A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was watching a movie the other night [Swimfan] and there was a guy in the movie who really loved his girlfriend. Then a new girl moved to their school and she and the guy started talking... then they went out to eat one night, and later that night they had sex. I was like what the hell... like they barely knew each other, obviously it was just a physical thing. I was thinking, why would he cheat on his girlfriend when he loves her so much?Has anyone ever been in this position? Is it that hard to say no? Is love sometimes not enough and you just HAVE to give in to physical urges, or whatever? Whatever happened to mind over matter. Eh I guess I just feel sort of put out, like what if someone I'm with in the future ends up cheating on me like that. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Some people just cant fight the emotions and phisacl emotions they were lusting for each other but they couldnt hold it in he may have really loved his girlfriend but i dont think he loved her enough to stop u most likely wont have a man that will cheat u are probably a very pretty person so dont dought yourself ms.answer signing out
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I agree with the people who said it's a choice, because I really don't see how you can't say no, it's not impossible.
I don't disapprove of everyone who cheats because there is the OCCASIONAL scenario where I can sort of understand it happening, especially for people stuck in abusive relationships [as Cerberus_Raphael said].
Jannipeg - I don't think that only men are likely to cheat, I do feel women are just as capable.
Thanks to everyone who responded.
Oh and for the person who asked how the movie turned out, the girl who he cheated with turned out to be somewhat psychotic, and became obsessed with him and wouldn't leave him be.. and that was the main plot lol.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): So how did that movie end? With the so call love of his life or the lust of his life?
Cheating is not a 'mistake' as so many cheaters try to excuse their actions. It is deliberate and it is with the knowledge that they are hurting someone. They continue bec they can and bec they want to. It is only when they are caught do they suddenly become remorseful, cry, beg and other hypocritical actions follow.
I think when you have morals, backbone, integrity and empathy for a partners feelings do u make the hard choice not to cheat.
Cheating is a deliberate choice. Don't let anyone fool you otherwise.
LoveGirl
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 That is a common fear and quite understandable in this day and age. It is disturbing that so many people do cheat on their supposed partner. Much of it is because of the physical aspect of relationships. Men and women tend to pursue the person who looks the most sexually appealing. This is not always the case. Often there is something missing in one's relationship so they look outwards, seeking a way to fill that empty void in their hearts.
There are a flurry of reasons why some people cheat, some people would never think of themselves as the sort of person who would engage in an affair of any sort but they do anyway, what they feel afterwards might be disgust or contempt in themselves, that is what matters. Believe it or not, a small number of those reasons are actually morally acceptable. Women caught in a terrible marriage with an abusive husband for example, some of them start affairs where they find comfort, why they do not simply leave the marriage is something deeply complex. The point being, the affair is understandable because not all affairs are based on sex. The majority of affairs are uncalled for and often they are just cruel and inconsiderate.
There is no real answer to this question. The best way to avoid getting involved with someone who will cheat on you is to get to know them before moving on to more intimate things and maintain honesty throughout the relationship.
I hope that helps.
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reader, jenrock  +, writes (17 January 2011):
i understand COMPLETELY. I think its just not true love. If he truly loved the other girl, he wouldn't even be looking at the other chick. Or maybe he does love his girlfriend, but he's too selfish to give up an opportunity to get it in with a hot chick. He could of possibly just wanted to experience before completely tying down. Ever heard of the phrase " you dont know what you have until its gone"? sometimes men or even some women, are like children and a new toy. Before they get it, they want it more then anything in the world. And once they get it, they play with it for a couple days, then next thing you know its lying in the closet with the rest of his toys. guys are complicated.
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reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 You can't take a movie and then say this is what's happening to a lot of people. Movies are supposed to have a shock effect on the audience. If anything it could be that the media is trying to corrupt young minds. It's not hard to say no. That guy knew what's going to happen and he chose not to remove himself from a dangerous situation. Some people want to rebel against that "one person owns the other person" mentality.
While I don't condone cheating, I don't condemn people who cheat either. We are all wired to desire variety. Don't say that men cheat, men do this or that. Women are just as likely to cheat, if not more. There are people in alternative lifestyles although not too common or less talked about openly. Obviously that girl in the movie is supposedly to be conventional. The more you can embrace the reality that that's how humans are (think about the divorce rate and how many unhappy couples there are, how many couples stray eventually), the more power you have and the less hurt you would get if that ever happens to you. That's not to say you should lose faith in relationships. You should still strive to have a monogamous relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): I think a lot of people don't know the difference between loving and being in love. When you're in love, there is this one person that means the world to you, you eat, sleep, breathe, think only this person, you don't have eyes or thoughts for anyone else, you're like a walking robot programmed to only adore your boyfriend/gf.
Now when being in love turns to loving, it's a different feeling, you don't have that high anymore. You can get physically attracted to other people and sleep with them without even thinking of your bf/gf or without feeling guilty/or not depending on the person.
It's a phase, whenever I'm in love, I only have eyes and can only think of one person. And when that high is over, I can easily lust after someone else, still loving my bf.
So it is possible to cheat even when you do love someone.
Oh and, cheating is a choice, you can love someone, totally lust for someone else, and still CHOOSE not to cheat. So if someone cheats, it's because they actively disregarded any feelings or whatsoever of their partner and were thinking selfishly about themselves and their desires, thus totally disrespecting their partner.
When you choose to be in a relationship, you know automatically that there is a requirement to be faithfull, if someone cannot commit to that, then they should be single.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): ive been the person cheated on and i have cheated....ive been on both ends....it sucks... the true answer (in my opinon) is we are human, we make mistakes...we dont think things through it takes a strong person to know themselves and to think of other people before you act. thats the problem most of the time we go on instinct... and think after.....but then again people can cheat for a lot of reasons...being drunk and dumb....something wrong with the relationship ect ect
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