A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Couldn't sleep last night- snowy, wide-awake anxiety. Now am half-dead at work. Dismal thoughts. I can't bear it. My boyfriend of many years of togetherness now will not call himself my boyfriend, he says he loves me, and even outside observers have noted our "oneness". He is like my right hand if I were my left hand! And now he won't admit to being my boyfriend, says we're "friends" meanwhile sleeping with me, and holding me fast in the night, kissing me and doing everything but not having sexanymore. I tried yesterday to initiate some romance and it was humiliating! I think he feels ambiguous about marriage and thinks he is a bachelor! He wants to have his cake and eat it too -- my TOTAL 100% devotion and love, our emotional oneness, and then he says we're not together because we don't make love, so he is free to meet anyone else!!It's killing me. Please,please help!! Miserable Beyond Belief
View related questions:
at work, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): This is the original writer. I'm sorry if I've been obscure. It is just so painful to acknowledge that I have been so foolish.Tisha-1 is right that I need to create some distance and have a stronger emotional footing in myself. He shies away from sex now because he thinks that makes him FREE to sleep with another woman. But if the emotional bonds are still being maintained, then it is
one f---ked up scenario!!! I am not so very young myself and overworked and worried about my parents. I just can't fight this many battles! I guess I should just swallow my pride and be friends, but that is not how I feel.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): Thanks for your helpful responses. Satindesire, I should give you more info.
Yes, the first 2-3 years we had the very best sex of my life. I think partly NOW it's his age (fifties) and overwork, but also that he thinks that he may not wish to marry me, so separates that part now from us. But I think it's "whack"!!! I think maybe he is just a confirmed bachelor and wants to be less close to re=gain his freedom. But yet he doesn't seem to want to lose me. Perhaps he DOES want to
be with me in all ways, but cannot work it through in his head??? I asked him if he would see a counselor with me and he said he might....
Perhaps he really does love me in a marriage way, but just can't see it.???
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 January 2009):
 My reaction to your question is to tell you to stop sleeping with him! Stop being one half of a pseudo-couple; remove yourself from the situation. Take control of your life back. You're letting him decide that you give all your attention to him, and not reciprocating.
Get your control back--if he thinks you're only friends, then act as a platonic friend would. Personally, I would distance myself from him, stop seeing him, until I had myself back to a firmer emotional footing. Be firm, you can be polite and cordial, but stick to your guns!!!!
Something's happened that's caused this distance in him. Until you know what it is, and that means that he has to be honest with you, you do not need to be treated as a quasi-girlfriend.
Treat this declaration of him as a break up; it sounds like one to me if you go from girlfriend to friend who happens to be a girl.
...............................
|
