A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im coming from my friends relationship well, her and her ex had only been broken up 1 month before he started dating another girl. This guy was always hanging with this girl for like a month and then said that "it just happened" that he had feelings for her. Now he claims she is the best thing. When they were only friends before (i know this for a fact because i've hung with them) now there dating, isnt kissing someone who was your friend kinda awkward? I think he tries to cover up that he is still in love with my friend (his ex) Now he is like obsessed with this new girl and is already saying he wants to be with her for forever, is this a joke? They've only been together 2/3 months my guess is that he will fall out of love with her quickly after the newness wears off? This is definately a rebound isnt it? And why do people who get into get so serious so early on and think this person is the one?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): it just doesnt make any sense to me why is he with another girl if his heart is with my friend? Can be really be that desperate for comfort.
The reason it doesn't make sense is this is an emotional reaction. Emotion can not be explained by logic, logic has nothing to do with it, and often because there was no thought put into it, it will fail. He chose wrong, he is feeling badly about himself, he doesn't want to admit to himself that he made a mistake breaking up, his heart belongs to him, and he has feelings for his ex and he is getting something he needs from the rebound...attention.
said that it wasn't fair to the new girl if he got back with her because the new girl hasnt done anything wrong
Does mean that as long as she doesnt do anything wrong he will never realize that he is "acting" his way through the relationship?
No what he meant is that he doesn't want to hurt the new girl, she didn't do anything wrong to break the two of them up, he wants to give their relationship a chance.
Many people have tried to tell him that he is acting out of despeartion for affection and he always denies and says he wants "to be with her" but as pinktopaz said they really dont mean it, so when do they get to the point where they realize they have no real feelings for this person and distinguish love from just wanting the nearest person?
Relationships do not have an expiration date, it takes as long as it takes. Usually when all the brain chemicals wear off from infatuation and differences start cropping up and the person realizes they chose the person for the wrong reasons or they are not like they thought they were. Rebound relationships are not about really getting to know the real people, they are about intensity and feelings, and sex.
It's a rebound because it is the first relationship he had been in since he broke up, and moving on in a month is very fast so yes it is a rebound.
I keep telling my friend she shouldnt be worried because she is just a rebound, but im wondering what can my friend do to make herself more appealing to him? They arent friends right now she told him she didnt want to be until he could be mature
It isn't a good idea to try and be friends for awhile as the emotions from the break up are too raw for both.
She shouldn't try to make herself more appealing to him.
She should forget him and his new rebound and put her focus and attention on herself and if there are anythings she wants to work on to do that for herself, not him.
The best thing to do to be appealing to her ex is to accept the break up and move on with her life and show how she is an independent person that does not need him or anyone else to be happy.
Its true theres nothing you can do to break people apart when there in the "honeymoon" stage, after this dies down should she peek in?
Yes it's true and she should not attempt to break them up, that isn't right because the new girl didn't do anything wrong and it won't earn the respect of her ex...she should step back and let them to it.
And my guess is that her ex will be calling her when the first fight comes up or when something happens that he doesnt like? Any suggestions?
Well, if that happens she should just tell him she is glad he called but she is busy and has to get off the phone.
She will not win being a "love coach" to her ex boyfriend.
She would be best just to move on and not wait for the relationship to end, it could take months and why wait for someone who may not be right for you in the first place?
Do not agree to see him until he is broken it off with her.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 January 2010):
I REALLY think that you as a friend should tell her to not bother with him. He's a jerk and why should she want to be with him ever again? The best way for any woman to look better in a guy's eyes especially when they do something like this is to act like she doesn't care and don't even bother with him, because she shouldn't anyway! She needs to move on from this guy most definitely. If he tries to get in touch with her at all, she should just ignore him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answer, it just doesnt make any sense to me why is he with another girl if his heart is with my friend? Can be really be that desperate for comfort. The thing is they met up and he kissed her and then said that it wasn't fair to the new girl if he got back with her because the new girl hasnt done anything wrong (so far).Does mean that as long as she doesnt do anything wrong he will never realize that he is "acting" his way through the relationship?Many people have tried to tell him that he is acting out of despeartion for affection and he always denies and says he wants "to be with her" but as pinktopaz said they really dont mean it, so when do they get to the point where they realize they have no real feelings for this person and distinguish love from just wanting the nearest person? Some dont call it a rebound since it was a month after they broke up, but they starting "talking" as soon as my friend and him broke up so i would call it a rebound?Anyway back to not leaving his "new girl" just because she hasnt done anything wrong, does this die out eventually because ive been looking it up and it says it takes about only 4-6 months before the newness of the person wears off and then they really start to notice the persons flaws and the more they see the more they dont like (total opposite of the beginning when they think the person is the greatest) I keep telling my friend she shouldnt be worried because she is just a rebound, but im wondering what can my friend do to make herself more appealing to him? They arent friends right now she told him she didnt want to be until he could be mature. Its true theres nothing you can do to break people apart when there in the "honeymoon" stage, after this dies down should she peek in?And my guess is that her ex will be calling her when the first fight comes up or when something happens that he doesnt like? Any suggestions?
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 January 2010):
Yes, it happens and sometimes they think they mean it, but later on they're completely wrong. My ex cheated on me with a girl and decided to stay with her since I didn't want him back, and oh, she just got him and I never did, he was deeply in love with her and never loved me, etc etc. So after knowing her for two months he asked her to marry him right before his deployment...are they engaged now? Nope. This is called being: stupid, naive, or just plain crazy. They almost always don't last and it's all an act.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): He doesn't think she is the one, he is just saying that to hurt his ex and rub it in her face.
She is the rebound, he is emotionally needy and that makes him seem so open and ready for love and commitment and nothing could be further from the truth. He is just basking in the attention of someone else who if flogging his wounded ego with admiration....she wasn't selected for the qualities she possesses, she was a warm body, and offered him what he immediately needed.
Usually these very intense from the beginning relationships die a quick and painful death. Both people have a degree of immaturity and impulsiveness and will change their minds as quickly as they "fell in love".
She will probably be the one who gets dumped because when he feels better he will be ready to move on.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 January 2010):
The first thing anyone who has been hurt will do is search blindly for someone that will care. That's the reason people often become the rebound. One partner is so desperate for affection while they get over their pain that they will take it from anyone. Yes, she is the rebound. She'll end up hurt.
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