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female
age
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*aryB
writes:What does it say for a man who professes his undying love for a woman he has just started dating. In my opinion, there is something wrong with this person if he continues to move on from one woman to another claiming he ia in love with them and wants to marry them! Is that not a sign of desperation? The person I am refering to has done this with several woman in his life and when each one of these relationships end soon after, which is usually the case he moves on to the next one and the cycle continues. Wouldn't it be easier to just date this person and save the poor woman a lot of grief which brings me to another question. Why do these woman believe that a man is seriously in love with them so soon after meeting them? Most of the time it is the woman that end the relationship but, there have been times when this man figures out she is not what he expected or she has certain flaws he can't deal with so he secretly starts looking for someone else he may have a chance with while still professing his love to the one he is still with. Then he without any remorse dumps this woman leaving the woman confused as to what just happened to her. There is usually never any closure. I hate to blame the woman for being so naive but, how can they honestly believe that someone loves them without really getting to know them? Is this an example of an extremely needy person on both parts? I'm really curious to know what you all think about this because It seems to me to go on more often than we would like to believe it does.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): This happened to me. It was my first real relationship. Maybe that's why I didn't know better. Even though I saw a lot of bad relationship my friends have been through, and I thought I was smart for learning through them.... Not only that, but I had dated a lot of guys, and though nothing serious came of these dates, I thought I knew enough of what I wanted to know whether a guy was right for me. With this guy, I liked him from the start. As we got to know each other, we had so much in common, that I thought maybe this was one of those times that things just fall into place, and it was one of those rare times that two people CAN find each other so easily and be with one another for the long haul. It probably is that I was too naive. Again, it was my first real relationship. Within the first month, he told me he loved me, he told me he could see himself married to me. And I trusted him, so I believed he was telling me the truth. While I didn't have the same intense feelings and needed more time to develop my love, I knew I liked him and cared for him enough to keep going with this relationship. And his profession of love made me feel comfortable and safe with him enough to keep going. And by the time we had been together for a year, I loved him so much with all of my heart that I could see myself growing old with him and loving him no matter what. Of course, later on I found out he still loved his ex during these early months, and that he had only stopped seeing her same month he met me. In the first two months he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever, he was reaching out to her and trying to be there for her, telling her that he still loved her and would always love her and carry her in his heart with him forever. He was also telling other women that he was not seeing anyone else seriously. It hurt a lot. It happened recently, and we broke up recently, so I still cry when I think about it. Was I insecure, or did I really think that there was such a thing as love like this?Whatever it was, I have learned, and I don't want to be broken. I want to be healed, so I don't become what he had been to me. When we broke up, he told me that he still loved me and would always love me. And it hurt because I can't stand the idea of him doing this to the next girl. I wanted him to be strong and believe in himself so he wouldn't have to throw himself into one relationship after another, with his heart un-healed and not ready for the present. I know this is not really answering your question. I can't help but feel terrible for these people. But my heart breaks for the people who meet these type of people and have their hearts broken. I don't want to say it's insecurity. It could be something as simple as believing in someone, trusting them to hold your heart because you believe you are holding theirs. Yes, I'm smarter, but I don't want to regret everything entirely or else I'll never be able to trust and love again.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (16 April 2012):
 People do not understand what love is...so many falsehoods are created to provide the illusion that it is love, when it's just infatuation, or lust. Until people begin to understand who they are, they can't understand what love is and what it isn't. In a way, it's a form of self deception. But in a way it holds truth. It's natural for human beings to desire to be loved and to love, and in a way their intentions are good, but the reality doesn't fit within their desire.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 April 2012):
 It's probably happened to most people at some point. I think everyone just suffers from an everyone but me syndrome. We always thinks we're so different from everyone around us, but really we're just not. I think there's some ego boosting involved, that we could be THAT wonderful and special that we could pull them out of their bad habits. There are also the people who have low self-esteem and think they can't do better. Also some people just really want to be in a relationship and would rather be in a bad relationship than be single.
