A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I have a question about college guys, hooking up and dating.I recently transferred to a new university and I realized it was a huge mistake. Outside of academics, I don't like my classmates or the location, but I've already been here a year and I only have one year left (I mean, I hope we go back in September...thanks COVID-19). Anyway, after my first year, I realized that I should really just pursue my hobbies outside of campus, so I regularly go to the neighboring city where I have a cool part-time job, I've become friends with an art gallery owner, and I make my art. I'd consider myself to be a calm, mellow creative person, and doing these things makes me feel best.My biggest issue is whenever I get back on campus, I am constantly bothered by college guys who look at me in a very sexual way. I'm small and pretty, but God, I am barely on campus! Like I said before, I find a lot of the men and women there to be rude, self-centered, and mean, so I don't talk to them. Yet, I get a lot of these men booty calling me, looking me up and down like I'm a piece of meat, and trying to grope me at the occasional party that I attend. However, I am not flirty. I do not want to have sex with these men. I do not want to date them, talk to them, or be around them. Still, I have men send me dick photos on Instagram and I have men sending me messages on Facebook asking, "wanna fuck"?I'm sorry, is this just college these days? Am I subconsciously putting out some sort of vibe that says I'm easy? Really, I could probably pass for asexual to some people given how unattracted I am to these men even though they keep coming onto me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2020): OP, no college woman should put up with penis pics and wanna fuck requests. Contact the University or City Police Department, for your juristiction! The only vibe that you might be transmitting is that you are unattainable and perhaps even appear stuck up or too good, for the big men on campus. Even if those perceptions are completely false, if a bully or group of bullies get such a notion into their heads, sadly they are capable of much sick crudeness. Perhaps talk with your parents about transfering to another college, to complete your senior year. Good luck OP and if you do return there in September, make law enforcement earn their money! Please do not tolerate that nonsense anymore! Best wishes!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2020): If you can speak to a college counsellor then do so because you have left me a little concerned for your safety.
It is only by making complaints that you will get any changes made.
Some of the guys sound stupid enough to start a betting circle about who will bed who.
I hope that isn't the case but before going to the police please raise a serious concern with the university about the level of sexual harassment you are being subjected to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2020): Each college campus has its own reputation and traditions. A lot depends on how the institution is run and regulated by it's President, deans, department heads, administrative staff, policy-makers, and the faculty. Some small-time state colleges and universities are very laxed; while others are quite strict, and set higher standards of conduct for both students and faculty. Not-for-profit universities tend to be stricter about on-campus activities. They get funding mainly from the government, endowments, and student tuition. Private colleges and universities are your ivy league schools and universities, and they try to avoid scandal at all costs!
The impact colleges and universities have on the towns and cities around them; can directly effect their ranking among esteemed town institutions. Bad- press can significantly reduce student-enrollment; adversely-effecting their standing among other competitive schools. Sometimes the "party-culture" gets out of hand; but the lack of complaints from those victimized, allows the perpetrators to continue their antics with impunity. Things happen that may rise to the level of acts of crime; sometimes culminating in injury, psychological-trauma, and suicide.
We are talking about the same Z-generation you attended high school with; and those who graduated only 3-4 years ahead of you! It's the typical reckless and knuckle-headed behavior mainly among male-students who don't take their education seriously!
It is rampant in colleges or universities where no formal-complaints are filed when young-women like yourself are harassed, and even worse...assaulted! Some colleges and universities have the audacity to sweep it all under the rug; or make complaints submitted by ethnic-minorities and women almost self-destructive. Turning on the victim, rather than the assailant. I know that's what makes people hesitant to complain. Fearing they'll bear the blame; or be humiliated through exposure! If you do nothing to stop it, it happens again and again. You should report when you are sent pictures of male-genitals, blatant images; or illicit messages propositioning you. You have to block open or public-access to your social media accounts. If necessary, avoid big parties with a lot of drinking and drugs. You know which of them you have no business attending! Word gets-out about where the wildest parties are happening, and who's throwing them! You don't crash or attend those events without invitation! You have to listen to what people say, and learn how to navigate your way around. Avoid the popular scene! The peer-pressure is enormous!
When you are inappropriately-touched or accosted; report the incident to campus security when it occurs on campus. Make record of it, and force the administrators and policy-makers to do their jobs!!! You have the right, and are entitled, to feel safe whenever you are on-campus. Not much they can do about off-campus parties; but if you know who touched you, or groped you. Inconspicuously snap an iPhone pic, and file your complaint. Otherwise, limit your attendance to more tamed activities where there's supervision and sponsoring through the university administrators and assigned staff. You're not experienced or old enough to be hanging with sophomores and seniors! The rowdy-crowd is more than you can handle, sweetheart!
