A
male
age
36-40,
*onfusedguy777
writes:ok so i am here to beg for your opinions and help me work through this stuff in my own head. so here is some background for you all... i have been with 5 women in my life the 5th being my fiance. all of the other women i slept with i was in reltionships with and the shortest was 2 months. all the women before my current fiance seemed to worship my dick and love sex and would crave the orgasms i gave them. i have been with my fiance for over 3 years nowMy fiance claims to have slept with 19 men but i suspect it is more. this does not bother me as i know she is not proud of her past and because of her abusive life at home and horrible self esteem issues she sought love and affection and attention from men which more often than not just ended up being men using her for sex and a ton of others trying to get into her pants. she tells me she had never had an orgasm before she met me.our sex life in comparison to other relationships i have had is quite plain. she doesnt like new positions and when i suggested we try a using a dildo on her for fun she got very angry and thought it was vulgar. often she seems to only have sex with me simply to make me happy and just goes through the motions without actually enjoying it. at first she let me make her orgasm through oral sex almost everyday in the first few months of the relationship but now its maybe once a month. sex has also dropped from everyday to 2-4 times a week. i feel like i do not satisfy her in bed and that in turn makes me a little untrusting because other women i have been with have enjoyed sex so much while she does not seem to really enjoy it. i feel that she enjoys the closeness that sex brings between a couple but does not enjoy the actual sex .1) she has made a lot of progress from when i first met her with her self esteem and eating disorder to the point where its almost normal. however she is always in control now and never lets her hair down anymore and i feel that it is because in her past she was a little wild and that being used by men damaged her self esteem even more so my theory is she now feels that she has to be in control so she does not feel that way again? 2) her vagina is also far looser than any i have been with previously i have a penis just under 7 inches and 5.5 thick and half the time i cant feel all that much. i think this is a result of her ex bf having a 10 inch penis and hearing from her ex best friend about how crazy she used to be.. or the be brutally honest slutty,is it possible that my penis is not big enough for her to give her pleasure?3) near the start of our relationship when she was more open sexually i.e in the first couple months we watched porn together, often group scenes as she enjoyed them and had sex in public places like the park. we once had an offer of a foursome or threesome with another couple in those first few months as well who were very interested in her specifically and she started "joking" about doing it. she did this on a couple of occasions and i think it was more to test my reaction to it as i am quite opposed to the idea. now if i bring up the idea of watching porn or even when i point blank asked her if she was actually interested in group sex she got quite angry with me. is this because she secretly wants to do these things but wont because she is now so controlled and worried about losing that?4) she says she is sexually satisfied and loves sex with me but i just dont feel that to be the case. i dont want her to regress to the way she used to be because she was honestly quite promiscuous but i want her to open up more is there anyway i can help her do this?sorry about the length and the million questions in there i am just really stressing more and more about this situation and would really value you opinions. thanks all!!
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best friend, dildo, fiance, her ex, her past, my penis, oral sex, orgasm, porn, self esteem, sex life, threesome, vagina Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): This a common situation with a woman who used to be promiscuous. They associate sex with so many bad things in their early life. Then they reinvent themselves as the new "good" person who wants their man's respect. Then they can't go back to sex with any kind of fun. Sex and loving respectful relationships no longer go together in their minds.
I don't know exactly what you should do about it. Try to help her through this, go to therapy, etc. She needs to understand that sex does not have to be "bad" and she can do these things with you without you thinking less of her. Maybe someone else who has been through this can help you with some advice about that.
But IMHO the politically incorrect truth is that this is probably a losing game with her now. I doubt she will ever go back to being the sexually fun girl you remember. Maybe she would do it again in the future with some asshole but not with you. She loves you too much to be that "bad" person around you anymore. This is the shitty payoff that a good man usually gets for respecting and loving a slutty girl. Your sex life becomes nowhere near as much fun as if you just went on treating her like a piece of meat as the other guys did.
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