A
male
age
30-35,
*nonymousboi
writes:quick question to everyone of all ages i want to know why all the mr nice/good guys always get stuffed up by the girl in the relationship? ive been reading a lot on this site theres quite a lot and from my own experience . i know im not perfect but im consistent but heres my story i think im at least 85 % perfect i love my ex alot and she know i love her , cares willing to do what ever for her . were not perfect we have some difference but i am willing to learn them and adapt to it . but the point is she broke up with me because she thought we didn't connect very well anymore and that i was too good for her as i don't deserve someone who will pull me down . i know she pulls me down sometimes but hey why am i here? to help you to guide you to build this relationship , to grow and learn together to be honest we don't all like what our partners do there always somethings that annoys us is that true ?? . during our time i stopped her form smoking not just for me but for her own health . i accomplished something i was there to push her to do things because she wouldn't do it if i wasn't there for example she had to go to the dentist making 3-4 appointments in 2-3 months and she still haven't gone until i have taken her . i feel like im here to help her ,guide her . but anyway she broke up with me after an argument and im shocked and guttered . after everything ive done commitment love it just all went away . i wanted her back but she didn't want to give me a chance, she said we will never change .i do think it is worth it getting her back shes a nice girl good looking she just young 18 and very confused .shes always told me i was the one that she needed in life . she loved me alot i can see myself with you for my whole life having kids and stuff . i can see it happening shes even talked about when we get married this and that . then all of a sudden when she cut me off she didn't love me anymore. whats the go with that?? and doesn't what to get back or even give me a chance to prove ourselves . when a girl says she loves u alot and what to be with you forever it means alot to me . how could she be so cold and selfish? i want her back but i think im losing the game ... please i need alot of responses please help . thanks for your time
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female
reader, danceluvr411  +, writes (11 June 2010):
 as a girl reading this, i completely know where you are coming from. and i agree with what the guy who responded saaid. if your always the one doing things, pushing her, getting her, and focusing her...and "trying" to make her better, then its just no tgoning to work. It has to be a 2 way street and both partners putting in their part to the relationship. I know exactly where you are coming from tho. My ex, which is really recent, we broke up like a week ago was the same way..but on the other side. i was always helping him, always trying to get him to do things, always trying to make him better, and it just didnt work. eventually it got tirting, and was holding me back..and it sounds kinda the same as for you. i kno wyou love her, and yah i know how it goes..i loved him. truely. but Not one person can try and make things work and the relationship run, it HAS to be both ways. BOTH people have to be willing to put in the work!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): You're not compatible with her if you feel you need to guide her or change her.
It's not about being the nice guy, there's nothing wrong with being nice up to a point. Trying to guide and live someones life for them is something a brother or mother does and they can be annoying and naggy, and theres nothing sexy about a family member.
I think your attitude is a bit off, "I'm 85% perfect, I've helped her, I'm the nice guy, I'm consistent, after everything I've done" "She's young, confused, needs me, brings me down"
Do you see a pattern here?
I'm nowhere near perfect and neither is my girlfriend, but she's perfect for me and there's nothing I would change about her. Nothing about her annoys me, she gets confused, frustrated, sad about some things in her life and I help her through those things but never try to tell her what she feels or is doing is wrong and she needs to change.
We're equals, sharing our lives. I'm not her better trying to guide her. Nor do I nag her to do things she can do them or not on her own in her own time. She'll always get the things that effect us both done on time.
I had an ex that was like the girl you describe, always needed me to do things for her, or so I thought, so I nagged her to do things and brought her places she was too lazy to go to. There was nothing equal about our relationship, it began to take on the pattern of me worrying about her and she coming to me to sort out her life. Basically we just weren't compatible.
Relationships should be equal partnerships.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 June 2010):
You're doing the classic nice guy thing. You're talking a woman and you're 'guiding and changing' her for the better. A woman doesn't need to be guided. She can do her own thing. But I think you're acting more like a parent than a boyfriend. So fist of all, when you come to choose another woman, choose one who doesn't have issues that need be solved. Choose one that doesn't 'need' you, but 'wants' you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): Well if she's anything like me, she wants a man she can share with, not be guided by. When I am with a guy who obviously wants to guide and teach me, I feel like he wants to change me and so doesn't love me for who I am, or even truly see and understand me for who I am. I lose attraction for a man who wants to guide me as you do her, no matter how good your intentions are. It makes things feel more like a parent-child relationship than one between two equals. You sound like you put yourself above her (by saying things like 'she's a nice girl, just young'. I would say that is what you have to work on if you want her back - try to really get to know her and show her you care about all of her, not just helping her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): Not to be rude but. First off, never NEVER think you are even barly perfect. No one is if we were perfect we wouldn't be on this world. Second, never think you are better than your lover. (Really I beleive that no one should think they are better than anyone at all, as we are all born the same way, eat the same, breath the same, ect..)
No, it is not true that there is always something that annoys us. In my relationship there is nothing that I do not like about my girlfriend.
You sound to be a good boyfriend for her, as you have helped her alot and all. Wait one second though, where is the part of where she has helped you, or done things for you?
For some people there is a point of doing too much for the other person. Mabie your better than her attitude made her feel insecure around you? Mabie it was you thinking your 85% perfect? Mabie you spoiled her too much?
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A
female
reader, cry +, writes (8 June 2010):
 well give her the space she needs, let her have some other expierences , if its ment to be then by golley it will be. patiences. be your self. be perfect. be in love. be you. you guys are so young. just waite shell come back, and if not, there better fish in the sea who would love to kiss the ground you walk on . goodluck keep your head up.cry
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