A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why is it that some men stare but never speak? I work with a lot of men at a fairly large grocery chain. I was doing my grocery shopping one night after work and smiled almost instinctively at an extremely attractive man. Later that night I ran into him again and when I didn't smile at him, he walked right past me and tapped on my cart to get my attention, grinned and walked off, looking over his shoulder at me. That was when I realized he also worked there. Since then, I've run into him a lot. When he's alone he'll smile at me, and he will do things that aren't his job just to walk through my workspace, but he never looks directly at me or acknowledges me in any way if my coworkers are standing there with me. I said hi to him once and he claimed he'd forgotten something, then when he came back in he only greeted my male colleague, and then just kept walking. He'll glance at me repeatedly and fix his hair, but he keeps walking. Once is coincidence. More than once is deliberate. Last week, he "just happened" to follow me when I was on a task, and he stood a few feet away from me pretending to be looking at things on the shelf as I helped a customer and talked to another coworker. Instead of saying hello, he just stood and stared at me the entire time I did it, without smiling or saying hello at all. Now, I am a very friendly person (American). I smile at lots of my colleagues if I know them and say hello. I don't say hello to people I barely know. I said hi to him once and I thought that would be enough to break the ice but no, every time he sees me he stares at me and never says a word. He works an office job and I'm a shift worker. I don't want a relationship or anything. It's just nice sometimes to be smiled at by a hot guy. But I've given up. After that whole incident where he just "happened" to show up where I was doing my task (in a part of the building he's not supposed to be in), he has ignored me, just walks past me like I don't exist, and if I smile at him he immediately turns his head and keeps going. If he's with another colleague from his main job he will very deliberately not look at me. The other day I saw him in the hall and pretended to be engrossed with my phone, when I looked up at him (he was looking at me), he turned his face away and stalked past me looking upset. I feel like it would be very immature of me to stop smiling at him at this point, but I'm done. Now I only wish to avoid him. Is this reasonable? Why would he stare at me, smile at me, but never acknowledge me? To provide context he's a security guard and I work on the floor.
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co-worker, immature, stalking Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2019): It seems you're describing someone assigned to supervise you or watch-over the work area. He works there and keeps an eye on you while working? He never speaks. Seems to me it must be his job.
My advice is this. Just smile, nod, and then turn and ignore him. Sorry, but he doesn't have to say a peep to you if he doesn't want to.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2019): I'm surprised his big head fits into the door of the store to get in and out.
If I were you, I'd ignore this loser who has played this stupid little game so many times before with women just like you!
This is where you work! Don't get involved in his useless bullshit! He messes with people!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2019): To me, your post was all over the place. You said that he was an office worker, so I presumed management of some sort, and to most people, smiling is acknowledgement and nearly the same as saying hello. Then at the end you say he is a security guard. Does he wear a uniform and guard the money in the office and cash registers, or is a plain clothes loss prevention person, who is there to catch shop lifters and/or employees who steal from the store, including employees who stand about, socializing while on the company time clock, rather than doing the job for which they are paid? If I were you, I would smile when I see him, and be doing your job, well, when you encounter him, if only to show that you have nothing to hide from store security! Keep your romance and vanity outside of the store and off of the company time clock! Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (31 May 2019):
 I have to ask, is the age on your profile correct? Are you really in your 40s? It has to be said, your post comes across as if it was written by someone still at school. It's the sort of thing we used to discuss and snigger and dream about when we were in our early teens and crushing on boys. It's one step off doodling his name on your books and practicing signing your "married" name using his surname.
Ironic that you write "I feel like it would be very immature of me to stop smiling at him at this point, but I'm done. Now I only wish to avoid him." You feel THAT would be immature but listing his every move and glance and believing everything he does to be about YOU isn't immature?
Come on, you're a grown woman. It's not his responsibility to smile at you just because you chose to smile at him. Perhaps he is shy. Perhaps he is married. Perhaps YOU are? Perhaps he is very awkward socially. Perhaps he is scared you will read more into a smile than is meant. Perhaps perhaps perhaps. Whatever.
Treat him like any other colleague - professionally and courteously. Why would you need to avoid him? He hasn't done anything wrong.
You are paid to work, not fantasize about cute guys.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 May 2019):
 He knows he has made you "interested" now he is just playing the game of pulling away but not totally to see if you follow... When you DIDN'T give him the goo-goo eyes but looked engrossed in your phone he got annoyed because YOU didn't play HIS game.
He knows he is attractive and he ENJOYS women looking at him. Because he is a vain kind of guy. All the eyeing him is balm to his ego...
A smile IS an acknowledgement.
Doesn't mean he WANTS to talk TO you. Or be seen talking to you.
Personally, I'd STOP trying to get him to engage in conversation or anything. Just smile or nod like you would ANY other coworker. Or ignore him. Personally, I'd just be polite but generally pretend I didn't notice him. Be busy with work.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (31 May 2019):
 In my book smiling at somebody is acknowledgment. You pretending to be busy on your phone and not acknowledging him, seems to have been very noticeable, and probably appeared rude.
What is it you REALLY want he, conversations? There is no reason why YOU can't, after he smiles and you smile say something about the weather or the weekend sport.
If you are looking for something more then a quick search of these pages will advise you against romance in the workplace.
Good luck.
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