A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:Why do men disappear or dump you and give you no closure and think its ok? This is what my ex did.
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female
reader, Determined Diva  +, writes (11 February 2011):
 I was in a two year off and on relationship with a looser who did the dissapearing act just yesterday! No phone call, no email, no text,nothing! I went to Walmart and when I came home his suitcase and his few belongings were gone! You know that old saying, "you get what you pay for"? I have to stop shopping on the clearance rack for men. He was very needy for a 37 year old man and he didn't work. I cooked him gourmet meals and loaned him money thinking that it would make him love me more, whatever that means! Everytime the going got tough, he ran two hours away to his mom's house and would call me to talk from there. He was a coward and an immature man who I thought I could fix.He packed up and left just as quick as he came and it hurts but I know that it's best. Now I can move on to greener pastuers and hopefully find a real man one day. I learned the hard way but it's good to know that I'm not alone! I'm doing my research, re-building my self-esteem, and looking forward,not backward. He did me a favor, because I didn't have the courage to do it myself, for fear of being alone. I see now that it's exactly where I need to be!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Just to echo some of the other posts here, it's not a gender thing: women do it as well.
I know, as it's just happened to me. She abrupty ended it by text, then when we finally talked - a week later - gave no real reason for it other than to say that it was because I would have been unsupportive of the fact that she longer had time for the relationship now that she'd started University...
As CindyCares says, this is the behaviour of someone who has no genuine feeling for you. It makes it even harder for the 'dumpee', as you're having to deal not only with the grief and pain of the loss, but also the sense of betrayal that the person you loved/cared for is capable of treating you with such contempt...
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (11 October 2010):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx everyone. This isn't after a couple of dates. This after almost a year in a relationship and a happy relationship. I just feel stuck
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (11 October 2010):
 No one is entitled to "closure." Starting a relationship may be mutual, but ending one is unilateral. You have no real obligation to someone after the relationship ends.
Certainly, explaining your position and making everything clear to the other person is the proper, polite thing to do, but it's not a right. Too many people try to turn it into a negotiation, or demand an apology - neither of which is a real option at that point.
Men and women both do it, but getting hung up over it is just giving the other person more power over you. Best to put them out of your mind and move on, closure or no.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 October 2010):
 They don't think it's OK, it's just easier for them because they don't want to have to deal with someone breaking down and crying/begging/being devastated. It's not a gender specific thing, it's just something people do when they are cowards.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010):
3 different women have done the same thing to me in the last 5 years.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 They do not think it is OK. They are aware it is not OK. They just do not care whether it is Ok or not, whether it hurts your feelings or not. Which makes a lot of sense, because if they had cared about you and your feelings... they would not have disappeared in the first place !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): If you find out, let me know, I'm a man and I was dumped by a woman who did the same thing, just sent me a message on Facebook after 9 months of dating saying, sorry, we're too different, I don't want to see you anymore, and then I haven't seen or spoken to her in almost a year, some people are just cold and don't want to deal with their actions, so they run away from them, I think it's just about people not wanting do face their own immaturity and shame. Beest of luck with healing.
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A
female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 Because they are immature, unable to be honest for the sake of your feelings, and obviously in some cases just callous and uncaring.
Of course it isn't okay, but let me give you a little bit of advice : Take this as a blessing in disguise. This guy treated you like something disposable - and didn't take one moment to consider your feelings. Be thankful that he is out of your life - once and for all.
The problem is, it is very easy to take my stance from an outsiders' perspective. It hurts like hell, and you didn't deserve it or do anything to make it happen. But it did - and the best way to react for your own sanity is to try to find any positive in a horrible situation.
You are rid of this loser forever, and free to eventually find/be with somebody who would never want to hurt you and will do everything to ensure you aren't hurt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): Cowardice is one reason. They can't face telling you because they don't want to deal with reactions etc. Another reason is, if your involvement was brief, they feel there wasn't enough emotion involved to justify parting words etc. Or, they can simply be jerks who couldn't care less :p Sometimes, men simply leave without a word because they've been hurt or dissapointed in the relationship. I've had it done to me before and I did it once to a guy who thought he deserved to sleep with me after knowing me a whole month. Ugh. I'm sorry that things just happen like that sometimes. Maybe one day, he'll contact you and explain. Maybe he won't. Either way, make your own closure and move on. It's not worth thinking and feeling hurt over. There are bigger and better fish in the sea.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): I find some men can be ignorant and damn right rude,spineless but most of all gutless
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