A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody. So 2 years ago I was diagnosed with depression and body dysmophia i also suffer from social anxiety but i started medication and got myself out to the gym and i feel great 80% of the time which is amazing for me. Anyways, my body dysmophia started from a young age, i recently had therapy and they said it stems back from sexual abuse when i was 6 and 7. I was bulloed in school for being poor, ginger and ugly then went on to abusive relationships when my ex would tear down any confidence i had. After having 3 children i suffered with post natal depression and felt at an all time low, except this time inwas with a man that didnt body shame me. I started the gym for my mental health and i spent a good 6 months losing weight and toning up. Unfortunately i also have a chronic auto immune disease so when i got sick, i missed the gym and my mental health slumped and my body dysmophia reared ots ugly head. I wemt back tp the gym 5 weeks ago after a 6 month break because i needed to be me again. Im starting to feel good about myself and i even posted a video of myself on insta showing off how my legs were starting to tone up. I was wearing a playsuit and for me to show my legs os a huge deal for me. I felt crappy that day but we had plans to go and visit my niece for her 18th so i forced myself to get out the door and realise that its in my head. Before i left i posted the video and my sister made a remark in front of everybody at the venue whilst we were all sitting together. She saod sonething along the lines of hating seeing my stories coz i love myself and vain. I said i do love myself coz it took me years to start accepting myself and she just did a laugh. I felt utterly humiliated but i wasnt bringing it up because i wouldnt want her thinking she got to me.. But now its been in my head ever since... Im trying so hard to love who i am. Why do people who know your struggles try and tear u down? Ive had a tough life you wouldn't believe but i still keep going. Its really bothering me but im netween minds of telling jer how i feel and have her make a joke out of it and me feel worse, or say nothing at all? Any advice?
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confidence, ginger, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2019): Because unfortunately that's what people often do, yes even family. The green eyed monster, sibling rivalry, call it what you like, it's life. Stay believing in yourself and understand you don't need votes off anyone, either way.
By the way, red hair is gorgeous.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (28 April 2019):
 It sounds like you’ve come a long way and you should be proud of yourself. Don’t let people get into your head, I know it’s easy for a stranger on the internet to say that but it’s really not worth it and their opinion is irrelevant. All that matters is what you think about your life! You’re living it for yourself and no one else so don’t try to please anyone else. Look after your family, your kids and partner are the most important things to you so just focus on them.
As for your sister, maybe she’s insecure also so has to bring you down to make herself feel better. She sees that your confidence is growing and she doesn’t like it so she’s trying to peg you down. It’s really pathetic and not something you’d expect for your own family but it does happen.
Get your chin up, keep smashing the gym and building that confidence. Concentrate on your family and make the best choices for your own life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 April 2019):
 Good for you for KNOWING what help you (working out) that is really a MAJOR point.
As for your sister. She was being a twat. Accept that and then block her. Easy peasy.
Well, the thing is when you POST (anything) online you EXPOSE yourself to other people and their judgement and opinions. BOTH you really don't NEED to feel good. Not really.
So my advice IF you DO NOT want negativity or criticism of your body maybe DON'T post it online? Because people are not just NICE out there. Some FEEL it's THEIR right to tear you down because you POSTED it publicly.
Maybe your sister have her own struggles with HER body too. And seeing you being HAPPY that YOU are moving forward in your fitness made her jealous or angry (because SHE isn't doing this). So it could be an ABSOLUTELY petty reason.
You can't CONTROL what other people think, feel, say or do. ONLY how you react to them. THAT is a truth worth remembering.
Focus on the positive in life. Keep moving forward. BUT learn to also roll with the "punches" or you will only hurt your OWN progress.
You are NOT only going to get praise online. It's going to be a mixed bag of nuts.
Let it go. Her NEGATIVITY should hold you back. Like I said, ACCEPT that not everyone is going to be positive. So those who are NOT (like your sister) learn to minimize her words by ACCEPTING that she might have her own agenda of being the way she is.
BUT your main focus should be your KIDS and your welfare. Not what other people (including your sister) thinks of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2019): Unfortunately not everybody thinks before they speak but as it is your sister and i am assuming that she knows of your struggles, then its just out of nastiness.
Perhaps she is jealous of you?. Your strength and ability to pic yourself back up? Your looks? Who knows....
Maybe she herself is insecure and in classic bully style lashed out at you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2019): OP, the trick is loving and accepting yourself as you are despite anyone or anything else. The less you care about the opinion of others and the more you maintain your own confidence and self love, the better off you will be. Don't give them power over you by caring so much. People like your sister will always be jealous and competitive. Focus on YOU!
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