A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband loves looking at other women. He used to go online and ask them to send him pictures. I asked him to stop. He stopped now that we got married 8 months ago.he has posters all over his garage and playboy and looks at pictures on facebook. I know i am jealous. I know its bad. I dont even want to go to the beach because I know he will look at other women. How can I stop feeling this way? I am so sick of feeling sad and not good enough.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2019): He's a jerk. And that's the way he always will be. Are you going to take this til death do you part? Your choice. But I think you will eventually come to a breaking point. You are on your way there now. And why shouldn't you be? He makes you feel inferior rather then special. Give him a taste of his own medicine. See how he likes it!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2019): It’s not your responsibility to fix him . Get out and find a man who respects you and women in general
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 April 2019):
 Unfortunately, you married a guy who has a pretty severe addiction. He is addicted to the stimulation that sexual images induce. This addiction was so engrained that it has actually re-wired his sexual response mechanism in his brain, and like alcohol or heroin or meth, he's needed more to achieve that "high" he seeks.
The problem with this is that we women fail to see the addiction for what it really is, and instead we internalize it and think well WE aren't enough, or HE is going to cheat, or he's always comparing them to us, or he needs other women in his life, when really, that's NOT the case at all.
He needs sex rehab, or treatment, and lots of counseling to try and break this cycle of needing this artificial stimulation, because no doubt it's affecting your love life with him, correct? Is he having ED problems when it comes time to just have sex with you?? Is he consuming a lot of porn or hiding his phone or things of that nature? Yeah, that's like alcoholics hiding their vodka in their Coca-Cola cans or lying about only having a glass of wine when really it's a bottle, and you add to that the fact that if he's trained himself physically to get off on masturbation, it's de-sensitized him to more conventional sex. When you two were dating, you hadn't seen the extent of the damage his addiction had done to him.
First off, does he WANT to change?? Were these pictures there beforehand, or did he put them up after you two married?? He may feel as trapped in his addiction as you are in the situation, so it begins with his desire to want to be free. As for you, I know it is tough not to feel jealous or take it personally, but instead of looking at it like it's competing with you (it isn't!), look at it as a serious problem that BOTH of you must confront together as a team, and he WILL slip up and relapse as he is trying to get clean, just like with drugs or food or any other addictive substance.
Take a look at the site "yourbrainonporn.com" and show it to him after you've gone through it. It doesn't judge either of you, but explains the biophysiological as well as the psychological trap he has gotten caught in, and he has been caught in it long before he met you. In fact, he may be despairing because he mistakenly believed that getting married would magically take away his cravings or re-wire his brain, but it didn't, and so he might be saying "F it! I can't get out of this" all the while you are getting more and more upset that your new husband is such an unfeeling, insensitive lecherous brute who bait-and-switched you.
The only time I would recommend dropping him and divorcing him now is if he's adamant on wanting to be who he is and "Who the hell are you to tell him what to do" and all of that. If he gets belligerent and refuses to even consider that he is addicted, then there's no hope. But if he loves you (and if he stopped looking at Facebook or tried to quit for you), then there's hope. He just may not understand or know how to get out of it, and you are focused not on helping to heal his disease, but you're jealous, it's not going to get better.
If he wants to change, BOTH of you get into counseling and make this a problem that BOTH of you join forces to overcome. I guarantee that your relationship will improve and grow by leaps and bounds, but he'll stumble from time to time. AND look at that website I just showed you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2019): This is a case where the girl-watching or bad-habits were there before the marriage; but you went through with the marriage anyway, with the intention of changing him.
Seeing that engagement-ring must have put you in a stupor; and you let all his worst habits slide.
You'll receive many empathy or sympathy responses; and they are deserved, because it's hurtful and disrespectful for your spouse to blatantly checkout other women.
Now I have to hit you with some reality. You married the guy in spite of the fact that he was always like he is. Now you're seeking advice on how to change him.
I suspect you didn't say or do anything before you married him; because you wanted to marry him so badly you figured once he's your husband he'll stop. He probably did things on the sly before; and once you're married, he figured he may as well just be himself. Well, now that you're no long the permissive-girlfriend, whats he supposed to do? He didn't develop this behavior overnight!
So many women pretend to be self-confident/flexible-girlfriends who lovingly let him do whatever he likes; and they put-up with anything and everything, until they get that ring on their finger. They bide their time until the vows are exchanged; and figure he'll magically transform from an immature-jerk into a responsible husband. That's delusional-thinking! Maybe naivete!
