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Why do my gf's stories change over time, is she hiding more??

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 July 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 16 July 2010)
A male United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I am having issues with my GF of 10 months gradually revealing things to me that are a bit worrisome. She has gradually increased the extent of stories about her romantic and sexual past. Guys that she once said she never touched, suddenly became guys she made out with and maybe went a little further. She told me about her uncle french kissing her on several occasions when she was 12. She told me about a near rape incident in college where a member of the basketball team started raping her then just came on her bare belly. I don't mind knowing things, becuase they come up in casual, open, honest conversations. What I don't like is how they morph over time. It makes me feel like she's hiding things, which doesn't make me feel close to her. In fact, it's seriously impeding formard movement in our relationship...but only for me I think. But I wish it would stop, or that I would know everything at once so I can deal with it and move on. Is it normal for me to be worried, or am I overreacting? Why is she doing this? I'm not overly sensitive, and the times she has volunteered information, I am OK with it and never show any discomfort.

View related questions: kissing, move on, sexual past

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A female reader, Gabrielle Stoker United States +, writes (16 July 2010):

Gabrielle Stoker agony auntIt's a difficult call. Some part of it mgiht be simply that in the initial stages of your relationship she didn't feel comfortable telling you things that she later felt she could share. To some extent this is all right, but if you feel the extent of 'revelation' is getting out of hand (and the threshold for that is something you would set for yourself), then it is definitely something that should make you re-think whether you need to be in this relationship.

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A female reader, loraemoon United Kingdom +, writes (15 July 2010):

loraemoon agony auntfirst off i know how you feel when you say you wish you knew the truth in one so you could cope with it better, im in the same situation and it really does affect you and the thoughts never stop,i understand why you feel you cant be close like you want to be, i dont think your over reacting at all i think if its something she wants to share do it all at once! the stories do seem very extreme and that would bug anyone,, why did she let her uncle kiss her in such away why didnt she speak out about it, and the rape story aswell was anyone arrested for this if not then i would wonder why and why is she coming out with such things is it really the truth or is it a plea for help and attention i dont know but i think you need to sit down and talk have a serious convo about this see if you can sort this outsee if you can trust and be close

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

She has lied so much that I doubt you will ever be able to trust her even once she actually has told the truth. Your bad feelings about this are here to stay.

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