A
female
age
30-35,
*luffyPie
writes:Today is my boyfriend's mom birthday. I didn't know until now, even if we've been going out for a year. He invited me to his place to celebrate his mom, but I couldn't be there, since I'm out of town, so I asked him to tell her "happy birthday for me" and I told him I'm gonna call the next day (today that is), so he can put his mom on the phone, so I can tell her personally as well. Her mom and I haven't talked too much, since I don't pay often visits, but she likes me. Or at least she seems so.OK so, today I called him, but he said "you've picked the wrong moment, she's not at home right now". I said "fine, call me when she gets back". He said "no problem, I'll tell her 'happy birthday' for you". I said "but I wanted to tell her personally", he said "no, I cannot let you talk to her without me knowing what you're talking about". I was stumped, he doesn't trust me. I said "oh, come on, I just want to wish her 'happy birthday' and to refuse politely my absence for today, since I couldn't be there". Eventually, he promised to call me as soon as she "gets back". So, we're finishing our conversation on the phone and... SURPRISE: I hear his mom's voice on the background. I didn't say anything about it, I don't want to embarrass him, but why did he lie ? Why do men lie about silly things? No matter what he does, it cannot make me hate him or judge him. We're getting along very well lately, since he's starting to communicate more with me... I just want him to be honest, even if it hurts. I don't want him to consider me stupid or naive. It's not the first time when he lies about unimportant stuff, but why? Why can't he be honest ? I don't mind the lie itself, but I mind the way he considers me... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Just dont be pressured by him and run the relationship at your own pace.
You obviously care about him enough not to move on so as long as he is making you happy then just enjoy the relationship.
He may grow out of the bigger lies eventually. I know your trust may be a little dented right now but that will regain if the lies stop.
It may be innocent like maybe he told his mom he was going to propose to you? and maybe she may not be good at keeping secrets.
Its just a thought but probably way off the mark.
Anyway I hope it works out for you!
A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (17 August 2010):
FluffyPie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, we've had communication problems, like many couples at the beginning, I guess. He thinks that no one says that a relationship must flow in a fast pace, but in the meantime, he wants to go fast, that is getting married. He became more open to me and that makes me extremely happy. I was extremely insecure because he was silent and never telling me what's bothering him, so I though he doesn't consider me important enough to share his problems with.
I think Kenj pointed out very well, maybe he told me one thing and another thing to his mother, and that's why he avoided that moment. Indeed, we all lie, I lie too of course, I'm only human, just to get things my way, but I don't want him to lie to me. For instance, if he goes "oh honey, you look great dressed like that" and I'm quite sure that I look horrible, I don't consider it as a lie. It's his vision towards me, I know men don't judge female body as we, women, do.
But sticking to the topic, some UPDATES: he never called me eventually, I wasn't expecting him to do so, he said he had no more credit on the phone to beep me so I can call him back to talk to his mom.
I told him that I don't want him to consider me an idiot and he was extremely stumped; he didn't know what I was talking about, and he swore he was telling the truth. Moreover, showed me he didn't have credit.
But I asked him about his mom, I told him I heard her voice in the background, and he totally denied, telling me that I'm wrong, but I'm not insane, aside his mom, there is no other woman, plus, his mom is a bit ill, and that day was EXTREMELY hot outside and it's not recommended to go outside between certain hours in the noon. Besides, she's not really the "going out" type of person. He said she came back at home late at night. So yeah, he insisted that I was wrong, he said that I've maybe heard the TV or something.
For my mental sake, I decided to believe him, no matter what, until proven otherwise. For now I'll just enjoy my relationship with him, as long as he's not lying over big stuff.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (16 August 2010):
 I would not lump this all up into a generalization about "Why do men lie about silly things?". This is not normal. He is flat out lying to you and he doesn't trust you to even talk to his mother. In my opinion, this is something you need to pursue further with him. If you feel that you cannot talk to him about his, then that is unhealthy for a relationship. Don't make excuses for him. Don't say things like "I don't want to upset him...".
Quick question... what did you mean by saying "We're getting along very well LATELY?". Have you two had issues thus far? Trust issues?
These may seem like minor things to you, but to me it sounds more then minor.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (16 August 2010):
That sounds a little weird. He’s probably told his mom one thing and you another and doesn’t want you speaking direct with her.
What that is anyone’s guess. Does he lie about other things too?
Some guys lie about everything, making themselves seem someone they are not. Some take it to the extreme of impersonation.
Personally I never lie about the big issues in relationships but may tell some small ones to get my own way and I know my girlfriend does too.
Its human nature. I think that anyone who claims not to tell a single lie is not telling the truth.
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