He's behaving like an over-sexed adolescent who asked you to marry him thinking everything would stay like it was during your courtship. That, or he figures you can't do anything about it, and you're stuck with him. He is who he is!
The odds of a horny man-boy suddenly having a growth-spurt into manhood is about 0%!!! His arrested-development is his trademark! He's the lady's-man, "the player!"
If you don't heed the red-flags you see, or enforce your deal-breakers and standards from the start. What you see before the wedding is what you get afterwards.
You were probably on your best behavior to show him how great a catch you are; and didn't put your foot down when you were his girlfriend. So why now? He didn't just turn into this guy after you got married. This is who he is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2019): It may be true that this stuff is always outbthere and one need to look at how one deals with it but as mentioned it’s all about pin up girls bare breasted women selling everything and what the cartoonish man on a romance novel if one happens to see one What I’m pointing out here is that it’s much much more difficult for women because it’s by far women’s bodies that are plastered everywhere . We are the ones constantly made to feel inadequate NOT men . This I feel is why it so easy for so many men to invalidate women’s feelings on this issue and continue to ogle and indulge in this behaviour even though they have been told by their partners how it makes them feel . They simply know they won’t have to ever be on the same boat and they have rarely experienced it . Their egos are inflated and they feel entitled It’s high time you started to let him know that being the women who her man gets his visual turns ons from is your priority in a sexual relationship and if he is going to continue filling that need in himself through other women your going to seek out a man who finds you enough to turn him on alone without the additional woman Make it clear it stops today and if he doesn’t , walk , have some solitude to regroup your own emotions and find a man who’s interested in a relationship where you are his main visual and sexual interest instead of getting excited over other women And expecting you to rub that itch for him
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 April 2019):
 To introduce an alternative view point.
No relationship exists in a vacuum. There are always other people on the beach. There will always be pin up girls and Bare chested hunks on romance novel covers. A wise and mature person doesn't invite thes into his life to the extent that your husband does. And he is at fault for that.
But you asked "How can I stop feeling this way?". so let's talk about that. First be wise enough to know that there are always other people. There will always be other people. You will be tempted. He will be tempted. You are probably ok with that.
The next part is what people have trouble with. The fact of other people and other temptations is actually good for the relationship. Without the constant competition, your relationship would become stale and monotonous. It is the competition that keeps you interested in the game.
So in conclusion the husband that is frustrating you. Who is too insensitive to cover up his porn use (or quit it) You love him and you know he loves looking at women. He picked you. Not only are you enough you are his choice, and he keeps choosing you.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (25 April 2019):
 Why would you marry someone who doesn’t respect you? Someone who makes you feel like shit? Someone who makes you feel so insecure? Where’s the logic behind it?
If he made you feel this way before marriage, why would a ring on your finger change it? You’ve asked him to stop and he hasn’t. Either put up with it or divorce him.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (25 April 2019):
 So many things are wrong here. Why did you marry him ? He already shows you he doesn't care about your feelings, he doesnt respect you as a woman or as his girlfriend/now wife, he shows you he won't change, he shows you hes a player and enjoys looking at women and I suspect he enjoys your jealousy. Why did you marry him sweetie?
When a person shows you who they are, believe them ! And run!
The mistake here is marrying such a manchild. And expecting him change. People never change, they can grow but that change is for him to undergo. He will not change . Find someone who can respect you, your feelings, your boundaries and you dont have to beg for this at all.
Break it off and move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2019): Frankly almost all men whether married or single look at other women. because men are visual creatures they get excited by looking at women especially if they are sexily dressed or nude. That is why adult media and porn industry has become such a multi million Dollar business. That is why figures of nude or semi nude women are used so extensively in most advertising publications. I advise you if he is ok and caring and loves you, then just bear it and grin.Sorry to say but your husband seems to be still young and immature, he will grow out of it.
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A
male
reader, Pepi let pew  +, writes (25 April 2019):
 The good news is he is only looking at the menu and he will be eating at home. The bad news is you feel like your not good enough for him and this makes you feel insecure. I used to look at porn when i was in a long term relationship but i allways knew it was just fake and having sex with my partner was making love and about pleasing her. I can honestly say from a males point of view that the pictures are just pictures and im sure he loves you very much. As for going to the beach all guys look at other woman and some woman look at other guys. This is just human nature. The only thing he needs to understand is this makes you insecure and he needs to tell and show you that you are the one he loves and comes home too.
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