If you file official-complaints of harassment, notify customer-support on your social media accounts, and submit the communications you're receiving as evidence; the senders will likely be be expelled, and/or removed from social media. You may even file legal-charges in severe cases. Then there is this mentality among students it's ratting or squealing. Peer-pressure or shaming silences very serious cases of harassment by male-students. Then there are other social-groups and cliques; that intimidate or attack people through mob-bullying, and blackmail by way of posting embarrassing pics and videos on social media.
If no-one reports this stuff, it makes your college-experience exactly what you're going through.
None of it is your fault. You've done nothing wrong! When it starts to become an overwhelming experience; sweetheart, it has to be reported to campus security, and make its way to the office of your college president. I know young-women are terrified! They don't want to inform their parents, or be exposed; but before it becomes psychologically-traumatic, it's better to defend yourself by every means at your disposal!!! You fear ostracism and exile by the popular people! You can't live in a bubble, or walk around in a suit of armor. Looks don't really have anything to do with it. It's the vulnerability-factor! The use of mob-mentality or predatory-behavior to overwhelm those singled-out and targeted. Being able to hide behind anonymity; or blend into the crowd, to avoid detection and accountability. If you catch one in the act, have eye-witness accounts (people brave enough to support you), take action!!! You have as much right to enjoy your college years as anybody else. Although it seems these days, it has also become a fight for survival among the fittest!!! I suggest you travel with your own select circle of friends, and avoid hanging with older-students that you hardly know. If you don't know anybody at the party, you have no business there!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2020): It’s not likely you’re giving out a vibe that you’re “easy.” You actually sound very smart, and it doesn’t make you asexual to not be attracted to the type of man you describe. You aren’t interested in one night stands, and that’s perfectly fine. I’m sure if a classy, respectful guy approached you, you’d be more interested. Unfortunately, the type only looking for sex will still approach you because you’re pretty. Nothing can be done about that, but you can block them on social media or ignore them in person. If someone gropes you, make a scene and draw attention to them. Embarrass the hell out of them! If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, simply tell them to their face that behavior is unacceptable. If you say nothing, they will think you must not mind, even if you look visibly uncomfortable.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (5 May 2020):
 Not being attracted to crude boorish men does not make you asexual, sweetheart. It makes you discerning and classy. Stick to your guns. University will not last for ever. Once you finish your studies, you can move into the outside world where you will already know what you won't tolerate in men. Good for you for sticking to your guns and not succumbing to peer pressure.
You deserve better and you will find better.
Good luck with your studies.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 May 2020):
 I don't think it's YOU, OP
I think it's (unfortunately) part of the "generational culture" and definitely "college culture" at SOME colleges. And it might be that because you seem aloof you becomes a bigger challenge.
Anyone who sends you an UNSOLICITED dick pick you block. Whether it's over the phone or social media. BLOCK is your friend. Or you can do as my daughter did and send a message back telling the guy that her dick was bigger and that he should probably keep his in his pants. And then she reported him and blocked him.
Anyone who tries to grope you at a party, you tell to keep their hands to themselves. If they presume you are there because you want to get laid doesn't GIVE them the "right" to grope anyone. But you GOT to stand up for yourself too.
Unfortunately you can't tell EVERY guy to leave you alone, that would take up way too much of your time and waste your time too. So best advice? USE block when you can and IGNORE for everything else. Unless they physically lay a hand on you (like groping) then you tell them to go jump in a lake.
Now this is an explanation for their behavior NOT an excuse, ok?
You have a BUNCH of teens move away from their families to go to college, they are no longer supervised (except from the class rooms) so they are testing boundaries, others and their owns. Some were sheltered at home and go "wild" when they get to college, 1. because they think they "have to" and 2. because mom and dad can't tell them no. Others were "raised in a barn" with no manners, no common sense. Just allowed to do whatever they feel like.
I have seen a LOT of those kids among my own kids peers in high-school. Those are the ones who's parents who didn't really raise their kids, they expected teachers and other adults to do the job for them. Those are the kids who think coming to school drunk or smoking weed or waping is super cool. It's kinda sad.
But that also means when (if) they go off to college, they continue down the road of not REALLY knowing how to adult. They rather be "COOL".
You seem to have figured out that making friends OFF campus is what is right for you, so keep at it. Keep going to your classes and KEEP ignoring the fools who think you are there for them to have someone to "hit" on.
Part of life is realizing there there are a lot of good people out there, some bad and some that are just "lost".
Instead of wasting your time on people you want nothing to do with, focus on the ones you do. And focus on YOUR future.
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