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Why do people cheat? It seems to lead to so much hurt

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 August 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 August 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Why do people cheat? I am a single Mother and I think I will stay single as why would I open myself up to be hurt? I only need to read posts on here to see it goes on every where, affairs, cheating hurting their partners. Why? Stay with someone and commit then go out and hurt them. Single folk, why allow it and cheat with them? Is it impossible to find someone that is your best friend and loves everything about you that getting is sex isn't the ultimate goal? I am a single mother as I got used by my friends Dad when I was 19. I have dealt with that and they issues and just focus on my daughter now. Do I now I have trust issues with men? Off course I do. I swore I would never be any man's piece of meat again, nor will I be used or disrespected by one again. So I have went on several dates and once they realise I won't sleep with them they either stop dating me or find it elsewhere. Is it so hard to find a Man that thinks hey I'd love getting to know her, I'm cool waiting?

I'm 27 btw. I'm not saying never to sex but no free, or until I know the relationship is serious.

Went into more than I intended to but I hope this reads clear and someone can give me some light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you.

View related questions: affair, best friend

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2016):

For the longest time, I was a complete idealist and believed there existed honorable men and women, who would do the right thing...because it was the right thing. I still believe this to be true, albeit I've seen more evidence to the contrary as I've grown up.

There are good people who won't cheat because to cheat or not, is a choice people make.

People with character and integrity will not cheat. It's also important to align yourself with people who share your values.

For some, cheating is not a big deal, and so not even a moral issue. People are able to compartmentalize and rationalize their actions.

The guilt goes away after some time. Most people think they can get away with it, many are selfish and there are a few who actually want to inflict hurt.

There are decent people but you won't ever know unless you put yourself out there to find out/

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2016):

Personally I believe people are not biologically programmed to be monogamous. Everyone is capable of cheating, even me probably and I have never cheated on anyone before. Being in a relationship for me is about choosing to be faithful, so I want a partner who has resolve and morals to stick with me even when things aren't great or they fancy someone else. Someone who would split with me and be honest rather than cheat.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (15 August 2016):

Aunty BimBim agony auntThe people who write into Dear Cupid are just a drop in the ocean, there are thousands upon millions of people who are in loving, monogamous relationships, who are happy and content with their lives. We only hear from the very few who have encountered difficulties in their lives, or problems.

Don't base your life's path on what you read here, for every story you read here there are umpteen dozen success stories.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (15 August 2016):

Aunty BimBim agony auntThe people who write into Dear Cupid are just a drop in the ocean, there are thousands upon millions of people who are in loving, monogamous relationships, who are happy and content with their lives. We only hear from the very few who have encountered difficulties in their lives, or problems.

Don't base your life's path on what you read here, for every story you read here there are umpteen dozen success stories.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (14 August 2016):

Honeypie agony auntNot everyone cheats.

I have never cheated and out of the 4 partners I have had in my life so far only 1 cheated. So no bad odds IMHO.

You can't go around living life being scared of getting hurt or making the presumption that ALL men will chat because someone you dated weren't a decent guy.

Some men online DEFINITELY lie about what they are looking for. They will say I'm looking for a relationship when all they really want is casual sex. BECAUSE they know saying I want casual sex will leave the pool of women MUCH smaller. They KNOW what women want to hear. And unfortunately many women chooses to IGNORE common sense and to take the time getting to know a guy and thus ends up FEELING used.

You have had some dated with men who lied to your face. Not really your fault. YOU still did the right thing in not jumping into bed with any of them.

In this day and age partners are easily replaced. However, it doesn't mean people have REALLY become disposable.

KNOW what you want in a partner. Know your standard. Know your boundaries and ACCEPT that you might HAVE to "kiss" a TON of toads to find a good guy.

That whatever way you have met men as of lately.. is not yielding the results you are hoping for, so... switch it up and try new things.

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