A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:When my husband and I are out people address him only. Even today for example a guide at a gallery approached us to to speak and addressed the whole talk to husband even though he showed limited interest and I showed interest . My husband had said he had noticed this happens often that people will address conversation to him and practically ignored me. He evenSays he tries looking away at times to encourage them to make eye contact . I’ve asked him am I doing something wrong like notJoining in or poor body language but he says no. We can’t workIt out . I’ve tried reading about it and saw that people tend toIgnore people they perceive as lower status is that why ? Is it invisible women syndrome because I’m in my 40s? What on earth is going on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2019): Yes, this has happened a lot's of times for me too. I am polite and friendly and happy to listen as somebody has conversation with my partner until I am treated
like an invisible entity. So I resort to pushing my body right in to the conversation so my presence can not be totally ignored, and ask a direct question to encourage them to include me, this is the best part, when people like this still pretend that they have not heard or seen me. I Then inform them that they need to speak up louder as I can not hear them and this really gets up their snotty noses, if this fails I interrupt and ask my partner if he would like to have sex somewhere different, this goes down a treat. my partner laughs it off but the amount of people who do this both male and female is unbelievable.
Some of it's sexism and some of it's ignorance, and some of it's snobbery, and some who have their heads stuffed so far up their own arse, that they must have oxygen up there.
Example at Christmas I decorated our very old 300 year old windows with a nativity scene etc and Our local council ward declared our window as a winner ( I knew nothing about this) but a suprise gold star certificate came to the door with my partners name etched on it in gold,as the winner, no mention of me, the one who bought the decorations, the one who decided to go to the effort, the one who spent a few hours displaying it all and hand making craft items, not a sodding word, my partner was in absolute stitches because he never lifted a finger, so was I but the Irony was just????
Stand up and be counted!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2019): Thanks everyone for the answers . In terms of my husbands he’s probably equally as introverted :extroverted as me . When I’m alone people seemFine towards me and we have noticed that although womenmoccasionally do it it mainly comes from men . I guess we will never know . I’ll try someOf the tricks mentioned . It was interesting to hear that several women haveExperienced the same
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 February 2019):
 I think it is situational.
For some (like a guide giving a tour) it might be that he is trying to "act" political correct and NOT look too much at the ladies.
Others are GROWN people who are not very good in social situations with people of the opposite gender.
Others might be plain sexist. Like the mechanic when I took my car in, he actually suggested I ASK my husband if it was worth having a new heater installed... Seriously? lol So I just asked him if I also should ask my husband for permission before I went to the bathroom.... And he (I guess) realized that what he had said was inane.
Perhaps, it's your husband. He might have a VERY magnetic and/or inviting personality. So people are drawn to him rather than you.
And sometimes, maybe it's YOU (general you, not necessarily you OP). Maybe you give off a vibe where people think you want to be left alone or just not want to interact with you.
I haven't really experienced this myself. If I want to join in a conversation I do, if I don't I don't but I have never felt "snubbed" from conversations. And I'm a woman in her late 40's.
How do people interact with you when you are out and about alone?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2019): Be a Queen Bee.
Go on I know you can.
Who makes the best cakes in the world? Who loves children like they are her own? Who respects her husband faithfully even though everyone talks to him or acknowledges him and not you.
You do!
You're doing well. Hold your head high.
Queen Bee.
Go on, I know you can!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2019): I think it stems form old-school prejudices that presume that the husband is the household spokesman. Even if he clearly isn't; he is assigned the task by rude and presumptuous chauvinistic clods still living in the early 20th-century.
The "patriarchal-mentality" still thrives in modern-society and men aren't about to let it die anytime soon.
You're not doing anything wrong. They are. They're not acknowledging you. Your husband may have a more authoritative-stature and dignity that draws more attention; but you may exude a more demure or subdued countenance. He looks like he's the boss. I'm certain that's exactly how he likes it too. Don't expect him to admit that.
If he stands next to you, with his had behind your back, it presents you as equals. If he holds your hand, or you stand with arm in arm, you will be addressed as a couple. If you stand behind him, he will be presumed the one to speak to first. Even if he looks away, and you don't exude authority; they will speak to him.
It's my own opinion, and I only have anecdotal evidence to support my theory; but it seems society tends to overlook women in their 40's or older. Unless they are particularly outgoing, and very assertive. They are invisible, unless they make their presence known. If you have a petite stature compared to your husband's, it's almost certain everyone will address him first. Size demands respect. Masculinity demands respect. So learn to assert yourself, to be noticed.
When people do that, clear your throat, lock-eyes, and tilt your head to be addressed; or at least given polite acknowledgement. They will immediately check their manners.
Take on a more "queenly" air to be properly approached. Don't allow another word to be said until you are given a proper greeting first. "Good afternoon" or "good-evening madame, sir!" That should sway things a bit, my dear!
Your husband should step-back to have you politely greeted; and then assume the business at-hand. When with a lady, I usually let her step ahead of me; so she will be greeted respectfully at a restaurant, shop counter, or when being greeting at the door.
I'm bi-racial. My mother is Native Indigenous American. Darker complexions tend to bring-out impoliteness in some folk. It used to be the same for her, but she's not the shy type. It would be an abrupt "excuse me!"...and a very stern stare until the clerk, server, or whomever addressed her correctly. My dad just stood-back and smiled to himself.
He always said; "she's the boss!"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2019): Sadly I think it's just old fashioned sexism. I don't think it's your age because I'm in my 20s and I get the same thing.one time in Halfords I was buying a satnav for my car, with my cash and my boyfriend was just standing next to me while I paid, he didn't even look at the assistant, nor did he help me choose the satnav and the assistant was stood there while I was choosing it,so he would have heard me say it was for my car, yet he only interacted with my bf
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 February 2019):
 Do these rude people have anything in common? Such as age, gender etc? Would be easier to guess if they have something in common?
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