A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need advice, why do some people take so long to respond to your contact efforts?surely it becomes rude at some point? obviously there is something wrong or they no longer wish to see you..or be in contact, it happens, we lose fships..sorry this is long, I need to explain..I have known my long term good friend since we in grade school out whole lives virtually. She had depression 10 yrs ago brought on by a previous stressful job, and is largely over it now, she works, is happily single, has pets, and is very, very independent, she LOVES her own company, which is ok, (as long as you see people sometimes too right?) she loves alone travel going out etc etc, and...does most things alone, she has a good job, her own small house and her family live 2 hrs away. She still gets a little down, as we all do at times, she often takes a while to respond to my texts, but its always with 48 hrs, and always with a "Sorry Im lazy I forgot to reply" or similar type message, then we meet up and its all good, I know how she texts, we have known each other years. This is a friendship only.She isn't on meds, but was in the past. Sometimes she is soooo independent that she forgets to contact people.I understand we all are busy and all have work, family etc, and yes it may be a while between seeing some friends.. IE: aquaintances or occasional/less close friends, she's not on social meddia like most of my other friends.Im single, work, and live alone and I have a few other friends I see occasionally, I work successfully and Im quieter but I can socailise quite OK, I know how to talk to people, it is part of my job.She is my longest time friend, she has no other friends but me, her choice.. (and she sees her family reasonably often,) she said to me once she "wouldn't know what to say with new people" she is quieter but VERY good at her job, has won praise for it, it requires a LOT of time with people. we in the past have exchanged hello texts just to say hi/touch bas, mainly as she isn't on FB or social media, if we aren't meeting up but Ive not heard from her in ages.. I sent her 3 casual light hearted texts in the past weeks, one before halloween to wish her happy Halloween,(we always wish each other happy occasion on an occasion.) one to invite her to a movie, weeks ago, and one 2 days ago asking if she was ok and to text when she want to meet up, casual,a no stress text, I wont text or try again as she has ignored me.Im not a demanding person, I give people space and I value my own space very highly.Im a little worried that she hasnt replied to me is all.. and am a little annoyed she is too lazy or cant be bothered to even text back. Im not texting again, Ive tried to make an effort and I asked how she is.if this is the end of the friendship I don't know why.if shes sick I'll understand.. but tell me something!, text and say shes sick, or sad, and ill leave her alone, or visit, if that is what she wants.shes being selfish not texting back.has she retreated so far into her own little independent world she no longer even want one friend? I know any depression is hard, another friend had it too and I did mildly, after my own rship break up years ago, I no longer do.what to do?, Its her turn to contact me, and she doesn't like calls, and no... I cant go to her house, that is highly rude and stalker like, and she works shifts like me and I wouldnt know when she was home. I have heard nothing back, its been wks since I sent the first text. I got a little annoyed that she cant even respond to my texts (she, like many people doesn't like phone calls and prefer to text, but will call if needed)Im focusing on my other friends and my life, and if she texts she texts.. advice? no nasty answers please. please help, thankyou
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male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (2 December 2014):
I think things can change people in life and like you said she is mostly over her depression now so maybe she is just focusing on getting on in life and enjoying.
I have got a best mate since school days , and we used to see each other most nights and just text random crap in the day. But this year he has gained himself a girlfriend .
And well I have seen him 3 times in 7 months now and he is crap at replying . but I just think he is enjoying himself and getting on in life.
So it doesn't actually bother me much I have always and will always see him as the mucka
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2014): You've been friends for so many years perhaps she sees little to no urgency to respond. It is quite possible that she still has bouts with her depression from time to time, and isolates herself into her own little world. If she doesn't like phone calls, that's an unusual quirk. I think she's becoming a bit of a hermit, and values her alone time. Some people require very little contact from other people.
I agree that she is being rude. However; it's her choice whether to respond, or not. Or, when. You have the choice to discontinue the friendship at anytime you feel she has pushed it to the limit of your patience with her.
I think you've known her long enough to know how she is. If she hasn't responded for weeks? It is time for you to check on her, just in-case. If she doesn't like calls, inform her that you worry when she neglects to pay you the simple courtesy of a reply. If she doesn't want a call, promptly respond to a text and at least let you know she's okay.
Don't stiffly follow her rules, if she can't pay you simple courtesy. It is not rude or stalking to do a welfare followup on a friend who isn't responding to attempts to reach them.
Last night I called a friend and got the recording that he's taking no incoming calls? I've known him over 22 years and that has never happened. I'm going to see him after church today.
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A
male
reader, Online Counsellor +, writes (30 November 2014):
 Hi,
I think you have given this friendship a lot of thought and I must say a lot of patience. When we prioritise our friendships and they aren't reciprocated in a way which makes us feel valued, then it is usually time to focus more on the people who value us.
You have given your all and it sounds like received little in return, I always say if what you are doing isn't having the desired effect, then its time to change what we're doing.
Good luck and reach out to those who value your friendship in a way which feels good.
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