A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Okay this is embarrassing.. I started to see a guy, very smart, kind and fun to be around. Last night was the 1st we had sex. I am a bit shy by nature but quite open minded sexually. Anyway the sex I thought was quite good, and when I left his flat early this morning he told me he had a wonderful night and he'd see me soon.I just received an email from him and I am quite confused now. He wrote blow by blow what he thought was good and what was bad, where I can improve. For example, I came out of the bathroom and had my t-shirt on, we were on bed making out - and seen as it was my 1st time with him and feeling a little self conscious I said - do you mind if I turn the big light off and put lamp on, he said go ahead. Anyway in his email, he told me he would of preferred if I had of come out of the bathroom naked saying here I am etc and left the light on. The next time we are together he would prefer that, otherwise I'd be hard work???? But he did say the sex itself was great but my shyness in asking to dim the lights was off putting and ill have to work on it. i feel a bit embarrassed, besides this guy I have only ever been with two other ex boyfriends and it took me a few times to let go and be comfortable with them. Just feeling a bit humiliated, never received an email like that before and I have no idea how to respond. Any ideas? How do I respond to his critique of me in bed?.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (13 July 2013):
 Hi OP, I think you have made the right choice, maybe the young man in question will now take a long look at his actions and get over himself. He is the one with many lessons to learn from this, not you, I hope he heeds them.
If that had happened to me at your age I would have been devastated! Don't let his silly, immature insensitive actions impact on you, just remind yourself when you need to that he is a droob and keep on living your life!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): He is a jerk. You should respond by sending him your own critique of how he can improve his performance next time (though I don't recommend there be a next time with him) .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): *Original poster*Thank you for answers. And yes I still feel embarrassed. Spoke to him again, he told me I was someone he could see himself having a relationship with and wanted honest, open communication. He said sorry he hurt my feelings and would try to be more sensitive. I didn't critique him back, just felt would be too mean and immature. Anyway I said I wouldn't be seeing him again and just to stay friends, he looked hurt and his apology seemed sincere. I just don't think my self esteem could take that kind of bashing and I'd be terribly self conscious if I were to sleep with him again.He has sent me a few text messages since and a couple of missed calls, one email but ill stick to my decision. Thank you aunts
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 July 2013):
 Are you still embarrassed or have the aunts here managed to get you to see that he is a ridiculous individual? :)
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (9 July 2013):
 That guy is a total loser. He's basically treating you like a call girl. Those are the kind of instructions a client gives to someone he's paying to have sex with. Tell him to go **** himself!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 July 2013):
 This guy sounds like he's either joking, or he's the type that has a Microsoft Office Spreadsheet detailing all of his sexual escapades with other women. That is without a doubt the most anal retentive quirk I have ever read on here!
You could make fun of his email by writing a critique back yourself, or you could tell him that that is in really poor taste and you're gonna move on to greener pastures.
I would most likely have to make fun of his email, critiquing the goofy "O" face, to the weird things he was doing with his hands, to the fact that I felt cheated that he wasn't doing the "naked helicopter dick" dance while playing the ukulele dance and yodeling at the same time. I mean, come on! Also the hair on his chest was arranged funny, in a kind of "cat whisker" sort of way. Oh, and his butt was hairy too, that you usually prefer a guy who waxes his ass from the back of the knee to the small of his back, because having to "touch" that foliage would be "hard work".
Pfft. What a complete doofus.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 July 2013):
 Tell him you'll be coming out of the bathroom next time wearing a hazmat suit and carrying a candle if he doesn't apologize immediately for his bad manners.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2013): Seriously? oh my god I can't believe anyone would actually do that! what a complete weirdo.
This dude sounds like an absolute idiot I would not bother with them again personally and chalk it up to experience, its a funny story you can laugh about one day I guess.
I like the idea previously stated of sending back your own critique though lol
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A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (8 July 2013):
what a loser, move on and find someone worthwhile and mature
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 July 2013):
"Dear John,
"Thank you for your critique of our night together. As you have initiated this type of analysis, I am going to take this and run with it.
"Critiquing your critique, I have to say that writing a critique in the first place is a very poor show. Considerate lovers do not write things like this down, they encourage, through positive reinforcement, the desired behaviors. So that's a negative for me, that you even thought that writing such a missive was a good idea. It was not.
"So for me, the way that YOU can improve is to delete that email you wrote, and if you ever want the chance to see me again, you will start with an apology for being such an effing eejit for even thinking that such a critique is a good idea and for insulting me by sending it to me.
"Back atcha, babe, you were fine in bed but obviously have some serious common-sense issues. Not sure it's worth trying to fix you, you may not be trainable.
"Severely disappointed in you,
"Jane"
(thanks for Aunty BimBim for the brilliant idea!)
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (8 July 2013):
Are you sure he wasn't trying to be funny .... and failing! If you are sure he wasn't, be a devil and critique him back, get a few of your girlfriends over and ask them to help you write it! A shared bottle of wine might make the critique even better. Even if you don't send the final report you will have had a great laugh, and laughter is the best medicine.
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