A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid! Why do I still feel so hurt and messed up after breaking with my ex a year ago?We were together on/ off for 9 yrs! I now believe he had a lot of narcissistic tendencys! He lied, had ex girlfriend he would hook up with behind my back! He was disrespectful to me! Put me down accused me of giving him kids he didn't want! He would get drunk on occasions and be verbally abusive! He even smashed our house window one day following a argument! He always tried to shift blame on me! He was also violent on a few occasions! I could never please him as he claimed I never loved him or praised him! We had 2 kids who are both under 10 still! The turning point for me was when after yet another breakup and him having lived in his flat for 6 mths, I allowed him back! I believed that as he was prepared to sell all his fine furniture and rent his flat out to be with us that maybe the time apart had been a wake up!He had been back 6/7 mths and began going out drinking with his mates again! This particular day he had gone out all day and following his return rather intoxicated he verbally abused me outside as I was unimpressed he'd returned drunk! I locked the door and he proceeded to come around the front and throw a large brick through our window! Our kids were scared and crying! He came into the house continuing to threaten me, pulling my hair etc! My older son rang the police and he was removed from the house! From then on I went no contact with him, he loved bombed me for a few months even sent a bouquet of flower ( with no note).I was invited to his for dinner, picnics etc. but stuck to my guns!He gave up! But now 12 mths on he has just moved his new girlfriend in and is buying new motorbikes for thousands of pounds, new expensive decorations for his flat, yet gives me a tiny amount of maintainence! Since moving in his lady he is showing less interest in having the kids! He only sees them 1 day in the week for tea and every other Friday night but brings them home usually before lunch!I know I shouldn't feel hurt and jealous but I'm totally consumed at the moment thinking about how he's just keep coming up smelling of roses, yet I'm left bringing up 2 kids, no social life and feeling depressed!
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (9 August 2014):
 You have been through an awful lot, and even after a year going through stuff like that, especially with kids will take a lot to get over. Of course the fact that he is your children father and you still have to see him when you hand the kids over will affect the moving on process. I think when someone you have been with for a long time gets a new girlfriend, it makes us all feel a little shit, and a little bit jealous even if we would never consider getting back with them. From your view point you are seeing him with this brand new lady, buying her a lovely gift and living life to the full while you are stuck at home with two kids and still feeling hurt from your relationship. Of course its going to make you feel angry and depressed, because I bet you probably would sit there thinking "why didn't he treat me like that?" "Why has he been able to get a better end of the deal than me?" "Why is he having such a good time?" It sucks, and sometimes life is unfair, but what you have to remember is he's a dick. He was a dick to you, its obvious he has a drinking problem, he's selfish and violent, so do you really think him and this new woman are going to last? No way. Not to mention that is if she isn't just with him for the brand new motorbike and once he buys it for her she drives off into the sunset without him! However don't you worry, karma works in mysterious ways, he's gonna get what he deserves one way or another. However you need to start enjoying life more, you need to get out there and embrace being away from him now. Go for a day out, get in touch with some old friends and go for a drink, treat yourself to a change, anything that makes you feel better you should do it. I think then you might be able to realize that you can embrace your life without him. You could even get back into the dating game if you feel ready enough, its understandable if you don't but its still an option. Live, laugh and love, and realize that he is gonna get whats coming, and of course if he keeps on not bothering with his children you have a right to decide if he does get to see them, as I believe in picking children up and dropping them is worse than them not seeing there dad, however that of course is your choice x Good Luck x
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