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female
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*izzick
writes: I'm going to try make this as short as possible.. but it's a really long story, hah. Me and my best friend, who was a guy, decided that we liked each other more than just friends and got together. We got on really well, and things went great for the first while. We both had our issues, and we fought a lot, but we loved each other and got through the arguments. About 8 months into the relationship, things started to really go downhill. We wouldn't talk to each other for days over the slightest little thing, and sometimes just his presence would irritate me. However, I still loved him very much, and when we weren't fighting, I was the happiest I have ever been. But to get to the point.. after about a year and a couple months, we broke up. It was hard on both of us, and because we had the same circle of friends, it was awkward for everyone. We were both still in love, but it just didn't seem to be working out, because we fought so much, so we both thought this would be for the best.. but every time we seen each other we couldn't handle not being together and it would always end in tears. So we decided to take a clean break from each other, and not even talk for a while. Now, over a year on, we're friends. We hang out, just like we used to, and we get along really well.. but theres still a spark between us. The last few times we have been out, (and drunk) we have ended up together, but haven't talked about it afterwards. We went shopping last week, and on the way home (the bus was empty) we were tired and kind of cuddled up together.. he kept touching my hand and putting his arm around me, and it felt so great, like it did when we first got together, and it made me realise how much I miss him. He gives the best hugs. We had this chat a couple of weeks ago, and he told me he's afraid to be alone with me, because he doesn't trust himself.. I'm not too sure what he meant by that.. Basically, my problem is, I want him back, but I'm not sure how he feels, and I'm afraid to ask in case it causes any problems. It's been a year and a half since we broke up, and if I was to be completely honest with myself, I'm not over him, and I don't think I ever will be. He was my first real love, and no one I've been with since him has compared to him. Is it normal to be in love with someone after so long? Ugh, I don't even know what advice anyone can give me on this, I suppose it's just good to get it off my chest, because I can't talk to my friends about it, because they're his friends too.. Love sucks :(
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female
reader, Fizzick +, writes (10 November 2005):
Thanks for your inputs. Irish, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said the break enabled us to mature.. because when I think about it, we are very different people now, and both of us have matured. I think because we were young when we got together, and had a bad experience with it, is kind of putting me off talking to him about it. In a way, I'm afraid that he would say lets give it another go. I'm not really 100% sure what I want.. All I know is I don't want to go through breaking up with him again, it was too hard. I suppose its just a matter of whether or not its worth the risk.
rn_bound, we're not really alike in many ways. Like, we like different music, movies.. even food. But we would take turns in choosing what movie we watched, or where we went for dinner, so it was never a problem. We don't see alot of each other as it is, I'm busy with work and college, and he's the same, but when we do see each other.. thats where the problem is. Are you saying you think I should just not see him at all? I'm willing to try anything. I do hang out with my work friends alot, and I have met some really nice guys since we broke up, (when I've been out with my work friends) but I found myself comparing them to him, so it never worked out. Haha, I sound like such a loser, but it is really great to get opinions on this because its been playing on my mind for a long time now.. Thanks again. ( I don't even know if I'm supposed to respond back to you? - oh well, its a bit late for wondering that! )
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2005): I am in the same boat as you at the minute. dont orry i think its normal. maybe we are just lonely. we shud get out there and see what other fit nice lads are out there.as i always say WHERE THERES A JILL THERES A JACK!!!!! Have fun looking.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2005): I think you two do really love each other, but past history is not allowing you both feel safe about making that next step to renewing your relationship. it really sounds like this "break" has enabled both of you to grow and mature enough, so you should feel comfortable enough to tell your guy that you are beginning to once again, develop warm and fuzzy feelings for him, that you would love to be able to pick up where you both left off. I think you should take the chance and talk openly and honestly about your feelings for him. And let's hope he feels the same way about you. The prospects look great!
Good luck, dear and take care.
Hugs,
Irish
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female
reader, rn_bound04 +, writes (10 November 2005):
This sounds like a lack of choices to me. Yes, he is your best friend, BUT just because he is your best friend doesn't mean he's boyfriend material. Since you guys are such good friends you may be too much alike to be able to keep a relationship going. If that's the case, of course there's a spark there, everyone is intrigued by someone that is like themselves. So, try distancing yourself from him for a while, toss yourself into a new group of friends and choose another hang out spot for a while, and see what happens. You will make new friends, and I'm not saying ditch your old friends, you can still hang with them, but just keep your options open. If this guy is going to be at a particular event, then choose to do something else. You need some YOU time to figure out what is right for you. I know from experience that the right someone will come along when you are least expecting it. It may not be obvious at first but you will figure it out soon enough, when the time is right. Fate has a funny way of happening. Chin up, everything is going to be fine.
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