A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid,Why do people think that I am flirting? I am happily married woman. My man rocks my socks off but other women always accuse me of flirting. When did flirting become synonymous with talking or being friendly with the opposite sex? I don't even see myself as a woman when I am talking with a guy. I was a big time tomboy growing up, I had No female friends so it is just much more easier for me to talk with men than to other women. I can chat up sports,guns,motorcycles,beer,you name it! I think it might be because of the way I look. I have long blonde hair and I am very Buxom. So I think that other women get the wrong impression!?!? I even had an argument with one of my aunts that I was flirting with a waiter. I knew this waiter from high school. He was married and we were chatting up about old friends and I asked him about his kids etc. Sure he was good looking but he is and always will be a douchbag to me. My 70 YO aunt accused me of flirting and I told her I know him from high school so I thought it was o.k to engage him in conversation and it was not flirting. Here is another thing ...I don't dress sexy. only if I am going out with my husband do I do that. If I even think that the guy I am talking with starts to come on to me turn away and avoid them because that was not my intention at all. What are your thoughts cupid?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): Some people call it being "charming" or just having charisma. Nothing wrong with it and as long as your husband doesn't mind, I don't see why it's any other women's business. Some men might even take it as a positive attribute. I've definitely worked with men who would bring their charming wives to meetings or parties just to ease their social navigations and impress people.
You're socially intelligent and I would think these people are just jealous. Their loss. Sometimes, women are hyper critical of each other...perhaps my biggest lament about my gender.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): Yes, thanks everyone for your comments. Yes I try to be very aware of my body language and no I do not touch men when I am talking to them. If I see that the guy that I am chatting with starts to stare at me like a tigar for a bloody steak then I move away from them. I also try to engage their girlfriends (if they have one nearby) in convo and try and keep my eye contact with them even when I am talking to the guy so they won't feel left out. Sometimes it works sometimes they just give me the evil eye. A lot of women do not like me.
The tomboy women do and we get along very well...
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (21 July 2011):
 Hey, I can relate. I too have always been a bit of a tomboy and can often relate easier to guys than girls. I think it's something to do with living with just my dad and brother from age 14. But I too have had female friends asking if there is something going on with me and guys who I thought I was just talking to.
Don't worry about it! You know when you are flirting and when you are not. I think there is nothing wrong with chatting to other guys when you are married. You can't shut yourself off from the opposite sex, especially if you get on better with guys. It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as your husband is secure and knows you do not intend to flirt with every bloke you speak to. I'm sure your husband knows you are a bit of a tomboy and like to be "one of the guys". He would have known that when he married you. If he's happy then everyone else can keep their nose out.
Even if you do flirt unintentionally(as Cerberus considers), I'm sure we all do it occasionally without thinking about it. We all learn ways to behave around the opposite sex to get them to like us. If that is to be one of the guys and act a little flirty, then that is how you naturally behave without thinking. And so what? That doesn't mean you are consciously trying to seduce every guy, just that this is how you naturally behave when you chat to male friends. They probably know you and know it is harmless. These guys probably think of you asold friend/sister type anyway.
If your aunt or friends show concern again, reassure them that you are happy with your husband and have no intentions to flirt, so they can rest assured.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): Probably just your demeanor and how you talk to guys OP. I mean if lots of people think you do this then you must be just a natural flirt. What to you is normal conversation contains a level of affection that is very close to flirting in other peoples eyes. It's as simple as that and as long as your husband doesn't mind it then everyone else can keep their opinion to themselves and you should just say that to them OP.
It's incredibly rude of people to insinuate that kind of crap.
Look OP you can keep telling people until you're blue in the face that you're not flirting or you can just ignore them.
Have a think to yourself though OP, do you touch people a lot when you talk to them? You know put your hand on their elbow or get in really close to people. Think of how you interact with guys, thin of your body language, think of how much you laugh or smile, do you compliment them lots, do you throw in suggestive comments etc. I'm not saying you need to change anything I'm just saying to try and analyze why people would think that because if lots do then you are being flirtatious and playful.
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A
female
reader, Star xxx +, writes (21 July 2011):
 Jealousy......
Other people obviously feel threatened by you and thats the way they deal with it.
As long as you know what you are doing who cares what anyone else thinks your husband clearly does not have a problem with it.
I used to be the same all through school i hung around with lads, find it easier to talk to them they are not as bitchy and you get to talk about more than just celebrities, hair and makeup.
The only reason i am not like that now is purely because i work mainly with women.
Tou are doing nothing wrong.
Take care xx
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