A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if any of you could tell me that if there is nothing to be jealous of (a man with children) then why do so many women and men get jealous of another's children?I have been wondering about this for a while. My boyfriend is 22 and I am 19 and he has a 3 year old daughter. I am not serious about him even though we have been together for 5 months now I almost feel like i want to run away when i hear other peoples jealous stories of the daughters running rings round their boyfriends etc.one of my friends has been in a relationship with a lad for nearly a year and she says that it stabbs her in the heart when the daughter and husband are affectionate etc.she said you never feel special with a man with kids.my boyfriend keeps dropping hints for me to meet his kid but i dont want to get too involved before i know whats in store for me. he thinks one day i will love her like he does.I spoke to my mum about it and she said its a different kind of love but if this is so why are there so many people jealous of there boyfriend/girlfriends kids? i would rather walk away then be feeling jealous all time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): All I can say is: "DON'T DO IT!"
Nothing but heartache - trust me.
Never come first
Never be as important
Feel like a 2nd class citizen for the duration of the relationship
And be frowned upon for having feelings of jealousy so can never say how u truely feel...
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (24 November 2010):
 I think the problem is that people get jealous.
They do not want to have other people (children) taking their partners attention away from them. They dont care if they are a child, a friend, an ex, a parent - they want their partner all to themselves.
I think this is particularly noticable with younger people (18-24) they are still not mature enough to accept a trusting relationship. They want the relationship with none of the baggage. Sadly this jealousy can wreck many lives, not just the relationship. We see so many questions on here from teenagers who do not feel loved, because their step parents dont really want them around.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-helped-influence-my-boyfriend-to-disown-his.html
This one is particularly shocking and heartbreaking - and just shows the extremes that young people will go to in order to get their own way. This girl has not considered the welfare of the child at all, only her own feelings. The fact she is young like you, means she will probably not be in a relationship with this man for the rest of her life. So she has ruined the life of the child by stopping him seeing his father, and probably broken her partners heart as well. And for what? She probably will have moved on in a years time. They will have to live with her actions for the rest of their lives.
People can be very selfish.
If you go into a relationship, you must do it with open eyes, and acceptance of a situation. You cannot pick and choose what parts you want. If you cannot accept everything that your partner is then you should not have a relationship with them. But people are selfish.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): Look his daughter is part of the deal, she will always be a part of his life. What happened for me was that part of my love for my ex went on loving that child too. That's how I overcame the initial difficulties I faced. I don't even really like kids but her kid was a part of her and to me it was just another part of her that I grew to love. That's that. An added bonus.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): Because people are both idiots and naturally designed that way.
Your girl friend is just selfish, she wants all the attention and all the affection. She wants to feel like the most special person in his life and can't accept that he has another person in his life that's more special.
But romantically she is the most special person in his life but for her that's not enough.
Also she's probably jealous that he has had sex and a child by a woman that wasn't her and this child is a constant reminder that she is neither the most special person in his life nor that she was his first and only love.
There is also the element of genetics. The need to propagate our genes, makes people not want to raise others children.
Why are there so many people? Because there's lots of people that can't overcome their illogical emotions. Of course it's a different love, and it's a love that you too can share. You might not be this child's mother but you can very easily form a life long bond with that kid and its father.
I dated a woman that had a kid, at the beginning it was kind of difficult, especially knowing that the father was still in the picture. But that didn't last long at all. I was dating her, not the kid and grew to love that kid as much as her, as part of the deal. It is a selfish and stupid type of jealousy to be jealous of a parents love for their child. It really is one of the most stupid things we as humans feel. Seriously if you can't see him being affectionate with his kid as him being able to give a lot of love and share that love with you then that's just stupid. If you get hurt when he's affectionate with his kid, then that doesn't make sense does it?
People love to say that we can't help how we feel but actually we can most of the time. You sound like a logical ,level headed person. Don't let your friends idiocy put bad ideas into your head.
That single mom I dated was a great relationship, the love she had for her son was a beautiful sight and when the son wasn't around that was redirected to me, even when the son was around I could feel her love for me. Her son became my little buddy too. So not only did I have her love and affection but I got a little man to play soccer with and chase around having fun. As long as you accept what it is with a straight mind and a willingness to join in, then you'll be fine. You learn a lot about a person from their child. Children pick up all the character traits of their parents, but unlike the parents kids can't hide them as well.
Instead of viewing the child as a competition for my partners affection I saw her affection towards him as a sign of the beautiful and loving person that she was.
You see being a parent changes people (well it does for those that step up to the plate) They value their loved ones more, the joy, happiness and unconditional love that a child gives to a parent has a tendency to translate into their other relationships. It's this unconditional love that insecure weirdos get jealous of, they want that and can't accept that there is someone in their partners life that gets that too and that is seriously illogical and stupid.
The fact you don't understand why people get jealous of others kids tells me that you probably don't have it in you to be that stupidly jealous. It says to me that you can see a father daughter relationship for what it is and instead of sitting there jealous, you're probably the type of person that will join in and even make an effort to bond with that child instead.
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