| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Why do people lie about there sexuality? i understnad if they dont want to shout it from the roof tops but why lie? why are they ashamed of the person they like? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, JulietteElise  +, writes (1 February 2007):
 i take it from this letter that you are in this situation, where your g/f is scared of being intaminte in public with you, or of introducing you to her family as her g/f, though perhaps someone close to you is in the situation.
i really don't know why people should ever have to hide who or what they are, because i honestly belive all people should be respected based on who they are, not on petty things like ones orientation.
Overall it is just fear... fear of how society will treat them, but fear most of all of their family and friends hateing them or leaveing them. you don't mention your age, but age is a big factor in ones comfort level in comeing out to ones family, for when a person is more comfertable with their situation in life they are ussualy more comfertable with themselves, but this level of comfort might not be untill they are in their 30s. going through puberty when ones sexuality is just blooming, and going through the transition to adulthood in ones teens and 20s are times filled with insequrities where "comeing out" seems like too much to handle and too big a risk on top of everything else. Also.... many people who haven't come out yet in there late teens and 20s haven't done so, not just because of fear, but because they themselves are ashamed of how they are, or even are disgusted by it. They haven't yet accepted that thats how they are, and that theres really nothing at all wrong with it. Thus, if they do have a person they are dateing, that is a reminder about themselves. However, i don't think they are truley ashamed of their partner, they are just afraid of being "found out" before they have offically announced it. Its a sad world we live in for people who arent stright to have to make some sort of announcment about it, for what should it matter at all? but thats how things are... for now. I know my generation (those in their early 20s) and generations younger then me are far more tolerent, accpeting, and some dont see the diffrence at all for why it should matter to begin with, so i am extremly confident that weithen several generations this won't be an issue at all. Untill then.... though its very painfull, u have to decide weither to stay with a person who isnt comfertable with how they are, or to be with someone who is. If you stay, try to understand how painfull, confuseing, and frustrating, not to mention perhaps downright terrorfying, this all is for your partner. They care for you, and want to show it, but feel like they can't because the whole world is watching them, and perhaps might even harm them for it. You can encourage them to be more comfertable with their sexuality, but this is a slow procces for anyone who isn't comfertable with their own sexuality, weither stright or not. You can listen to their worries about it all, but will probably have to bite your tounge a few times too because of how silly soem things seem because you aren't afraid of them, but remember that this fear is real to the person or they wouldnt be stressing out about it all. thus, some careing conversations, and lots of understanding and love, as well as you telling them what you need.. weither its to hold your hand in public at the least or to shower you with love when noone else is areound will be the way to deal with this untill they feel ready and safe to tell others. However, depending on the views of those close to them are (parents, friends, etc), being comfertable with ones sexuality will be harder. if you decide, however, that you can't wait to be fully shown love, make sure that the person you are going to date next is really out (by how they act with you in public besides just their "word") because, as you know, it can be too long and frustrating a wait...
i hope all the world will be without any prejudice, but untill then, stay strong.... huuugggg
|
