A
female
age
51-59,
*hickpea2011
writes:Dear ladies out there who's been cheated on.. I've been w/my best friend for 10 yrs. Aug 13 2010 found out he was seeing a girl last dec. Its has been 6 mos now, I am done w/the relationship.. But after 10 years I believe I deserve to know the truth, so I ask normal questions like how long? Why? Etc, well not only he kept lying, gave me 2 answers for every questions, but he's so selfish that he says he'll kill himself, yelled at me, fight over 6 mos so he can protect his image. Its so stupid, immature and evil. I don't know why, but all I want to know is the truth, don't know why is so important! Well, I guess I'll never know. But, what I am trying to say is that men that cheats are cowards, immature, selfish and evil. Don't try to get answers cause will never happen, I don't believe the things he said and done to protect his own face, dignity, pride. Its sad because its not our fault, but the least they can do is give us some respect and peace. Its embarassing, kills your self confidence, self esteem. Its hard! That piece of mind will help so much to move forward and they cannot even do that? Sometimes life is unfair, I know I don't deserve this, but I guess is part of life..
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best friend, confidence, immature, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (11 February 2011):
chickpea2011 is verified as being by the original poster of the question @ashley187 - thank you! Have a nice day & great weekend!!!
A
female
reader, ashley187 +, writes (10 February 2011):
 It feels good to get it all out doesn't it? Writing is a perfect way of therapy. Well keep on smiling; it will only get better from here. Keep your head up and be proud of yourself for not sticking around! P.S. Don't look the girl up--you may think it will make you feel better, but most likely she will say things to hurt you more. It's best to not give her the satisfaction.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (10 February 2011):
chickpea2011 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi!!!! I just want to thank each one of you that have taken the time to read my story..thank you so much for the comments, advices..today for the 1st time in 6 mos I didn't cry at all..
Funny thing? This wasn't supposed to be a question I posted? I live in Los Angeles, ca. I was exchanging text messages w/the liar, sitting in my car, it was 12am & he again made me so upset that I wanted to scream, hit something..felt so frustrated, angry. As a matter fact I was crying as posting my story.
I wasn't expecting any replies, I was just letting my anger & frustrations out & for my wonderful surprise made lots of new friends..
I have the girl phone# & I was searching on the web if I should call & find out the truth on my own? But I saw one answer & it says: Did Hillary called Monica? In 6mos that was the 1st time I laughed, for some reason it was so funny..
Anyways, thank you again! Today I didn't call, text, didn't cry, smile, feel better about myself.. Thank you!! Everyone...for the kind words..for being so understanding..
Have a wonderful day!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): Male anon, I was talking about my attitude towards someone who would cheat on me. Not cheaters in general.
I know plenty of cheaters, serial ones, one night stand ones that are really good people and really loyal trustworthy friends of mine. I've even dated girls that have cheated on their exes and we were fine.
But if someone did that to me = scum. That way I don't get caught up in all the "does she really love me" "was it a mistake" crap. They're gone and no longer my problem. It's a deal breaker for me that's that. I've watched a million people get cheated on a million times and the only ones who come out of it well are the ones that walk away and don't look back.
You know I couldn't give a crap for the psychology behind cheating, the reasons or excuses it's just a deal breaker. I don't care about why the person did it nor the complexities of the behavioural aspect of it or it's links to their mental state etc. You do it to me, you're gone, no come backs, no pity, no empathy. Just the same as I couldn't give a rats arse why someone would molest a child just that they get punished severely for it.
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A
female
reader, Tanyav777  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 Sometimes girls it is better not to know the true .... spare yourself the pain. I know guess I've been there ...... and I also wanted to know the true about why , when , how and where??? Its been 4 year now and I moved on with my life. He is still cheating and messing around. Good luck girl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): Not just men, women as well.
Some people don't know why they do these things and can never fully explain it.
Our psychology is very complex, some of us go around reacting to things that we think are happening externally and don't understand that we are reacting to internal issues.
This isn't just a load of BS.
I disagree with the poster "Cerberus", particularly on this issue below.
