A
male
age
51-59,
*opperhead1
writes:I am a 44 yr old man, got dumped over a month ago, by my gf of 13 months. she was the love of my life. we were in-separable, did everything together, intimacy was awesome, I felt it was for her also. hours upon hours of conversation about anything and everything, did all kinds of fun stuff together, her kids loved me and me them, I was the only guy she brought around her parents and extended family since her divorce, always talked about the connection we had. the list goes on.I am a great guy we got on perfectly well. maybe I was too nice I did lots of things for her she even said she wasn't used to people doing nice things for her. she was making plans right up until the end, having me over, bought an X-mas gift for me, telling me she loved me, having me to her parents for the first time for thanks giving a week before she dumped me...then out of nowhere I am dumped. reason: spiritual disconnect, and a Void that's it that is all I got, she is a Buddhist and I supported that, but I wonder if some dude came in and swooped her away, she said she would never cheat because that is how her marriage ended and I was also cheated on before, when I asked her if there was another guy, she said " how can you say that" so I went no contact 3 weeks later I had a bad day and dropped off her gifts at her brothers porch, I immediately felt immature afterwards and wish I could have retracted it, but I left a note saying "Please see that she gets these items as I can't have reminders of a failed love staring at me every day" I have to own it now because its the past but I was hurt and not rational. I am a stand up top shelf guy, I probably wouldn't take her back if she ever came out of self respect but god do I want her to try. What happened? ex bf, new dude or was she not done playing the field yet. I know her family all loved me and probably wanted answers too. I never expected this of her. what the hell do I do I am back in no contact, she is headstrong and professional. maybe I was just too easy for her but god she was the love of my life and I felt her love also. unless I am blind
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female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (1 December 2014):
 I am sorry this happened to you. This kind of heartbreak is like experiencing a death. This happened to me over three years ago with a guy whom I thought was the love of my life. Out of the blue I was dumped. I found out later that there was someone else, but in your case I don't think there is another man involved. If it happened a week after you met her family, then I bet it had something to do with that. Maybe her family did not approve or pointed out something to her that made her realize that you guys would not be compatible spiritually. Don't doubt the love that you two shared. It was real. Don't doubt that she loves you. I think she did and probably still does. Don't blame yourself for any of this. The gift return is part of your healing process and letting go, so don't beat yourself up about that either. Give yourself time to grieve and heal. It is a massive loss to contend with. Be patient with yourself. Work through all the stages of your grief, and one day you will fall in love again. It took me a long time to move on, but I eventually met and fell in love with someone else. You will too. It's her loss, not yours.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2014): You can put your description of a blindsided-breakup in quotes. The same-thing happened to me almost two years ago.
We never quarreled, he spent rolls of cash on me, we bought each other expensive gifts, and traveled together. We spent a lot of quality time together, and taught each other a lot of things. Yet, out of nowhere...he ended it.
He told me I "deserved better." Was this just his way of softening the blow; or a cowardly cliche over-used by chickenshit dumpers? I don't really care at this point.
I found there was truth in it, once I got over him.
You can obsess over the "why?" You're better-off to work on accepting things as they are. You have little choice. People often demand an explanation hoping that brings closure. In truth, if you don't want to let go; it only leads to more questions, and your mind is never satisfied with being dumped. Your ego can't take the rejection, and being disconnected without notice. Unless you left each other bristling with hatred, you wouldn't like breaking-up.
The first thing that comes to mind was how you feel it is your fault, that you're not good enough, or they think they've found someone better. In truth, when it is over; that doesn't really matter. They've made a choice not to our liking.
If you knew it was another guy, you wouldn't feel any better. If it was for religious reasons, it will not stop you from feeling the pain of emotional-withdrawal, and the crushing blow of rejection. You simply adjust to the situation, accept the reality of the situation, and start working to let go and move on.
A breakup is tedious, confusing, heart-breaking, painful, emotionally-draining, and tortuous. The brain-chemicals of withdrawal rip your soul apart. So you must put your mind to work for the purpose of saving yourself. You have to recover. You will survive it, but the process just isn't easy. Giving-up someone you truly care for, and who cared for you, should be very tough.
The discomfort it entails should discourage people from doing it to each other randomly and arbitrarily. Yet, some people just decide it's over; and end it without giving you the benefit of a departure speech and a handshake. It is cold and sudden.
You've got to understand; if they realize the true depth of your feelings and how hard it would be for you to take it, they have practiced it for weeks or months before they do it. So she most likely had this planned for sometime. Yes, they can hide it very well, and pretend all is well. I don't know how some people can do it that way, if there was no fight or obvious reason.
The reasons no longer have much importance; because if you knew, you wouldn't feel any better. What your subconscious is demanding is the opportunity to make your plea for her not to leave you. That is what really dogs your mind. Never being given the chance to beg for her not to leave you. She wanted to avoid that. So she did it the hard and cold way.
She didn't want an emotional exchange between you. She has kids to take care of, and she really can't let herself fall apart in-front of them. Nor have a big blow-out with you.
Oh, I do know exactly how badly you feel. I give you my most profound condolences. I can relate to the feelings so well. I would have believed I'd feel that bad forever. It took a lot to get through it. To this day, I do not know why; but I've created my own closure, and decided that I am the master of my own fate.
I'll decide when I can do better, and I get to choose where to direct my feelings. I'm all the stronger for it. I came to this site to help people like you and me. Your tender heart has been broken. You are emotionally fragile, although you're a man. It's even harder not to be able to show our feelings openly. To let your emotions takeover.
Seek solace in family-love. Fill all the void with love from others who care for you. Dig deep inside to push your thoughts to more positive things and work on your own weaknesses. Start convincing your subconscious that this is not the end, but a new beginning. Someone is working their way toward you.
There are others meant to touch your life and bring you love and joy. Even when you think she was your one and only. I've met someone. He's totally divine. I never thought it would happen, but it has. I waited until my heart was in the right place. Before I was dumped, my feelings were dormant. At least they were awakened during that short connection. I got hurt, but survived it all the same. So will you!
Just work on you, do things to make yourself feel better.
The numbness and pain comes and goes. It's just a matter of time. All pain requires healing-time. Heart-break is an emotional-response to loss. It is grief, so it doesn't heal quickly. Fight for your life. You'll recover and find love again. Breakups will happen again over a lifetime. It is a part of life and love. It builds strength and character. It will ultimately lead you to someone truly meant for you.
Sometimes the best you've ever known, but not necessarily the last. You can't feel that now. You have to heal first.
Best of luck in your healing, my good man!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2014): The answer you seek is within her religion. As someone who was cheated in marriage, Buddhist non-attachment doctrine is very appealing. Perhaps view on loneliness may add to her decision to dis attach from you. I doubt that it's some other dude. Perhaps you should explore Buddhist doctrines to get a fuller answer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2014): So sorry that you have been dumped. I don't think we can know why, you know her better and if she won't tell you then you may never know the truth. Don't feel bad about the gifts, you didn't do anything wrong, she can just give them away if she doesn't want them. I don't know if it applies in this case but I have noticed people who are into religion, particularly buddhism and the "universe" etc. frequently seem to have personalities which flip very easily and this often allows them to cut people out of their lives in a flash with no warning and without too much difficulty for them at least. The truth is you really never know what people will do, it is only one in a million that you may have a truly reliable and trustworthy mate- maybe it has nothing to do with cheating and she is having an emotional crisis of some sort which caused her to end it.
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