A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:(Sorry for the long post)Even when in the beginning I have repeatedly told him to be honest with me even if it hurts. Why is it now that he refuses to tell me how he still feel towards me? He said he usually gets over a girl after a week etc. but why is he still acting weird around me? Like still avoiding me?We met at work. We got close innocently. We're both in an unhappy relationship. We both said we liked each other. I decided to slow things down until I figure out what to do with my husband. He didn't take it seriously. But suddenly, he started avoiding me too. Finally, our last real talk was with him not wanting to ruin my marriage, me wanting to try and fix my marriage, and to simply end it. I changed jobs. We had a bittersweet goodbye (smiling, joking around and reality sinking in that it's over) and we've lost contact since then. But months later, I had to visit my old job. He was there when I came in but he stepped out before we had the chance to just have a casual hello. Why???In my frustration, I messaged him on fb (were not fb friends). Told him the truth: I still miss him but I know I can't be with him and I just want to know how he feels, nothing more. I said please tell me if he doesn't care about me so I can deal with it. I just want the truth. I saw that he's read it but why hasn't he answered me back? It's been less than half a week.Why do guys avoid you? Or never want to give you a straight answer when you're asking for one? p.s. At the start, I always told him to tell me if I am misinterpreting things from him and he said no, he wouldn't be talking or spending time with me if he didn't enjoy being with me. Yet now...what does these avoidance all mean? I've separated from my husband and thinking of divorce but I don't want to pursue ANY relationship if I do because of what I've been through w/ my husband.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 May 2015):
 If'n I were going to write a novel about an affair that was never to be.... I would start it like this: "We met at work. We got close innocently. We're both in an unhappy relationship. We both said we liked each other....."
Your's (and this guy's) "sort of" relationship has run its course. NOW, it's time for you to face up that that... and get on with your life.
Good luck..
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 May 2015):
 You want to know how he feels? Listen to his actions. they are screaming to you that YOU DO NOT MATTER TO HIM.
yes I'm being harsh but you need something to smack some sense into you.
IT'S OVER and he does not want anything to do with you.
Be like Elsa... LET IT GO.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anonymous reader, i may have been wrong to be involved with this guy emotionally but I have been honest with my husband about all of these and he was aware about how I don't want to be in this marriage any longer even before meeting this guy or the fact that I didn't want to get married to begin with but at that time I thought I was doing the "right" thing by agreeing. So please don't judge me. You dont know the whole story.
But thank you for the other points of view. I am learning to live without him in my life and that I shouldn't be scared with what would happen to my husband if I leave him because this is MY life. I've learned that you can't love someone else if you don't love who you are. I will just have to deal with the consequences of my actions.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 May 2015):
 I doubt you'll agree with me, but, IMO, basically because he does not OWE you an answer . He prefers to file you under " it seemed a good idea at the time " and he is entitled to leave it that way, whatever yu may feel about it.
I mean, it's not as if you are organizizng your birthday party and he needs to tell you if he is attending, so you can buy enough food.
You dabbled with each other when he was still in a relationship,so when he was NOT free to do it- then, for whatever reason, he backed off, and off he wants to stay without any superfluous rehashing of the past.
Even if he stil had feelings for you- maybe he does not even want to go there and talk about it, because he has decided to stay committed to his relationship. So, he may either want to stay out of temptation and harm's way, by avoiding you; or, he wants to be loyal and respectful to his partner , which he would NOT be at all just by accepting to discuss things that are history and not up for discussion.
More probably, on his side it was just a temporary infatuation that's faded by now. He knows how these things go. You would not be content with a Yes or No answer. If he says, no, I feel nothing for you now- you'd ask him , why ? what happened ? what changed ? then, you were illding me all along ?.. etc. etc... he'd never hear the end of it.
So yes, probably he is being a bit of a coward- and very pragmatical too , what's the point of a heart-to-heart once you have both agreed that it's OVER and that you both need to move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 May 2015):
Why?
It's hard to say. Maybe he DID realize that he was messing with a married woman and that is a no-no for most people. It's also a magnet for drama.
JUST because you TOLD him that you want him to be honest with you, doesn't MEAN he was going to DO that.
For whatever reason I don't think he was serious, he was having a bit of fun and when YOU seemed "too" serious he pulled back.
But... WHY waste time on this guy? Focus on your own life. Get that divorce, take some time to find yourself and get back to you. A MAN is not going to "fix" your miserable marriage or life for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2015): Sorry but you were lying and cheating on your husband and you expect full honesty from a man you were cheating with???
All that man was looking for is an affair partner, no strings attached, sounds like you come with a bit of 'baggage'. That is NOT what he was looking for.
Sorry I am being harsh but this is the reality of the situation.
Cant get over the fact you expect honesty/straight answers when you are in fact being dishonest yourself!
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