A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a an amazing guy for about 10 months. He is a widower with kids. I am totally in love with him and he has told me so many times that he loves me.The relationship began as friendship and grew to something far more.There wasn't always lots of time to spend together, kids to be taken care of, etc. But there was times when the kids were with family or friends where we took full advantage of him having a day or two and spent time together. There was also the usual stuff; hours on the phone, movies, dinner, lunch.Anyway, he has recently told me that he loves me but doesn't feel that he can be in a relationship right now because he needs to be there for the kids, which I appreciate. They weren't aware that their dad had been seeing anyone. We agreed that they didn't need to know until a point came where we knew it was going someplace, and now it's obviously not. We are still in contact, pretty much every day, nothing like how it was initially though.Was he just letting me down gently??Why do men do the 'I love you, but...' thing??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 August 2010):
Hi there. It's difficult trying to sustain a relationship where there are kids from a previous relationship.
His kids are probably still quite young as well. That doesn't help. They would always be trying to compare you to their mother, which is what kids do. It would certainly cause a lot of friction between the both of you.
Perhaps just stay friends, but take it really slow. He does after all have a responsibility for those children of his. He is all they have now their mother is gone.
Maybe from time to time, you could have a cup of coffee and a chat to catch up. Or a phone call once a week. Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do about it. But it's important to maintain your independence, whatever you do, otherwise you might become an emotional mess.
Hope this helps you. Best wishes.
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