A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My Girlfriend and i have been going out for 1 year and 7 months, were both on our second year of college but the problem is that she still hides me from her parents, we live together and everything but as soon as her parents call, i have to even stop breathing. One time she was so scared of her parents because she was running late she left at the curb and i had to walk 5 miles at night to get home, is this normal? should i expect to be recognized, or is it to early to even be asking something like that? Don't get me wrong it does not matter if her parent's know me or not but it just offends me everything time she tell's me to be quiet .... I am certain she is not cheating but it just offends me that she does that to me... what should i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell my girlfriend does not depend financially from her aunt, and thank you for the advice i will take it to heart... she went to visit her aunt for a month and while it's hard it has help me realize how much i love her and how much i am willing to resolve the situation. I talked to my gf about the situation and the reason she does not tell her mom about me is because her mom is angry and she might stop talking to her so i guess that is reason...
A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (19 August 2010):
 I'm sorry to hear that. I've lived with my aunt for 4 months and I know it's a living hell, so I totally understand the situation. It's scary how I find my own experiences in this story.But anyway, being in the top of the class has nothing to do with your personality. So, until here, her 'mother' is not OK with the fact that she's dating a boy, no matter who he is, she's overprotective and she thinks that you might destroy her. Maybe she wants her to focus on school stuff. My aunt was having health issues, she was getting easily irritating and impulsive and extremely bossy and finding reasons to keep me inside the house out of nothing. I was scared to even say 'hello' to her. So those 4 months of living with her were hell.Even if she's an adult now, maybe she still depends financially on her 'mother', and that's why she gets yelled at all the time. Her 'mother' feels insecure and she thinks that she disrespects her or she's not appreciative enough for taking care of her. Or maybe she's had a bad life experience and doesn't want her daughter to go through the same. Reasons could be many, so it's hard to deal with such things.I think your girlfriend needs support from another member in the family, someone close, to tell her 'mother' that she's a big girl now, and if she chose this road, means she's taking the responsibility of her doings. If you love her, be there for her and help her find a solution.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have never given her mother a reason for her to call me that, in fact her mother has said a couple of times that i am a good friend. I have never done nothing compromising at all, in fact my girlfriend always brags how i end on top of my class. The problem is that i think her mother is over protective or really jealous-- in fact her mother is not her biological mother it's her aunt and she believes that as soon as college is over that her daughter has to go live back with her, and my gf tells me that her mother gets really mad when they ask her if her daughter has a boyfriend. I can't gain her mothers trust because her mother is a very angry person and one time my gf got in trouble because her curfew was at 7 and she had to drive me home and we had 5 minutes to be at 7 and then for her to be in the house, and she had a complete meltdown, she ended trembling and crying and she was completely terrified. My gf tells me that her mother never hit her but it's scary how much she fears her. My gf is a single child and her aunt could never bear a child,
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (18 August 2010):
I've been through something similar, my mother didn't like my ex-boyfriend because he had no college (she has weird standards), but he was a very good guy. When we were talking on the phone, I had to hide from my mom, because she kept telling me "I hope this is just a simple FRIENDSHIP". Unfortunately, she pressured me into finding something better and I broke up with him because I was sick of hiding (I was 18 back then, and still in highschool). We've been together for 9 months or so.
Her parents are overprotective, and this is not a bad thing. Does her mother have a reason to say you're trash? Did you give her a reason to consider you trash?
Does she know something compromising about you?
If so, she's all the right to keep her daughter away from you. BUT, you can prove her that you're worthy of her daughter, if this is what it takes to be in a transparent relationship with her. I know, you don't have a relationship with her parents, but if trying to gain her mother's trust if the price you have to pay, go for it.
Your girlfriend's behavior towards both, you and her parents, is unhealthy and unfair. In time, she'll have to choose: it's either YOU or her parents. We don't want that, so the ideal is to choose both :)
Best of luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for the long response, well she is 20 years old, and i know that she told her mother that she was staying at a dorm room since the college we go to is 8 hours away but thats is all her mother knows. I put up with this because I love her so much but at the start of the relationship, we could not even talk, we would text every 4 hours or whenever she had time, we actually had our first date the 4th month we were actually already boyfriends. The situation is bad because i feel like i am not being wanted, she puts her mother before me at all times, She has only talked about me to her mother as a friend and once her mom told her to be careful of me because i was trash. It was the most insulting thing ever since her mother barely knows me and i am a responsible guy with a job. She did not say anything to what her mother said not even sorry.....
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (15 August 2010):
After 1 year and 7 months she should be able to introduce you into her world. But maybe her parents are extremely severe with her, maybe they think she's too young to be involved in a relationship.
BTW how old is she?
If you say you're living together, I wonder what she said to her parents, that she lives with a female friend or something?
Or maybe she knows you don't satisfy her parents' expectations concerning the vision of their daughter's boyfriend.
Or she's simply scared to introduce you to her parents because maybe they have issues and she doesn't want you to see it, and she's ashamed with them.
But the best for her would be to be honest with you.
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