I was only involved once in a similar thing. Arguably the (conventionally) best looking man at my college wanted to date me (Calvin Klein model abs and arms, tall, bright green eyes, perfect smile, etc...). He had cheated on all of his previous girlfriends and treated them like dirt, but I wanted to believe I was special and really enjoyed going out with someone who drew so many stares. Luckily for me he couldn't tolerate me having activities outside dating him so we broke up, but it was heartbreaking none the less to realize I wasn't actually different/special.
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reader, mystiquek +, writes (15 April 2012):
 I think it comes down to people wanting so desperately to be in love, to be in a relationship that they hold on to a dream, a fantasy..something that keeps them going, even though things are very unrealistic. As Cerberus says, its EVERYWHERE on DC. My ex husband is a perfect example...he is not a catch by any means, but somehow he has gotten 5 (soon to be 6 women to marry him all in a matter of months..usually weeks!) These women don't care that he has 3 children by 3 different women, that he doesn't pay his child support, that he has cheated on every one of his wives/girlfriends... that he has a horrible temper and will hit a woman if he gets angry enough...unbelieveable! And no, I am not the least bit jealous..I was married to him only 2 years, 30 years ago. I was his first wife and was only 19..so I put it down to being young and a bad mistake. But now him and I are both 50 and his track record is awful and he STILL can get these women to marry him!!!I just shake my head in wonder..how women can be sooooo gullible. People see what they want, hear what they want...not even trying to deal with reality. Sad, very sad.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): "I hate to blame the woman for being so naive but, how can they honestly believe that someone loves them without really getting to know them? Is this an example of an extremely needy person on both parts?"
I suspect in most cases it's a calculating male willfully and maliciously taking advantage of a lonely, desperate, needy female with long-standing unresolved issues for which she's seeking an instant magical solution so she can immediately forget all her problems and live happily ever after.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): Yeah Mary there are a lot of naive people, men and women, in the world.
Check the dating section of this site sure and look at the range of questions, I mean you can probably answer them without reading the question itself. http://www.dearcupid.org/category/dating
"How do you flirt with a text junkie?" By text.
"Should I try to date my 4th cousin again when we are older?" No if it didn't work the first time it never will.
"What kind of person breaks up with someone twice? Do I stay or go?" What kind of person would go back to a person who has dumped them twice.
"My cheap boyfriend tries to make me feel guilty to pay for our meals out!" So what? If you don't like it, pay for your own and walk out of the restaurant.
"Should I hold on to a small hope that her new relationship will not work out or just completely move on?" Option B, move on.
"All his text said was nite nite sweet dreams. Why didn't he comment on our day?" Why are asking us? Ask him.
"I usually have high standards, so why am I into this average looking girl?" Perhaps you're normal like the rest of us, or perhaps you're only average yourself.
I could go on Mary but if you spend just an hour reading all the questions in detail on the homepage you seriously think to yourself "what the hell is wrong with people?" The answer is pretty much always that people would rather bow to their emotions and live in a fantasy world of hope than actually do what's necessary to do right thing, to do the thing that will bring about the best result or toface the reality of their situation. The truth is both you and I have experienced this too. No one's perfect and while it's easy to say from the outsidethose kind of emotions can be very overpowering and making the right choice is not always something we do regardless of whether we know it is or not.
Your friend could simply not be relationship material, I'm sure you're well aware that there isn't someone for everyone and some people just can't maintain healthy relationships and never will. We can't possibly know what's going on in the heads of these girls or him and it could very well be just a case that he's been unlucky in love and has made some bad choices along the way. Perhaps he does fall easy, perhaps they do too and perhaps being single at their age makes the desperation factor quite high.
Cheating, abuse, crushes, on/off relationships, friends with benefits, poor communication, incompatibility, used, unfulfilled sex-life, the list goes on. All of this stuff is extremely common and people still stay in relationships that contain all these things and it all comes down to one simple reason. They want to. That's it. At the end of the day people are willing to put with anything just to chase the dream that love conquers all and things can change.
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