"I'll tell you what OP, cheaters are scum. I know people can make mistakes etc. but to me a person who would cheat on me is scum. By doing that they completely erase every single good time we ever had, everything good that they were to me vanishes that instant and all that's left is the fact they're dirty rotten scum. I bear no grudge, I don't feel sad or angry they're just like any other person who has ever tried to do me harm, gone and forgotten."
This is far from correct. Read up on affairs and infidelity, and you will find that it is far more complex than that.
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A
female
reader, ashley187 +, writes (9 February 2011):
You're right.. you do not deserve that! Don't let him hurt your self esteem. He didn't realize what he had and obviously you really love him but I think you did the right thing by walking away. And good for you! You had enough respect for yourself to leave.. that shows you are still rocking your self esteem and you should be proud of yourself. Stay strong. Noone knows why people stray.. if someone truly isn't happy; they should have enough respect to tell their partner and split ways. It is so disrespectful to do what he did to you and someone who knows how to treat you right will eventually come along. Stay stong!
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A
female
reader, lil212  +, writes (9 February 2011):
Hello! Can I just said well done to you for getting out and not falling for his cr*p! So many women (and men) stay with someone after they've cheated but in my case it never works out! I have been cheated on twice, once by the guy that I was truly in love with and the second with the moron who always tried to manipulate me! Both of them never admitted to it, I found out and wanted answers, I felt I deserved the respect after being with them so long to know the truth but hey guess what! None of them did. One brushed it off and actually made out like it was no big deal and the other actually blamed me! They clearly didn't have the respect to do it in the first place! Then they tried to act like the victims!
I broke up with them as could no longer trust them, one of which I was truly heart broken, but I cried, talked to my girls about it ... a lot!, gradually started going out and mending my heart. And when I was over them, hey ho they realised the grass actually wasn't greener and wanted to come back! You can imagine my response :-)
You don't deserve to be treated with no respect, hold your head high, he will too I bet realise the grass isn't greener but by then you'll be over it! May even with Prince Charming :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): ...and your question is?
It's not just men OP, women do it too. This is not a gender issue it happens to most people.
My question to you is, why do you expect the truth or anything good at all from a guy who did that to you?
Look 10 years is a very, very long time to be with someone, it will take a long time to get over this. But OP what he did was over and done with 6 months ago when you broke up, why are you still in contact with this idiot? An idiot that talks about suicide, a guy who cheated on you and lied to you? Do you really think that's the best way to go about this?
This is going to hurt for a while and I know you'd love to have answers but OP those answers won't lessen the pain, they won't make everything better, in fact they might open more doors to even greater pain. The closure you seek is in you OP not him, you can't trust him with your feelings anymore so why do you keep going back and giving him a chance to hurt you over and over? You did the right thing leaving him but you're not letting go of him. So instead of focusing on healing yourself and moving on, you're focusing on him and want him to make it all better by answering questions you actually don't need the answer to.
OP why does it matter how long? Why does it matter why or any of that crap? You want to know why, because he's an asshole that's why. How can someone do that to someone they love? Because human's are capable of horrible things OP and a lot of people, given the opportunity, will do these things.
"I know I don't deserve this" Wrong, you didn't deserve it, it's over OP. What he did is in the past, you're still living with the pain because you won't let go. How do you let go? You completely remove him from every aspect of your life, you get rid of everything and you never contact him again.
I'll tell you what OP, cheaters are scum. I know people can make mistakes etc. but to me a person who would cheat on me is scum. By doing that they completely erase every single good time we ever had, everything good that they were to me vanishes that instant and all that's left is the fact they're dirty rotten scum. I bear no grudge, I don't feel sad or angry they're just like any other person who has ever tried to do me harm, gone and forgotten.
So let go, because from 6 months ago up until now, it is only you that is hurting yourself by demanding answers and keeping him in your life. Please I know it's not as easy as I make it sound, it's not an instantaneous healing process at all mentally. But physically it's exceptionally easy to do all the things necessary to move on. It really is.
Just remember there is no such thing as trying. Trying is not doing and doing is the only thing that gets anything done. For now, get rid of would, should, could, try, maybe, etc and replace them with will do and done.
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