A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Three years ago, I confided in someone. I told them I loved them, and while we were young, he had little to say on the matter. But, knowing how I felt about him, I watched him change over a single year. His friends pressured him into going out with someone, but I saw the way he looked at me. He is an intelligent, caring, however easily influenced person. He got carried with his friends and popularity and it did not do him justice. I am the kind of person that most people are friends with, popular, but not girlfriend material to most of the boys in my year because I am not the prettiest. I do not believe that he is that vain, just carried away. And anyway, our friends do not get along. His friends all have a reputation, one of his friends used my bestfriend, we both knew it would not go down well. While he was going out with this girl, I never saw him look lovingly at her, or even like he wanted to be with her. He looked at me with such zeal that it almost pained me. Whenever I caught him looking, he never turned away, he just sighed and gave me a sad smile. Needless to say, he did not last very long with this girl. They broke up after a few months for obvious reasons. A year on from that, he caught me on my way home, took me into my garden knowing that at any moment, my mother could return home. We went behind a tree, and he said that he wanted to kiss me, and if I wanted too then so be it. I refused, because we were in my garden, and sure enough, my mother returned whilst we were behind the tree. He caught me again, this time in a different place, more private, and he kissed me with such passion I have never known. The kiss was sweet and tender but he held me in his arms and I felt oblivious to the whole world. I still to this day love him so I can't remember my own name, I can't sleep or eat or talk half the time. He is the one person who could reduce me to a wreck with one touch. I feel adrenneline inside of me whenever I think of him. After we kissed, we met another time and he said he wanted to again, but I refused. Knowing I could never be with him meant nothing further could happen with us, although it took all my strength not to kiss him, and even more than that, there and then. Now it is two years on, and I still see the same look in his eyes but greater. I feel such a burning in my heart, knowing we can't be together. But moreso that he trys to pretend nothing ever happened. Why do I remember our kiss so much? Why can't I forget him? I still remember what his lips felt like, how it felt to be held by him, which way I leaned in, how he kissed me with such passion and yet such tenderness, and I kissed him as though we were to last people left on earth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): Hi OP,
You love this guy. And he might love you too, if you still see the look in his eyes, but you don't know for sure. Your feelings are clouded from one another by the way you both hide from one another, afraid to show each other how you really feel, afraid of being hurt, or let down, or of giving it a go and having the relationship fail. Because you are afriad of so many things, you live your feelings out in your head, in your imagination, rather than through real life experience. Its safer that way, and it feels nice, or in your case perhaps bittersweet, but its not real.
You told him 3 years ago you love him, and he said you were too young. He might not know exactly how you feel now, he might think you like him but also don't like him because he hasn't ever given you what you want. He might feel conflicted, confused, because your feelings aren't open towards him. He might not really know what he should do about the situation.
This is an instance where, as the saying goes, the truth will set you free. You have been locked in this situation for 3 years with no way for the situation to resolve itself, and no way for your feelings to move naturally as they need to. Tell him how you feel and what you want. If you love him but don't want to go out with him, tell him that. If you love him and want to give a relationship a go, tell him that. If you are scared that you love him and he doesn't love you, or scared that he might not want a relationship like you do, then tell him that. I don't blame you for being scared about all of this. Whether love blossoms or not is not the most important thing though, in this case. Being able to be true to yourself, and honest about how you feel, and learning how to be able to express those things when it matters, is more important. Without those things, love can't bloom, and it can't last. At least this way, love stands a chance, and you both benifit the most by being open and honest about how you feel.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): There are many reasons. As our friends dont get along we'd spend almost no time together, even if we were making an effort.
He pretends like nothing happened between us, which i dont like. When its us together he prefers not to talk about it. I think this is because I rejected the second kiss. If only I could talk with him long enough to explain why.
I'm also scared of what would happen if we broke up, im sure I would still love him.
But the main reason is that he does not want to be in a relationship. He thinks we are still too young. This is the reason he hasnt dated since his last forced 'relationship'.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (4 November 2012):
 There's something I don't get about this story.
1. Why exactly can't you two be together? Aren't you both single and available?
2. If you are both popular, why do you think your looks have anything whatsoever to do with whether or not you're girlfriend material? I've seen people who look like they fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down find true love.
3. If you know he's attracted to you, why don't you go ask him out on a proper date? Even you know that the entirety of a proper relationship can't only be physical, which is why you didn't continue being physical with him.
Whenever you think about the kiss you shared with him, it's better to remember that he is a weak person. And you would do well to remember that you have a say in relationships. If you are interested in someone, have the confidence to go for what you want. This whole "we can never be together" writes well in Twilight movies, but in reality, unless he's a married man or you're a married woman, that's a cop out for a lack of confidence on your end.
Time to grab hold of your romantic future instead of getting dragged around like a discarded Autumn leaf. He isn't the only one capable of kissing well. Do you have the guts to put yourself out there?
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