A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Every man I have been with has always made such a big deal out of me not having orgasms with them. It's like they are personally insulted by it or something? why? what's the big deal? I have only orgasmed with someone once through penetrative sex, when I lost my virginity. I can orgasm on my own fine but I have to use the shower or a vibrator and it takes ages, I cannot do it with just my hands. No matter what any guy does I never come with them. But thats doesn't mean I don't enjoy it, infact if I get myself off after I've had sex, the orgasm is usually alot better. My boyfriend I'm with now seems to think because I don't come with him, it means he's crap, when actually he is the best lover I've had! I will never fake it as I don't believe in lying and bullshitting to people.I feel lucky that I can orgasm at all, becaue I know one person who has never had one. I have good orgasms on my own and I enjoy sex with my boyfriend, it is win win for me, I have no desire to try to re-sensitise myself or anything like that.Does this make me selfish, or should I just be reassuring my man that it doesn't matter? Is this my issue or his?
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (10 July 2013):
 It's more him than you, in my opinion. While it is true that many women, possibly most, rarely if ever orgasm via penetration alone, it is up to the man to discover what pleases you.
A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (8 July 2013):
 As kirra07 said we (men) associate your orgasms with our prowess. When we can’t make you cum we feel we did something wrong or we aren’t good enough at what we were doing. We lose sight of the fact that you cannot cum as easily as we do. We also want you happy. It’s hard (own intended) to think that woman do NOT NEED an orgasm every time they have sex. As a man that is always the ultimate goal (when we are younger), therefore why isn’t it yours? We put to much emphasis on making you orgasm hence we get depressed or down when you don’t. I remember the first time I had a talk with my wife about it. I have had a few (maybe 4) women cum during sex via one way or another. I had one woman tell me she fakes it to enhance MY pleasure, well after that it was very hard to enjoy sex like before. I felt like I was lied to. However the others never came, but were OK with it. Back to my wife, she let me know that for her the please was me being inside her and close physically to her. She enjoyed feeling me inside her after we had sex. She said when she walked she could still feel my seed inside her and she like it, because it was like I was with her still inside her. She explained that she never wanted to fake it and I thanked her for that. I don’t like that at all, its done lovingly but is just wrong to have to feel like you have to do that for him. Now when we have sex I realize she just wants me inside her as one person, a part of her. Her pleasure is seeing and feeling My pleasure. We are now one when she masturbates as I am always there (well most of the time) to talk or caress her sensually. As a young man I had no idea about that stuff. Educate him about the pleasures you get pleasuring him and that it is so difficult to orgasm without direct masturbation that you cannot cum without it. Ask him to join you. At the least talk to him an he will be much better lover understanding that your pleasure comes from his.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (8 July 2013):
I think it's pretty common for guys to feel that their sexual prowess is measured by how they can make women orgasm. Actually, for women as well. I like it when my man orgasms, and when he occasionally doesn't for whatever reason, it's a bit disappointing, and a I have the fleeting thought, "what did I do wrong or what should I have done." And since your bf has never made you orgasm, it's not too surprising that he feels bad.
Actually, I can count on one hand the number of times I have orgasmed. And it definitely was an issue with my bf (now husband). He was used to making women orgasm, especially with oral, and he couldn't with me. I just reassured him that I was like this with everyone, that even though I don't orgasm I still really enjoy sex with him. And it took time, but he's ok with it now. He does occasionally want to try extra hard and spend time trying to make me orgasm, so I let him. And sometimes I get him to be involved in my self pleasuring, which makes it better and makes him feel good.
So definitely reassure him and explain to him that you just can't orgasm with penetration, it isn't just him. And try to involve him in your orgasms. So when you are pleasuring yourself with a vibrator, have him talk to you, use his hands, his mouth, etc. If anything, that will probably feel better for you, and he will be a part of your orgasm too.
I also want to point out that it's good that he is concerned about not being able to make you orgasm. Part of it might be male pride, but part of it is probably that he wants to give you pleasure. If he was selfish and didn't care, then he wouldn't care if you orgasm ever or not. But he does want to be able to give you pleasure the way you give him pleasure. It's just that right now, he equates orgasm with pleasure.
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