A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I believe I've fallen in a deep depression.I use to be the girl that that loved life and people.I would hug strangers and always look for the best in people. Lately life has really beaten me down.Last year my husband wanted out of our 13 year relationship.... my career took a nose dive...and when i found the strength to date again, all the guys that I had chemistry with walked after it got a little serious. But the thing was. I made it clear I didn't want a serious relationship. I guess I just wanted companionship/and a warm body to hold. My question is this. Why do men tell you lies when they don't have to? For example. The last guy. All I wanted was like a Friends w/benefit set up. We agreed on it and it was cool. Then He was the one that started talking about the future. How hooked he was on me and even suggested kids/marriage... and told me the "I love you" crap. I didn't fall for it at first, but after a while, I wanted to believe that we had strong feelings for each other.So please explain to me how and why Men can say and do all these thing to make you feel like you have something so special together, then just turn around like a light switch and show you that he never cared for you at all. It was all words. They say they "don't lie" when they do. They say they're "faithful" when they're not. Guess he wanted so bad to make me LOVE HIM... that when I finally showed him I cared (after 3 months) the chase was over. The worst part is he didn't have the decency to end it right. Okay so maybe I'm hating the world and men right now. But the truth is, my heart is so broken and I don't even know where to begin to pick up the pieces. I am so afraid of Men and feel like they are hurting machines.Will I ever be able to let someone in my heart again? Will I ever be the old happy go lucky girl I was? I feel so dead inside... and I don't trust my judgement at all. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jenni2878 +, writes (12 January 2009):
 there is this book called so your lovers a liar im reading. t has relly good stuff in it. theres also this book called the secret of attracting your soulmate. i like that too. good luck girl dont worry. u'll be that girl again! everyone has rought times whee they feel beat down,but these things help u see what you dont want for yourself and you come back stronger:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): First off, you had a couple of serious setbacks that weighed heavily on your heart and mind. So yes you could be clinically depressed and if you don't seek some medical treatment it could actually get worse. Depression does mess with your judgement and you see things in a dark way and it makes you very difficult to love and be around because you probably aren't showing a lot of love to others and they react to a depressed person, not the real you. So seek some medical attention, you can start with your primary physician who can prescribe medication and recommend a good therapist.
As far as men lying to you, I don't see anything in your post that this friends with benefits lied to you, and then when you fell for him the chase was over.
It could have been that there was a trust issue. Most men when looking for a life partner or The One, don't think of a woman who allows herself to be a friend with benefits kind of gal someone that they can trust for life to be a faithful woman....they want a woman who is truly in love with them, not the idea of a romance, but the idea of them as a person and a man.
You aren't setting yourself up for success if you present yourself as MS Casual, but then what you really wanted was a true relationship. Put the relationship first, become a friend and then a lover....let a man give to you, and then you can receive all the love he is giving to you.....trust is a two way street, don't open yourself up to hurt by allowing your body to connect with a man while keeping your heart disconnected, it doesn't really work for most women. We are hard-wired to attach and bond to a man we are sleeping with, so make sure the man you are sleeping with is someone who makes you feel safe, cherished and loved and is behaving in a committed way towards you.
A man has to be the one to ask for exclusivity and the relationship, he can't just be casually sleeping with you and you assume he should be faithful, men don't view sex and relationship and time spent with a woman the same way we do....it may mean very little to him other than he enjoys your company.....So if he is still chasing and not committing, you aren't in a REAL relationship and this happens a lot......you just have to set boundaries for yourself and if you need a commitment and he hasn't offered it, then ask for it and see what he does. If he doesn't step up to the plate, then good riddance.
Don't allow any man to change your view on men, on life or on your own value......You have the power to choose men, they have the job of giving to you to keep you.....remember that, it should not be the other way around, if it is, he isn't worth it.
...............................
A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (12 January 2009):
 Others see in us what we see in ourselves. In other words, how you think determines how you act. How you act in turn determines: how others react to you.
If you don't trust your judgment, others won't trust it. You will have someone in your heart again, but you first need to be in it.
You don't need a man, men needs you.
...............................
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