a real confident lovely lady. Mainly, love your friend and love yourself. Stop comparing and know this: THE GUYS THAT BLOW YOU OFF FOR HER AREN'T THE GUYS YOU WANT TO DATE, DO YOU WANT A GUY THAT ONLY GOES OFF LOOKS ALONE ANYHOW?
I have another question concerning you and your friend, when these guys go for her after you what does your friend do? Does she let them have her even though she knows how you feel? or does she stand up for you when this happens?
Also, in the name of confidence don't:
1. fish for compliments
2. be too hard on yourself, like putting yourself down
DO:
1. laugh at yourself when you do a dumb/silly thing, if you can laugh at your mistakes then funnily enough it comes off as confidence
2. don't cling to any one guy, not saying be a slut, just saying don't be clingy, act somewhat aloof because guys usually want what they can't have. I say usually, because some guys aren't all like that.
those are just a few tips. They worked for me and I was in your situation, or well, similar. Focus on you and who you want to be, you are very young so you have a lot of time to mold your image and how you want guys to see you, and how you want people to see you.
Good luck!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): i know what you mean. and i went thru the same thing. i always thought i wasnt good enough either but after a while i just thought to my self..why would i sit here and cry over MY body i mean god gave this to me so i should use it to the fullest exstent. and even though your friend might be prettier then you ,you should just try to be the best you can be i mean not every one is perfect.
and it really sucks that all the guys like her more then you but it doesnt mean you cant try to get some guys but just dont let somthing so litte efect your whole life i mean just because she may be pretty not all guys love big boobs. i mean some guys like the more akward people like the not so perfect people. and some day you will find your prince charming(:
good luck(:
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): Males tend to see the physical aspect of a female first and foremost, and in their brains they are attracted to females who have larger breast because biologically they believe that said female is fertile for mating (our natural human function). It's not very romantic, but scientifically, that's just how it is. However that's just limited to sex -- what we're talking about is something much bigger, which is: love.And love is blind.I understand that you're frustrated boys go for your friend and not you, however that's THEIR problem and not yours. Looks are subjective, meaning there is not a "right" or "wrong" way to look. The ONLY SINGLE PERSON that should approve of the way YOU look is YOU.Brown hair and large breast are not the only beautiful thing in this world. There is beauty in every corner of this earth as long as you look for it. Instead of focusing on what you "don't" have focus on what you DO have and remember that it could always be so much worse. Play up your favorite features and learn to accept yourself because listen honey you're going to have to be with yourself for the rest of your life and that's a long time to be with someone!My self-esteem is not 100% solid because there are things that I do not like about myself too (I am 20 years old too!) so learning to love yourself takes time. However I've slowly learned to accept and embrace myself by realizing there's nothing "wrong" with me. There's nothing wrong with big boobs, there's nothing wrong with small boobs, there's nothing wrong with big lips, there's nothing wrong with small lips, etc. etc. etc.Before anyone can get to love you YOU'RE going to have to learn to love yourself FIRST. Lack of confidence and poor self esteem are not attractive traits for anyone to have! Did you know my current boyfriend is not exactly a hunk, but because he is so confident and comfortable with himself he has had so many girls after him?!If boys get to know you then go for you're friend then that means that never liked YOU at all. They just care about appearances. And why would you want to be with someone like that??????!! I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to be with a guy who liked me for my BOOBS instead of my heart/soul/mind.Remember that LOOKS FADE. Boobs sag, skin becomes wrinkly, hair become white and thin...... so life is TOO SHORT to worry about physical appearances! Love what you got and enjoy your youth.BOTTOM LINE....It sounds like you don't think you're good enough, but the truth is you don't need to change, THEY DO. Because guess what? THEY'RE THE ONES NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!Honey love yourself for what you got and learn to tell these idiot boys to screw off. I know it's hard now because you're young, and all guys that age are so IMMATURE, but YOU WILL meet some awesome guys sooner or later.... that's just how life is. Like I said I'm 20 so I know, been there and done that.It gets better.As you get older you love yourself more and more every year.I just wish someone told me this when I was your age. :)Anyway, some of the most BEAUTIFUL women on this earth have smaller chests. Think about it.... Keira Knightley, Natalie Portman, Audrey Hepburn, Gemma Ward, Miranda Kerr, Clemence Poesy, and the list goes on!
...............................
|
